Monday, March 28, 2016
So anyone who has known me for any length of time knows I do my best to follow the simple instructions of that post-it at the top of this post. And that is why it's especially vexing to live in our Facebook fairytale world these days.
Take this past Sunday for instance.
Christians and even many non-Christians kept a string of happy pastel colored photos in my stream all day. No ill feelings for that. I am one of those folks is happy when people I love are happy. But I'm also one of those folks who feel sad and feel deeply when my people are sad. But it's a fine line these days for the extended tribe. Of course those who are close to me are intimately aware of what's happening. In my desire to live authentically, I don't struggle with sharing my current state of affairs openly and regularly. But in our social media highlights versus day-to-day living, it is tough to keep it real.
How do you express sadness without evoking pity in our Facebook era?
How do you keep it real about where you are without bumming everyone out?
Well right along with all those other things that Sunday was to masses, it had been a very special day to me in the past. Sunday March 27 marked what would have been the 15 anniversary of my marriage that crumbled under the weight of depression that swallowed up my partner of 15 years late last year.
I am not hiding or hesitating to state that every chance I get.
I am sad.
I am mourning as are my two kids.
It's natural and normal to feel this way but it's whole 'nother thing to post about it. But I'm hoping to change that. There is dignity in opening mourning your losses. People learn how to love you when allow yourself to be broken before them. And we are broken.
But like the hope that is in the hearts of those who actually celebrate Easter and Resurrection - we all know that there can be no Sunday morning without a Friday afternoon. Trauma. Sadness. Death. All necessary to rise again. Well that space between the death and the resurrection is where we are living these days in my house. We are doing the best we can under the circumstances we have.
We could not get all dressed up take photos of our holiday happenings because it was all we could do to make our food and smile and be with each other this year. And when I finally looked at the calendar at the end of the day and saw that it was a day we used to celebrate with fervor, the sadness overcame me and I had to share it.
My relationship with reality is too solid to fake it for the masses. So we must endure these days and this pain to have our resurrection as a family in its new form. We are gonna talk about it and share it and hope that others will join us on our journey to our new normal.