The Bittersweet Sting of Mother's Day

I'd love some cookies like this for Mom's Day!

Each May, the world stops to honor moms. In Spain it is the first Sunday of May while in Mexico, Mother's Day is May 10 whatever day that lands. In the US and many other countries, moms are honored the second Sunday in May.

For most people this is a joyous occasion, either as a mom themselves or honoring their own beloved moms. There is, however, a fraction of the population that has a bittersweet sting each Mother's Day. Motherless daughters like myself know what I speak of.

I hadn't really thought much about it until I was asked last week to reflect on motherhood. The 40 minute interview was really the first time anyone had asked me in depth about my feelings on motherhood.  It was enlightening.

The question that triggered the most tender response was asking me to describe motherhood in three words. One of my words was "loss". We kept talking for a minute but then the interviewer circled back to that word and asked me to describe why I used it. Never before that moment, had I truly felt the deep and profound loss that I feel related to motherhood. It was telling. I could barely speak. And while my feelings take nothing away from all the mother figures in my life over the years - it was only in that moment that I made the connection of my motherhood to that of the lack of my mom in the journey.

So for all the joy that is being a mom to my two kids, I realized the sting of motherhood for me last week. And then I thought of countless other women; others whose moms have passed away - regardless of when it happened. Women who may have "lost" their moms to abandonment. Women who have moms that they do not have a relationship with or with whom they have a very poor relationship. Women who had children but lost them. Women who long to have children but cannot for whatever reason. Mother's Day has a bittersweet sting for these women.

Please take a moment this Mother's Day to be on the lookout for hurting people who are not quite celebrating. Look for them in your life this week as you cut through the clutter to buy gifts and take moms out to eat - notice people who may need an encouraging word. Take a moment to proactively reach out to women you know that possibly fall into the categories listed in the previous paragraph.

I'm certain they will appreciate the extra love this weekend.

My Shoutout To The "Moms" Of My Life

Mom. Momma. Mommy.

Which ever you use, they all mean the same... they are attached to a woman in your life that means a lot to you, to whom you give a certain reverence. Not all moms are biological. In fact, many are not.

Being a motherless daughter since I was 4 years old, I have many "moms" who have blessed my life and filled the void left by my mom's passing. Each have contributed to making me the mom I am today to Emma and Evan. And while I can never actually call someone else "mom, " I want to take a moment to thank all the women who have been moms to me throughout my life.

Lois
Emma
Rose
Gloria
Rachel
Karen
Frances
LeAnn
Barbara
Susan
Paula
Charlene

These are women from all walks of life, from all eras of my life - some related, most not. Each contributing in a positive way to my development and well being. I have always had a complicated relationship with the idea of mom having lost mine so young. However, I am so grateful to have had so many women step up and lend a hand.

This time of year is quite difficult for some people,  especially those without mothers or who have little to no relationship with their mothers. Even harder for those who would love to be mothers and haven't yet been able to achieve it. I encourage you to use this Mother's Day to look for the "moms" in your life if you are without one physically or emotionally. Or step up and be a "mother" to someone who needs one. Pain is inevitable especially as it relates to this topic. However, suffering because of it is optional.

Before becoming a mom, as a single woman I used to celebrate Mother's Day by buying myself a piece of jewelry in honor of my future motherhood. I also volunteered in a PADS shelters helping homeless moms and brought them basic necessities at this time of year.

Mother's Day is what you make it. Make this one a great one.