3 Things A Tough Person Does To Make It In Tough Times

For exactly two years, I have been saying those very words to myself.

Two years.

733 days to be exact.

But you know what has propelled me forward during this still very tough tough season?

Action.

While inspirational words and memes are very good to soothe you in a moment, action is the only real anecdote for tough times. Here are three actions I've taken that have helped me in my seemingly never ending "tough season."

Acceptance

I have stopped resisting all the turmoil. Early in this season, I'd fight fiercely to move forward and "be done" with all that is going on around me. Ironically, personally speaking it's not let up one bit. My avoidance and fighting has not changed any circumstance or outcome. And while I'd love to tell you I believe my season is due for a change, I don't. I have accepted that this season could very well be my new normal and that I need to get some better coping mechanisms in place.  I have also accepted that looking for "relief" from the onslaught of difficulty was not helping.  Breathing and learning to face what was and continues to happen to me and around me has helped me tremendously. The energy I use to use to fight or resist has been redirected to my work and my relationships. My first reaction to difficulty now is to sit and marinate in it. Allow myself to feel it. And whatever comes next, roll with it. Meaning if I need to cry and check out of life for an hour - so be it. If I have to take a walk and call my BFF to vent. So be it. If I fill 10 journal pages processing it out of my mind so I can get back to work. On it. But resisting or fighting is no longer an option.

Manage Energy

Time has started to blur for me. In the past I would take pride on my time management skills and how efficient I believed myself to be with my time.  With the onslaught of complexity in my life and one difficulty after another, I realized that it was not my time that needed managing, it was my energy. Really getting judicious around what, how and who I spent energy on would prove to be one of the biggest actions to help me during my tough time. Work tasks have become more organized and intentional. Personal interactions have really focused on people who lift me and feed my soul. I have not been the friend I used to be in this season because I have very little margin. Replenishment activities have been come very important.  My energy now is almost this imaginary tank next to me and I can look at it and see when it's running low. Yoga and Pilates fuel me. Radical self care trips out of town fuel me. Self care rituals locally fuel me. I now actively seek out conversations that raise my energy and refill the tank before it empties. I also allow others to help me. 


Enlist Help

I struggle asking for help. It is has never been a strong suit of mine and this prolonged tough season is the thing that finally broke me. This is a new thing for me in the last 30 days. The 703 days of this tough season found me pushing through exhausted, irritable and feeling alone even with people literally begging me to help.

What can I do?

Most days, I dread that question. I don't need anyone to help me. I'm an oldest child. I run my own business. I help people run their businesses. Stopping to think about how people could help me was literally freezing me up; rendering me immobile. Local friends asked. Friends from across the country asked. Most often I brushed folks off with - "you can pray, thanks." But then I realized how lazy that was of me. I am separating and moving forward as a single mom after 16 years in a couple. There is a SHIT ton of stuff people can do. I just needed to get out of my head and stop the jerk reactions. As the new month started, I vowed not to answer right away - because I'd found that every time someone asked me to help, within a day or two afterwards something did come up that I could use extra hands or brain power around. The pause.

Instead of my usual retort - I thanked people and said, "there is nothing now but I will keep you in mind if something comes up." Not only did "something come up", I also started to notice things I just did unconsciously that others could help me with. So I got help moving a couch. Picking peaches. Making meals. Rides for my kids.  Many people offer and are willing to help. Most often it's us that stand in the way.

I have come to believe that my "tough season" is no longer a "tough season" but my new normal. And I know the action I am taking is equipping to be successful in this new era of my life.  

Action Trumps Everything

"A real decision is measured by the fact that you've take a new action. If there is no new action you haven't truly decided." - Ruby Gettinger

A few weeks ago, I saw that quote somewhere when I was traveling and I took a moment to record it on a post-it note and shoved it in my purse.

Low and behold, last week, I was confronted with taking action in a situation that has long yearned for me to act. Have you ever been there?

You know you must act.

You even have an inkling to what action must take place.

You also understand the consequences your action may have on others around you.

Yet, you do nothing.

That's where I was last week, in a tumultuous time where every possible stressful situation a family can face was staring me down and the circumstance that I'd been avoiding taking action on finally could no longer be avoided.

So I moved.

And INSTANTLY, I felt relief. Not the relief I'd felt the night before at hot yoga class - the very good (very guided and ) temporary release of tension but a true and definite release of all body tension. I'm happy to report that every day since my action, I have felt better, physically and emotionally. Even as I write this post, the uncertainty of the full consequences of my action is still very real but the tension and anxiety is gone.

We owe it to ourselves to act.

Act on faith.

Act on the confidence of your own convictions.

Act for peace of mind and spirit.

Act knowing that nothing changes until you do.

Two days into my new action, I stumbled across the post-it with the aforementioned quote written on it and I smiled. Little did I know a few weeks ago, I was sending myself a message of confirmation into the future. Reading that quote again, validated that change I desired was coming my way simply because I took action. 

Action does indeed trump everything.

Want Different? Do Different: Why I'm Using A Diet To Change My Life

People who know me know that I am not a dieter. I don’t have issues with weight or food. In fact, comparatively speaking, I have good eating habits and a great relationship with food. I am proud of my food choices and respect the food choices of others.  Those facts and a host of others made it all the more puzzling my decision to do a Whole30 diet to start 2014. In case you didn’t know, Whole30 is a gluten-free, dairy-free, sugar-free, legume-free program designed to change the way you eat for the rest of your life.

I am not interested in changing the way I eat. What I am interested in is changing my life. To date, I have had an amazing life, especially the transformation of the last 5 years. No regrets. Whatsoever.

But in preparation for the new year, it became apparent to me via my B.E.S.T. work that I cannot move my life forward on the same tools that got me to where I am today. Something very different needs to occur to move to where I want to go. In acknowledging that, my B.E.S.T. coach suggested the Whole30 diet. I only resisted for a moment.

For the raging non-compliant, type-A person that I am, being TOLD to do or not do anything is very, very tough for me. The diet itself is so restrictive plus having someone tell me to do it all but killed the experiment. Then, as quickly as I wanted/desired/intended to squash it, I embraced it. Why?

I want something different.

I want to be more effective in my current relationships and the beliefs, actions and habits I have today will not allow it to happen.

I want to take my business to the next level and again, my current beliefs, actions and habits will not get me to that place.

A complete disruption of my life by something as innocuous as blowing up the way I eat is the answer.

I am certain that this diet will illuminate to me ways to better my life, my routine and move me from here to there. “Here” is not tolerable and does not serve me any longer. “There” is only a fantasy unless I take solid action to move me to it. As I prepare to eat Whole30, I am excited for all the good that awaits me on this 30 day journey.

I want different so I am doing different.

What do you want for 2014?

What will you do differently to get it?