|The World of A Depressed Person And Those That Love Them|
From the slow decline and subtle transformational changes to a traumatic event that thrust it into full light, depression devoured someone I loved.
It started with a decline in external connections. Really easy to miss especially in someone who had so few connections to begin with. I didn't pay much attention to what was being said at the time but now it's so clear. Invitations declined. Inquiries brushed off. Negative or neutral comments about every one who showed even the slightest interest in maintaining contact.
Then I noticed the disconnection from our family. Further and further drifts into the internet or other interests outside our close knit family. Almost never truly being present. And when there was presence, there was frustration and irritation. Few smiles, fewer conversations. Raising the issue only caused tension and further isolation - risks I'm not afraid of and continued to push.
Good days and strings of good days declined. I'd hold on to those good times as indications that the poor times were a figment of my overachieving imagination. Pushed along. Pushed forward. Then in August 2014, the final facade in the charade of depression was shattered. A traumatic and swift event stole the final "front" that kept my loved floating through life.
Quickly after the trauma and only at my insistence, a trip to a psychologist rendered a diagnosis and a treatment plan was laid out but never followed. To this day almost 15 months later, the treatment plan sits on a doctor's chart and burning in my brain. After the diagnosis, month-by-month, I watched the further disconnection from reality and the deeper deception that is depression. I've watched this disease convince someone they are garbage and not worth loving or hiring.
That's what happens when depression is untreated, over and over again - not just to the clinically depressed person but to the people close to them trying to help. What's scary to me is the fact that people live like this in relative obscurity in our society. They have families, marriages, jobs and all the things the rest of us have yet very few people really know and understand their existence. And it is a stark existence.
I have surrendered my loved one and my marriage to this untreated depression for my own peace of mind. We are on the upside of this reality and managing well the transition from the life we had to the life that awaits us.
But I am now awake to the horror that is depression. I will no longer suffer in silence. I declare war on depression for the sake of those sinking in battle alone. You are not alone. There are many of us fighting. We may lose battles
My ask, take notice. Don't shy away from conversations. Pick up the phone. Visit people.
Ask for help. Connect with others who suffer. Find support groups. Talk about your suffering.
Do something. Depression counts on you to do nothing.
My relationship with depression is no longer secret. It's public and it's war.