Makeover Your Valentine's Day

We've all been inundated with hearts, pink lace and imagery focused on Valentine's Day since the dawn of this new year.  It can be easy to get swept up in the hype or cocoon away until it's all over. As we barrel down on Valentine's Day 2014, may I give a few suggestions on how to celebrate this commemoration of love.

Call someone you love that you don't talk to often

Send someone a handwritten note - get it in mail today

Do something you've wanted to do for yourself  - this week

Buy a set of kid's valentines and hand them out on Friday wherever you go

Hand make valentines for those closest to you instead of buying them this year

Make a list of all the things you love about your life and nurture them

Start a new tradition for Valentine's Day - solo or with others


Did you notice anything about the above list?

Love, in my opinion is active and all my suggestions encourage you to act out your love. It is very easy to say we love someone but showing it can be the tricky part. And this is especially true for expressing our love for ourselves. In order to give any love, to anyone, we must be adept at demonstrating our love for ourselves. The people around us take cues on how to love us by the way we love ourselves. Depending on your relationship with love, Valentine's Day can be a complicated or downright painful experience. We think if you take intentional steps to change the way you view and celebrate this day, you can make it enjoyable regardless your relationship status.

In our house, we celebrate our love for one another every February with a special Valentine's dinner and cap the evening with our own hand-dipped chocolate covered strawberries - we started this tradition when my oldest child was 3 years old and have kept it going strong for the last 9 years. Even if we have to celebrate it on a different day due to travel or move the celebration to a restaurant. Some years we exchange gifts, most years we do not. It is a given that we celebrate.

When I was single, it was only slightly different. I made a point to have dinner with a single friend and go to a movie every Valentine's Day. Some years it was a guy friend, other years it was girlfriends but I never stayed home alone on Valentine's Day. I did the kid valentine suggestion every year. It was so fun to see the face of the bank teller or the cashier at my regular lunch spot when I handed them a valentine and wished them a grand day. It was also a way to mend fences with folks at work I may have rubbed the wrong way - nothing cures ill feelings more than a Charlie Brown valentine attached to a dum-dum sucker. Even year's when I felt anxious or sad and believe me there were a few, I always made myself keep the traditions.

Valentine's Day, much like our lives in general, is what we make it.

Take time this year to change your relationship with Valentine's Day.

5 Outstanding Things That Happened On The #Whole30

My new best food friends!

Yesterday,  I ended my first diet ever, the #Whole30 challenge. I mentioned this a few weeks back as I planned to use this diet to ignite more creativity and change my life. As a non-dieter, who had no apparent food issues going in, I learned so much about all my habits, rituals and actions plus got visibility to some HUGE areas of opportunity as it relates to my eating. Check out the 5 things that happened along the way.

Disruption Accomplished

My initial reasoning for doing the #Whole30 was to disrupt my life. To shake it up and look at how I do things overall and you've heard the saying, "how you do anything is how you do everything," so examining my eating habits jumped to the top of the list as way to drive change overall. And change I drove. The very preparation and research of the #Whole30 proved to me from the start that I needed to do this. Why? Because in the earliest moments of this journey, it almost didn't happen at all. My very normal modus operandus had me researching the diet and in en route, I found a better (and shorter) option - a 21 day Sugar Detox. My B.E.S.T. coach commended my diligence but gently and firmly pointed out how I  - before I even STARTED - had used my "normal"way of thinking to adapt what she suggested to my own way. Forced to face this fact, I conceded and pushed forward with the Whole30. Too many examples of this to list but you get the idea. I was way out of my comfort zone the entire 30 days. And I am grateful.

Tangible Bonus Results

I cannot stress enough how I did not do this diet for health or weight reasons. In fact, to weigh myself at the beginning and end, I had to go to a neighbor's house as I do not even own a scale. So what'd I lose? 12.4 pounds and close to twelve inches from my top to bottom - with 5 of those lost inches in my very fleshy middle-aged woman thighs - my ONE potential spot for insecurity.  I want to say, I was very happy with the way I looked before I started this challenge but I am loving how this challenge slimmed me even though I did no extra physical activity. Can you imagine what would have happened if I did this in my running season that starts in 5 weeks?

Scrumptious New Recipes

Because I had to plan my meals so diligently with so many restrictions, I was forced to find new recipes for the duration of this challenge. And while I did not force my family to go gluten, dairy, sugar, legume and grain free with me, I did ask that they join me in the main meat course I had to make for myself. Chorizo Chicken, Dry rubbed Ribs and Ginger Chicken are just 3 of the slam dunk new additions to our rotation. GUYS - I know I am not the only one who got lazy in introducing new dishes into my family's dinner routine. Thanks to Whole30 - I've got some great new resources and ideas on how to mix up our menu and cook healthier for us as a family. Bonus.

Where You Focus Matters

Around Day 18, I had an epiphany. The recurring thought that kept me up at night needed to leave my mind for good. I have been so very focused on the aspect of my business that I have the least control over. Really. I can never control timing and volume of my project portfolio. Never. Now,  there are many things I can do to enable a flow that is timely but I don't OWN those things and focusing there is really a big miss for all this great energy I have. However, focusing and becoming crystal clear on the result I want IS in my control. And when you think about it - what a better way to spend your energy? Focusing 100% on what you want,  giving your mind and body freedom to move all its talents and energy toward what you want. I saw instant evidence of this shift of focus. Instantly.

Invincibility Of My Own Spirit

I can do anything. Now as a believer in Christ, this should be a no-brainer, right? Who doesn't know the Philippians 4:13 power verse? The question is how many of us actually live and believe that we can do anything. My guess is very few and you can now count me in that elite bunch. You see, at the start of this challenge - I did not wholly believe I could give up sugar, dairy,  AUTONOMY of choice of foods for 30 days.  Always clinging to my "everything in moderation" mindset coupled with my downright non-compliant heart and spirit, I doubted I could last 30 days. But I did. Now I believe I am capable of anything. ANYTHING. That is scary and exhilarating all at once.

So anyone out there want to move mountains in your mind, heart, body, soul and/or spirit? Get yourself a food challenge STAT.

3 Timeless Lessons From Forrest Gump

It's the 20th anniversary of the release of Forrest Gump this summer

Over the recent holiday break, I had the joy of watching the 1994 film phenomenon, Forrest Gump with my two kids for the first time. It was so amazing to watch this classic film and experience it through the eyes of my 21st century children.

The way my kids anticipated the happenings of the film showed me how much more tuned in emotionally my kids are versus me at their age. The questions they had (which were few but really good) and the discussions they initiated reminded me of the power of fiction in our lives. I was also reminded of so many timeless and valuable messages that the book and film brought to life through the eyes of the simplistic man Forrest Gump. Here are three we could use more of nowadays:

True Friends Are Few and Precious

It did not go unnoticed by my 12 and 8 year old that Forrest had only a few friends in his life. Both kids immediately noted that his friendships with Jenny and Bubba were deep and lasting, even though they were so different. In the Facebook age, we often confuse what friends truly are friends to us. Friends make no regard for what we can or cannot do, they accept and love us for who we are.  Forrest was blessed to have at least two people at different eras of his life who loved him unconditionally. Both Jenny and Bubba loved and protected Forrest and he protected them both in return. Even in his passing Bubba provided inspiration for Forrest beyond what Forrest himself could truly comprehend. Friends are few and precious and even a simple man like Forrest Gump did not miss this.

Authenticity Trumps Every Thing

Throughout the story of Forrest Gump, we see the importance of being authentic. From his mom doing whatever was "necessary" to ensure her son had the best education to the moving scene near the end of the movie when Forrest meets little Forrest and frighteningly asks Jenny about his aptitude, we see so many people just being who they are and embracing it. Think about Jenny herself, abused and lost from her childhood days, she took risks and lived her life the way she saw best. Forrest embraced his own simplistic ways and continued to pursue activities in his life that honored his talents and strengths. Lt. Dan was another example of someone who had to face his actual life versus the one he'd planned in his mind. And each one was able to live in peace once they accepted their authentic selves.

Love Begets Love

From beginning to end, we see examples on top of examples of love and how love begets love.  Mrs. Gump's love towards Forrest, despite the hardships they faced, her single motherhood, his physical and mental disabilities, is a clear picture of instilling love from the beginning. Unconditional, tough, honest and cultivated love.  We see how the love Forrest was raised with permeated his life, causing him to befriend Bubba and not even blink as it was counter cultural at that time. That secure love bond made it easy for him to keep his word and share his fortune with Bubba's family even when no one would have been the wiser had he done otherwise. Forrest and his unconditional love for Jenny since their childhood days allowed him to stay connected to her throughout their lives and gave him the chance to spend her last days on earth attending to her. That initial seed of unconditional love planted in Forrest in his youth blossomed and gave fruit again and again throughout his life.

It's hard to believe that 20 years have gone by since Forrest Gump entered pop culture and taught us so much. I am grateful to be able to re-live and learn again with a new generation. Friendship, authenticity and love are the most valuable lessons I learned and live daily from the man from Greenbow, Alabama.

#IAmDrKing and So Are You

My all-time favorite Dr. King photo - a warm smile

Today, we celebrate the life and legacy of the Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. There is nothing I can write that has not been written already. Every year we commemorate and really stop as a nation to focus on what this extraordinary individual did to change our country. What I can do is let you in on something I decided last year and solidified my decision while I was mourning the loss of the late great Nelson Mandela.

#IAmDrKing

Oh yeah, it's greater than any old hashtag that is floating around. It is a way of life. You see, last year about this time, I entered what I am now calling a "desert experience" and really battled internally with all my thoughts/feelings/reactions/actions related to race, gender, poverty and US policies tied to all of them. I had to redefine my own relationship with race and what resulted was my new resolve.

There is not going to be another leader to inspire me as Dr. King or Mr. Mandela did for their respective generations and beyond. The landscape has changed. The needs are the same but the delivery and execution is different. The idea that someone particularly gifted is going to "lead" the next revolution of love has all but dissolved from my mind. I am not looking for inspiration externally any more.

I will find my courage from within.

I will find my inspiration in the mirror.

I will live and love as best I can, with all people.

And today, I challenge each of you to do the same. Look around your life and find places where you can not just honor the Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King and his legacy - you can live it.

#IAmDrKing

and so are you.

3 Ways To Get A Non-Compliant Onboard

This is me. Not literally but pretty close.

One of my blessings and curses in life is my spirit of non-compliance. Some people call it stubborn. Other people call it determined. Yet others call in innovative. All my life, my non-compliant personality has been both the best and worst thing I have going for me.

On one hand, it has been an enormous tool to inspire me to solutions for many complex challenges I have faced in my life. Additionally, I've been able to channel my non-compliance for the good of many organizations that I have served over the years.

It has also resulted in tremendous frustration as I tried to solve issues that just weren't meant to be solved by me or just plain were not to be solved at all, by anyone. What's saved me is the discernment to know the difference. As I was reflecting recently, I realized that there are ways to move me as a non-compliant and I thought it would be good to share that for others who do life with non-compliant people.  First, let's look at a definition of non-compliant.  Freedictionary.com defines non-compliant this way:

1. n.        a person who refuses or fails to comply
2. adj.     boldly resisting authority or an opposing force

Now let's look at three tactics to help you sway the non-compliant in your life.

Surrender

The sooner you concede to a non-compliant the better. Surrender in this case is to surrender your need to convince the non-compliant in your life and acknowledge this verbally. Let your non-compliant know that you don't expect them to change their mind but that you will still offer your solution and/or path. First, you will have their attention by just your word choice. Most non-compliant people are deliberate in their language and they appreciate when deliberate language is reciprocated. Second, you've opened the door to choice. Non-compliant people do not like to be cornered and love options. Give them options but keep driving the point you want to make.

Data

When you are up against a non-compliant, most often, they are armed to the hilt with data supporting their stance. Nothing makes a non-compliant more confident that finding validating information to bolster his/her position. However, nothing moves a non-compliant like proof, even if it's proof in their opposition. While they are not likely to just roll over to your position, it is so much easier to have conversations with a non-compliant when you show that you've done your homework and are ready to have an intelligent discussion.  Non-compliant people are first and foremost learners and creators. Learners know that there is always information out there that they don't know. Use that information the next time you have to move a non-compliant in your life.

Collaborate

Bring a non-compliant in by baking ideas together. The whole reason a non-compliant refuses is tied to his/her ability to contribute and see their contribution. Non-compliant people do not just accept things as they are; often times, they like to create the scenario or picture how things could be.  When not given an opportunity to contribute, you can count on non-compliant folks to be disruptive and try to drive change other ways. Collaboration is key and lots of times non-compliant people drive it but they are big supporters when others drive collaboration, too. It gives them much need rest from the helm. It also gives them a chance to learn something new from a different perspective, which is a big value for non-compliant personalities.

Whether your non-compliant is a child in your class or a co-worker on your team, follow one or more of these tactics and you're sure to sway your favorite non-compliant person your way more often.

#2014Unencumbered My Theme For The New Year

Best visual for the word unencumbered

Back in late 2011, when it was amply clear that my side gig, Relationships Matter Now, LLC was going to be my main gig, I decided I needed a theme (and hashtag) to power me through the next year. I landed on #2012Rocks.

I cannot tell you how helpful and fun it was to end certain social media posts with #2012Rocks. It was like the team huddle scream whenever I made progress or moved closer to profitability. Then for 2013, I was stumped.

Not just wanting a fun rallying cry, I had a rough time coming up with the theme that would carry me through the good and the challenging moments of year. Then on New Year's Eve 2012 in the basement of a friend's house, I was reminded that I needed to face the new year without fear and so #2013Fearless was born. That theme served me well,  even becoming part of my first TEDx talk that I entitled Care More, Fear Less in the spring.

Going into 2014, I was not as perplexed to find a theme. I knew my theme had to embody both tough and good times as the 2013 one had done. My theme also had to acknowledge the big hairy audacious mountain of goals and objectives I'd put on myself both personally and professionally for this new year.

So many great words and phrases crossed my mind the last two weeks of 2013 as I tried hone it on the theme and hashtag I count on all year long. Then it hit me.

Unencumbered.

#2014Unencumbered

It's a clunky word and surely makes for a long hashtag but I could not shake it once I started toying with it in my head. Dictionary.com defines unencumbered as:

1.  not impeded, slowed down, or retarded; free to move, advance, or go forward.

2.  having few or no burdens or obligations.

3.  not burdened or weighed down, as with bulky or heavy objects.

 

I love that definition, every word, especially under 1. "not impeded, slowed down ... free to move, advance and go forward." That's exactly what I needed going into this new year. Ironically, I'd already come up with my theme, although I had not shared it, when I met with my B.E.S.T. coach the week before the year ended. Ironic because she read from my energy that it was time for me to do something drastic with my diet and she challenged me to leave behind a limiting thought.  All this as I shared where/what I wanted for myself over the next 5 years. The diet is not about food, it disruption. It's about examining all areas of my life and looking for ways to move closer to what I want and deeply desire especially for my business but also on a personal level. 

 

It lined up perfectly. My theme #2014Unencumbered captures well what I need to reinforce in order to fulfill the objectives I've laid before myself for the new year and beyond. I will use my theme as a rally cry, a comfort,  a soul-nurturing motto, an extra push and an encouragement to all who are within ear shot. 

 

I am so excited to tackle life in 2014... unencumbered!  

Want Different? Do Different: Why I'm Using A Diet To Change My Life

People who know me know that I am not a dieter. I don’t have issues with weight or food. In fact, comparatively speaking, I have good eating habits and a great relationship with food. I am proud of my food choices and respect the food choices of others.  Those facts and a host of others made it all the more puzzling my decision to do a Whole30 diet to start 2014. In case you didn’t know, Whole30 is a gluten-free, dairy-free, sugar-free, legume-free program designed to change the way you eat for the rest of your life.

I am not interested in changing the way I eat. What I am interested in is changing my life. To date, I have had an amazing life, especially the transformation of the last 5 years. No regrets. Whatsoever.

But in preparation for the new year, it became apparent to me via my B.E.S.T. work that I cannot move my life forward on the same tools that got me to where I am today. Something very different needs to occur to move to where I want to go. In acknowledging that, my B.E.S.T. coach suggested the Whole30 diet. I only resisted for a moment.

For the raging non-compliant, type-A person that I am, being TOLD to do or not do anything is very, very tough for me. The diet itself is so restrictive plus having someone tell me to do it all but killed the experiment. Then, as quickly as I wanted/desired/intended to squash it, I embraced it. Why?

I want something different.

I want to be more effective in my current relationships and the beliefs, actions and habits I have today will not allow it to happen.

I want to take my business to the next level and again, my current beliefs, actions and habits will not get me to that place.

A complete disruption of my life by something as innocuous as blowing up the way I eat is the answer.

I am certain that this diet will illuminate to me ways to better my life, my routine and move me from here to there. “Here” is not tolerable and does not serve me any longer. “There” is only a fantasy unless I take solid action to move me to it. As I prepare to eat Whole30, I am excited for all the good that awaits me on this 30 day journey.

I want different so I am doing different.

What do you want for 2014?

What will you do differently to get it?