When's The Last Time You Bet On You?

All in - when was the last time you were "all in" for yourself

I'm heading to Las Vegas in a few weeks for a trip that is very much part of my 2016 Recalibrate agenda. The process of exploring the opportunity, weighing my options and finally making my move was not very different than previous bets I'd placed on myself but this time the stakes were higher and it felt different.

When was the last time you bet on yourself? You know, all in, all or nothing -  100% betting on you.

I've come to realize that for most people it is not very often at all and I want to change that. Here are three reasons to go all out and bet on you in 2016.

You Are Worthy

I have no idea what's brewing in your mind. A relationship change? A business idea? A promotion at your job? A move across country or the world? Whatever it is, I want to tell you are worthy of that "thing" you want. You are deserving of the love you desire. Your idea needs air. Your company needs your perspective. You should see that place you've dreamed about. Too many times we talk ourselves out of our true desires because we don't feel we are capable, deserving or worthy of such a big change. Some of us can barely form our lips to say it for fear of what others may say in response further cementing our sense of inadequacy about our desires. Know that the nagging in your mind and spirit is your indication that this is important and that you should pay attention. Give yourself permission to imagine yourself in your dream, whatever it is.

People Want To Help You

This is a tough one to digest for all types. Think about it. If you are a natural collaborator - most likely you are always willing to help and contribute to the ideas of others. And if you are a disruptor, like me, you often go alone and the idea of others helping makes you laugh. When you bet on yourself and talk about your dream, you ignite passion and ideas in others, ideas to help you. This also applies for tough challenges you have to face; when you allow others to share the burden, it really is lighter. Sharing my journey of how depression wrecked my marriage and the consequences of that wreckage has been an amazing experience. From the outpouring of offers of help and encouragement to the cries of camaraderie of others suffering now, I don't regret sharing my pain. We must reach out and invite others into our dreams and our journey.

Snowball Effect

We all know what happens to a snow ball as it rolls down a hill. It gains both material and momentum.  The same occurs when you bet on yourself. Too scared to bet on yourself for that Big Hairy Audacious Goal? Then bet on yourself small today. On anything. Trust you gut. Give yourself the "ok" on little things. As I look back on when I started betting on myself, it was a long time ago. Since I was a teenager, I have always stepped out and bet on me. Some times it worked out and every time I learned. Lately, in the last 8 years, as my kids grew and needed me in different ways, I returned some focus to me, my career and my deepest desires to lead. Each of those small bets led me to bigger bets and in a few years quite possibly the biggest career bet I've ever made. But it is not an isolated thing. I've now been betting on me -both personally and professionally consistently. And the snow ball effect is real. Stay tuned if you don't believe me.

So I ask again, when was the last time you bet on you? When did you last push through your fear and go after something or someone you wanted? If it was longer than yesterday,  you have some work to do.

Go.

Act On Truth, Not Your Story

Very rarely are these things aligned.

When was the last time you challenged yourself to move forward in factual evidence versus what you believe? When did you last examine your life for truth versus the story you tell yourself?

I struggle with this often.

We live in an era where we can find "facts" to back any position so it's a legitimate question. And one I am asking for a very important reason.

Too many of us are walking around in our own heads.

We make decisions based on narratives that play out in our heads and hearts daily. Narratives and story lines that keep repeating themselves because of our thoughts, beliefs and behaviors. When was the last time you stopped to see things for what they really were versus what you believe them to be?

As a person in a very challenging season in my marriage, I am working hard to break down the narrative that plays out between my husband and I in my head. I'm working to see things for the way they really are.  I'm working to look at factual evidence versus what I want to see or what I am striving to believe. I am seeking truth in our interactions and particularly my actions and behaviors toward him.

That is hard work, folks.

Fortunately for me, I enlisted the support of an amazingly honest (brutally so at times) therapist who is challenging me every week and helping me see myself, my relationships and my business in ways I've never looked before. She is helping me see truth in spite of my story.

This narrative piece plays out in work situations as well. As an entrepreneur approaching my 5th year of hanging the shingles out full-time, I see clearly the opposite phenomena. Almost 100% of my decisions are based on reality with a healthy dose of faith and belief.  Calculated risks and opportunistic moves abound but all based in factual data from month-to-month. I have no problem seeing things for the way they are without prejudice. As a fairly new business owner, I don't have a solid narrative built, in fact, I see my business' narrative forming and morphing daily.

So how can that be - same woman, different approach personally and professionally?

If I had the answer, trust me that would be my new business. But I can say this, I challenge everyone to step back and look at your life - all aspects of your life and do the following:

1.   Look for and root out patterns that stifle you.
2.   Enlist help, this work is not easy and will need accountability as it gets tough.
3.   Open your mind and heart to a new perspective where ever needed.
4.   Communicate your journey to those you do life with.

When you stop acting in accordance with your story and start acting on truth, you will see a huge difference in how your life plays out.

You'd Better Believe. Starting Now.

Pretty much all I've been doing the last 30, 90 or 253 days is centered around the seven letter word in the title of this post.

Dictionary.com defines believe like this: to have confidence in the truth, the existence, or the reliability of something, although without absolute proof that one is right in doing so.

Wow. 

That's been my life and I'd encourage you all to go there some day.

Go to that place where you actually allow yourself to "believe."

Believe your life can be what you want it to be.

Believe that your relationship "is what it is" and is time for you to let it go.

Believe that you can provide for your family doing what you love.

Believe you can turn a thought into a reality.

Believe there are people around you who care and want to help you.

Believe that "long shot" can be a sure shot if you just take action. 

Believe in yourself.

Believe in the good of others.

Believe people who act like they don't care


I could go on and on and on but I won't.

What I need for each of you in earshot to do is take this advice from me... whatever it is before you that seems impossible - go for it. 

Believe in yourself. Believe in the universe, or higher being (for me this is Jesus - but NO JUDGEMENT HERE - believe in something bigger than you because there is - know that). Believe in that tiny possibility.

The second you step out in belief, the universe will conspire to make it happen.

It's happening for me now and it can happen for you.

Peace.

2 Things Ben Affleck Said Directly to Entrepreneurs

Ben Affleck Receiving Best Picture Oscar for Argo - Mario Anzouri/REUTERS

Last night, a very unlikely hero emerged from the ashes.

Hot shot actor, overexposed for many years quietly comes back and triumphs big. His film nominated in many categories but he himself snubbed for Best Director, Ben Affleck had a message for everyone in Hollywood.

He is back. (after getting a 1998 Best Original Screenplay Oscar for Good Will Hunting with his best bud, Matt Damon) He is good enough. He is talented. And now, you all know it.

His speech was worth my two hours of lost sleep alone giving us entrepreneurs two great nuggets in his rushed, nervous and downright exhilarating speech.

"You can't hold grudges."

"Doesn't matter how you get knocked down in life, all that matters is you gotta get up."

Not all of us work in the chasm that is Hollywood but Affleck's advice is sound and solid for those of us who work for ourselves in any industry.

Like Affleck, we will be faced with doubters. People you think will be supportive of your endeavors will ignore your calls and not answer your emails. People who will tell you to get them "your stuff" and no matter how much you follow up - they don't do anything. You have to let those folks go. Why? Because then you'll meet the folks who will help.

Doubters and folks who reject us are often the targets of our grudges. Affleck mentioned a specific group of people in his speech, those "who extended themselves to me when they had nothing to benefit from it in Hollywood." Guys, if we are chasing the doubters trying to convince them - we miss the people Ben acknowledged - the people WILLING to extend themselves to us. When we hold grudges, the energy we give off repels the people we need to meet and work with.

My favorite line from Affleck's speech was this one, "And it doesn't matter how you get knocked down in life because that's going to happen. All that matters is you gotta get up." As an entrepreneur, this spoke to me, big time.  I'm particularly moved by his word choice of "how you get knocked down." Knocked down is knocked down, right? Wrong. Some blows are way more significant than others. The client who signs a contract and does not pay is much different from the person who begs for a proposal and doesn't agree to work with you.

Affleck's use of how you get knocked down was intentional. Look at his own fall from Hollywood graces. 15 years ago, Hollywood was making fun of Bennifer, Gigli and Daredevil. Ben Affleck was the butt of late night jokes and generally dismissed as a pretty face with little talent. Yet, he quietly settled down, built a family and got really selective on which projects he chose to lend himself to and little by little -  an amazing filmmaker has emerged from the ashes of a hot shot handsome actor who burned out quickly.

As entrepreneurs, we must get back up. Again. Again.  And again. Regardless of what struck us down. We need look no further than Ben Affleck who made history being only the fourth director to win Best Picture without a Best Director Nomination.

Thanks Ben - I'm fired up all over again for my work today. Even on a lot less sleep.

Who Is Your Jurgen Klinsmann?

US National Team Coach Jurgen Klinsmann believed in his team like no one else and thus they believed

Last Wednesday, without much fanfare, the US Men's National Team made history.

This young team became only the 9th team in the 46 year history of the stadium to post a win against the Mexican National team following powerhouses like Italy, Spain and Brazil. With it's notorious noise and high altitude conditions - Estadio Azteca is the ultimate home field advantage. It did not go without note in all the press leading up to the "friendly" match between CONCACAF's fiercest rivals. Every mention of the game was punctuated with the fact that the Americans had never beat Mexico in this stadium - coming into the match last week with an abysmal record of 0-23-1.

Until now.

What was the difference?

For me it was a simple concept of faith. Specifically, Coach Jurgen Klinsmann's faith in his team.

Dictionary.com defines faith as this:

          1. confidence or trust in a person or thing
          2. belief that is not based on proof

I watched closely as every reporter brought up the fact that the US Men's Team had never won a match in Azteca. Klinsmann never flinched in his faith in his team's ability to ignore that fact and play their best with the intention of coming away from that match with the result of a W. In one of the final interviews, Klinsmann did not mince words when he stated that he believed his team could beat Mexico in Estadio Azteca.

I've been a part of the US Soccer family since the early 90s when I started my career there in PR/marketing. Never before have I heard a US coach speak so convincingly of his faith in the team to do something. He demonstrated such solid belief that it became impossible for any other result from that team, that night. I believe that Jurgen actually believed in the team more than they believed in themselves going in and then they rose to the occasion to make history.

So I ask... who is your Jurgen Klinsmann?

Who in your life sees what could be and pushes you towards it?

Who do you know has the courage of conviction to speak big things on your life?

Who is that person in your life that believes in you, perhaps even more than you believe in yourself?

I am blessed, I have a handful of these folks in my stable of great people. They are critical to my success personally and professionally.

There is a woman who sees me as the grand wife I could be and constantly pushes me towards that. Or there is the lifelong friend who sees my greatness as a mom and encourages it. Then there is the "great business mind" friend and confidant who sees my entrepreneurial potential and does not allow me to default in fear.  Each one pushes me beyond where I am today. Each sees a few steps ahead of my current circumstance and gives me the "kick" I need to get there. Sometimes, I struggle to see beyond where I am at the moment but I am so glad I have people around me who see it before I do.

I implore you to seek out the "Jurgen Klinsmanns" in your life. They can be close friends or even loose connections. I'm thinking of the college friend on Facebook who micro-mentored me to writing my first book earlier this year. He saw that I could do it even before I did and in an effort to not let him down - I did it. I finished my first book and will be publishing it in a few weeks.

We all need people in our lives to push us to places we'd never go on our own. We need people to state that they believe in us even when there is no "proof" of what they believe. Lots of times, these folks are in our lives already but we don't recognize or open ourselves up to them. I challenge you to do it today.

Who knows the history you will make when you do.