Authentic Refinement

See the piece of silver in the middle of the hot coals....

No doubt it will become a brilliant beautiful piece of jewelry in due time.

I can't imagine reaching in there and pulling it out before it is ready. I am certain the blacksmith in charge is close by monitoring its progress and waiting for the precise moment to pull it out to reveal it's best beauty.

I love silver. You can find me wearing a piece every single day. But I digress.

Tomorrow begins the third month of the great year 2010.

I got to be honest with you - February was brutal. The weather. The climate at my main job. My intense drive that, at times, disrupted our family rhythm.

With 1/6 of the year gone, I could not be happier. Bring on the restoration and renewal that is promised with the month of March.

However, great things were birthed from this brutal month we say goodbye to at midnight...

For one - my idea, RelationshipsMatterNow.com - a digital home for relational wellness where we will teach people to pro-actively take care of relationships in their lives, has held it's own in the Pepsi Refresh Everything Project voting. Out of a total 729 ideas - I have remained in the top ten health ideas for my $5,000 funding category throughout the voting period. As of right now - I am in fourth place for health ideas in that category and 27th overall in the $5k competition. That is incredible. I am proud and excited all at once. According to Pepsi Refresh Official Rules - the top 100 ideas that do not get funded in February roll over to March. That is great news and I am poised to keep my idea in the running for funding next month.

Two - an announcement tomorrow will solidify me as a leading marketing specialist in an area that is near and dear to my heart - the protection of Mother Earth. It is not often that you take part in something special at one company but to be able to take part in something special, at two separate companies in two different industries (manufacturing and retail) at two different eras in your career is well... remarkable.

It is very easy for us to focus on what didn't go well at any given time. Tonight, I am reflecting on the month of February that had me exercising diplomatic muscles I had no idea I had; a month that has presented obstacles that stretched my impatient pace into patience to go the extra five miles and converted my passion for "all things right" into a "hands in the air" surrender of all outcomes.

It is with great anticipation that I look to rest of the year. While February has kicked my butt several times and in several fashions - it has also honed me, shaped me and readied me for the next phase.

It is often stated that a blacksmith knows exactly how much time to hold his/her silver in the fire before it shines to its fullest. The process is known as refining. As a lover of silver - I don't question the blacksmith - I know that he/she has it covered. I just have to wait until its ready.

Just as I trust the blacksmith with silver - I trust my Maker with my life and my desires. If He decides that March will be similar to February - so be it- much was accomplished in the winter barren month of February. Like the silver in the picture above - I don't want to MESS with what is going on in my life and in my heart now as I press on toward my goals and objectives for 2010.

Real Life Black History in the Making.

Last Sunday Feb 7, I accepted an invitation to speak at St. James AME in Elgin to kick-off their Black History Month Celebration with a message on Community Advocacy. If I'm honest, it was a casual acceptance based on the fact that I sat next to Dr. Laveta Small at a community leader focus group back in December at Elgin Community College.

We were kindred spirits that night - practically finishing each other's sentences towards the end of the forum, even though we were a generation apart. We connected and vowed to keep in touch but as usual - life gets in the way and almost 7 weeks passed by before we would speak again. Of course, I would speak for Dr. Small. Not a question.

As part of the BHM celebrations - the church was honoring their seniors and hosting a guest speaker each week. I prepared a thoughtful 15 minute talk about how I approach Community Advocacy through my political career as an elected official. I did some online recognizance on the church and was impressed with its 129 year history in Elgin.

Nothing, however, prepared me for the experience I encountered upon entering the church that morning.

Upon entering this tiny church on the east side of Elgin, almost to Rt. 59, I was immediately overwhelmed by the warmth and wisdom of the people inside. The display in the lobby was a basic archive of Black History for our country and for the Elgin area. Then I saw the program for the day and realized - that I was THE speaker, the sermon, the MESSAGE. Before that moment, I was thinking I was just a speaker for the day and not necessarily delivering the message in place of the pastor - Reverend Francis Senyah, who I also met briefly at the ECC event. This terrified me. The sense of responsibility almost swallowed me up right there. Then, I glanced down at my prepared words... a calm overcame me. Instantly.

You see, I was speaking about how I use the lens of Micah 6:8 in all my political dealings. Paraphrased the best way to remember Micah 6:8 is this...

Act Justly, Love Mercy and Walk Humbly.

As I sat and listened to them talk about the heroes and s'heroes of their church - some of whom had been members for over 70 years. I was so humbled. Then Dr. Small introduced me and it really hit me. In my corner of the world, I am Black History in the making. I don't say that with any airs - I say it because it's true.

Right now, the movement that I am leading in our country (perhaps the world) on relational wellness and relational health will change the lives of many. As I spoke to this audience and literally declared to them that they will see me and this cause in the national health care debate really soon - it was as clear that what I am doing is so much bigger than me. By putting the word out there in the small church in Elgin - I started the public discourse on my desire, to enable all people to pro-actively care for the relationships in their lives.

At the end of the service as I shook hands with every person in attendance that day, I felt an enormous transfer of wisdom and leadership from these stalwarts of the community. Many of these people were pioneers in the Northwest Suburbs and members of families that were among the first blacks to settle in this area. Each one looked me in the eye and encouraged me in my movement. Every ounce of the strength and courage from the battles won before were transferred to me for the battle ahead.

While each person told me about how much I touched them - I was without words for what they had done for me. Even 10 days later, I have trouble pinpointing all the positive ways that experience at St. James AME has changed me.

Dr. Small said something the night we were at ECC to the effect that "we were not trying to make history then (upon describing her experience as the only black child in her elementary school in Elgin in the 1950s), we were just doing what we knew was right."

I know exactly what she means.

Authentically Good Idea - Vote Now!

Hard to believe that one year ago, I was asking the people of Lake in the Hills to vote for me to join the Village Board of Trustees. They heard, voted and I now represent them. Something tells me this time around it will be just a tad bit harder - but not impossible!

Voting opened at midnight at www.refresheverything.com for the Pepsi Refresh Everything Project where Pepsi will award grants of $5 - 250K to bring ideas to life across six areas, health, arts and culture, food and shelter, the planet, neighborhoods and education. Click here to vote for my project.

You've heard me ranting lately about my idea to start a movement to change the way we look at relationships; to enable all people to be relationally healthy. Well - the time has come for your help. My idea - RELATIONSHIPS MATTER NOW is up for vote in the health category and we need to end up in the top ten to secure the $5K grant by the end of February.

WHY SHOULD I VOTE FOR RELATIONSHIPS MATTER NOW?

Great question, it's simple. We live on this planet interdependent on others. From a brief transactional relationship at the coffee counter to our co-workers where ever we choose to lend out talent to our deep and personal relationships, we all interact and co-habit this planet with others. And from the looks of the way we deal with one another (think current political climate, divorce rates, verbal intimidation in the workplace) - it is time for a change.

Relationships Matter Now will exist (with or without the Pepsi grant) to help people take proactive care of their relationships. We will raise visibility to the need for relational wellness in every one's life. Relational wellness is taking responsibility to proactively care for all relationships in your life. It's a two-fold proposition:

1. Self-awareness - we all need a true understanding of our own relational issues and needs.

2. Relationship skills - we all need to build the skills necessary to function in healthy relationships.

Out of the gate - we want to build the web home for Relationships Matter Now and get 50,000 people to pledge to work on their relationships. Over the next week you will be directed to a new blog to support this effort and it will live at RelationshipsMatterNow.com. I've got an awesome designer working on a logo and we are getting the pledge document created as we speak.

Clearly with the help from Pepsi - we can get this going sooner rather than later. Long term, Relational Wellness will be in the health care debate - it's not just about reactionary care - proactive care is critical - from all angles - physical, mental, spiritual and now, relational. There is a personal responsibility to this as well as a corporate one. Relationships Matter Now will lead this movement and we need your help.

Join me and vote for this idea to get one of the first Pepsi Refresh Everything Grants. Voting started at midnight and goes until February 28. Winners will be announced on March 1.

Authentic Endorsement 2 - Switch: How to Change Things When Change is Hard by Chip Heath and Dan Heath

This is most likely my most anticipated post of the year so far.

You see, I've had the pre-release galley (yeah - even love the terminology) of this book since September. It clearly states on the cover, "Please Do Not Quote, Blog or Review until January 1, 2010"

I have been exercising TREMENDOUS self-control to keep it under raps so long. I read it once back then and read it again over the last month in prep for this post.

First of all, I have to say that I was not super familiar with Chip and Dan Heath before I saw them at the Leadership Summit (hosted by the Willowcreek Association) 2009 last August. As a marketer, I'd heard about their bestseller "Made to Stick" but had never gotten around to reading it. Their session at the Summit was so good, entitled "Switch" and captivated me from start to finish, even as a right after lunch offering.

From the first page - I was hooked on this practical guide on what fuels change in many different situations. Since I am personally embarking on a change mission - this was like a one-on-one lesson for me designed precisely for this point in my life. The concepts that the Heath brothers teach are as intuitive as they are easy to explain and grasp. The connection between our emotional selves (Elephant) our rational selves (Rider) and harnessing them to reach a common goal is clearly something we all can relate to - no matter what we are attempting to change. The piece that I'd never seen expressed so clearly before which is, quite frankly the best part of the equation that the Heath brothers observed and teach about - the concept of the Path.

As a change agent by DNA - this resonated with me instantly. I could easily look back over the course of my life and all the change I'd led and could see where I'd "motivated the Elephant," "directed the Rider" while simultaneously "shaping the Path" to the change . Over and over in this book, you read about clear opportunities for change and each situation had the same three pieces of the equation working regardless of budget, timing or who was leading the change. That's powerful.

My favorite story of change was one I'd heard them share at the Summit and was in Chapter 2 of the book - the story of Jerry Sternin who worked for Save the Children in Vietnam in 1990. In an effort to understand and fight malnutrition in Vietnam, Jerry did a very basic yet often missed technique to impart change - he found a bright spot and capitalized on it. With little to no budget to help fight malnutrition and no Vietnamese language skills - Jerry observed how some children in one remote village were healthier than others. Most all Vietnamese families in this village had the same amount and type of food to eat - rice, shrimp, crab. Most fed their kids two times a day. The "conventional wisdom" among this group was that shrimp and crab were for adults and not really "appropriate" for kids. Additionally, there were sweet potato greens available but they were considered "low class" food.

When Jerry observed how the healthier kids were fed versus the others - he found a clear bright spot. The mothers whose kids were healthier - served their kids four meals a day (using the same amount of food as the other moms just rationing it differently). They also added tiny shrimp, crab and sweet potato greens to each serving. Sternin was amazed and right away had an answer to fighting malnutrition by enabling these model families to teach the others how to help their fellow villagers. There is so much more to this story - you'll have to read it but think about change in your own life for a minute... How often do we concentrate on wanting to change what's not right vs building on what is? Heck - we struggle to even ACKNOWLEDGE the good in most situations. This is just one of many practical applications that you will find throughout the 296 page book.

Most people will devour this in one sitting. As a working mom with many outside interests it took me a few weeks but it is written so well that either way - you will learn and retain the concepts and start applying them immediately.

The book will be on shelves on Feb 16, 2010 and I know at least Dan is doing a book tour to promote it - I am trying to work out seeing him when he breezes thru Chicago this spring. Go get this book. Even if the only change you are considering is personal. I am certain you will be "changed" after you read it.

Joy... a habit worth having

It is said in many places that 21-30 days represent the magic numbers with habits.

21 days break a bad habit.

30 days to form a good habit.

Since the start of the new year, I have been practicing the "habit" of being joy filled. Now interesting enough, when I went to looked up the definitions of happiness and joy, at first, they appear interchangeable.

Dictionary says happiness is a state of mind or feeling characterized by contentment, love, satisfaction, pleasure, or joy.

Joy, it says, is the emotion of great delight or happiness caused by something exceptionally good or satisfying.

Then I found this definition...the emotion evoked by well-being, success, or good fortune or by the prospect of possessing what one desires : delight.

The emotion evoked by well-being... that is my definition of joy.

Joy is not affected by circumstances.

Joy is not hinged on what someone does or does not do.

Joy is not about my satisfaction.

Enough about what joy is not...

Joy is powerful. It is larger than life to me.

Joy is the still small voice that reassures me of the long term goal.

Joy is the steadfast belief in myself and never wavering faith in my own talents.

Joy is looking sorrow in the face and letting it know - it is not welcome to stay.

Joy is knowing that my well-being, success and/or good fortune is in no human hand.

It's been 23 days and I have to admit - I've had some shocker days in that time but for the most part I have been joyful. And when I was not very joyful this past week, a co-worker reminded me of the source of my joy. How cool is that?

You see, when you practice living a joy filled life, others notice and are impacted by it. So much so that they take exception and help get you back on track when you fall off.

There is still time to pick up a new habit this year.

May I suggest living a joy filled life?

Authentic Inspiration

The past week was brutal on me.

Work was... well it was work. Particularly frustrating this past week, more so than usual.

The disaster in Haiti just crippled me several times. Story after story of triumph and heartache.

An 11 year old girl who's last words to her mom were, "Mother, don't let me die." Hour after hour of the images, it's just too much.

Yet it inspired me. Inspired me to take a cold hard look at myself and my life.

Inspired me to take advantage of every opportunity to impact the world I live in. Big opportunities and little ones just the same.

Dictionary says inspiration is "the action or power of moving the intellect or emotions". Inspired is the adjective from the verb inspire which means "to exert an animating, enlivening or exalting influence on" or "to infuse" or "to spur on"

One year ago today, I walked into the village hall in Lake in the Hills to file my paperwork to join the Trustee Board race. You all know the outcome of that tale. Inspired by a lifetime of political interest and working on many victorious political campaigns for others, I mounted my own campaign, won and joined the ranks of elected officials and public servants last April.

Today, I tell you that I am going to lead a national conversation on how we change the way we look at relationships in our lives. We are going to change the way we support each other in relationships. We are going to INSPIRE people to pro-actively work on the relationships in their lives and guide them to the tools necessary.

I have been formulating plans since August. Holding productive meetings with that tight group of confidants since late November. Moving forward little by little, carefully calculating the next move.

Last week, the day after the earthquake, I applied for a grant from the Pepsi Refresh Everything Project to start RelationshipsMatterNow.com.

I am also applying to be in the Clever 1000, a network of social-media connected natural networkers and influencers who want to have a voice in engaging with and enhancing brands.

You see, inspiration is lost and/or wasted if there is no action to back it up. Of course, I'm making a donation. Today, in fact. Even thinking about joining a rebuilding project when they start. But that, for me is not enough. Because as my pastor said yesterday, "Anderson Cooper will fly to another location soon" and all eyes will turn away from Haiti.

What will be the fruits of the inspiration you've felt in these days?

Perhaps you will be inspired to hug your loved ones more tightly. Tell them you love them at every chance.

Perhaps you will think twice about how use the resources you've been blessed with.

Or maybe you'll read about the history of Haiti and learn more than the sound bites the media is feeding us.

Whatever you do - don't lose this opportunity to be authentically inspired to action of some kind. Make sure you convert the hurt and any energy you have felt by this disaster into something good.

Tune In

For the second time in less than 7 days I have been completely without my Coach wristlet.

Last week, a walking angel picked it up at the local Meijer grocery store and returned it to the service desk with all $143.92 cents + cards/id.

Tonight, after music lessons and paying for new music books - somehow I dropped it in the middle of the parking lot and did not discover it until I made a stop to buy something a few minutes later. Miraculously, it was there laying 100 yards from the door of the music studio on the ground in the 8 degree cold.

Of course, I'm thankful that I was not forced down the "I lost my wallet and I want to die" road but I started to think WTF? Why am I all of a sudden losing things?
I am the epitome of the above picture. Queen of Multi-tasking. Too much on my mind and too little time paying attention.

A few weeks back, a very good friend surprised me with the news that she was ending her marriage and moving back to California via text. I was floored. I had no idea there was trouble.

It's because I was not tuned in. There were clues, subtle and not-so-subtle and I missed them all. Sure, I was so focused on attending to another woman in our group of friends and ensuring that I gave her birthday cake for her birthday, which I am sure meant a lot but had I been tuned in, I would have prioritized reaching out to this other friend. No question.

When I get home from work - my kids want to talk to me and I find myself irritated to stop and listen as I rush to get dinner on the table.

At work - if the person who walks in my office has the unfortunate luck of not being a succinct communicator, I am checking the email that just came in and glancing at my computer instead of listening fully to what they are saying.

That all ends today.

I have an impromptu objective to add to my list for 2010.

I need to tune in.

The guilt and re-tracking back to make sure I got it all is killing me.

So starting now, I am going to work to multi-task only when appropriate. Because that is so vague, squishy and such "a recipe for failure", here is quick list of when it's clearly NOT ok to multi-task:

• Anyone in my immediate family is talking to me or vying for my attention
• When I am catching up with friends - no more commuting only calls. For every commute call, there must be a non-commute call to match it. {MHH we are in trouble -Big Time}
• If someone walks in my office to discuss work issues. When the time is pressing, I will say so and politely move to get back to what I was doing
• When I am entering or leaving establishments - no calls or checking email.

That's good enough to start. I want to challenge everyone to do the same - tune in more in 2010.

Gotta go - being summoned to join a family Wii game.