Get Ready For 2013

What does a piano lesson, a question on LinkedIn, a random Facebook forward and a small baptist college in Elgin, IL have in common? They were all vehicles for the brain trust that came together as a "super" tribe for Relationships Matter Now on Saturday Dec 8, 2012.

Super tribe because this group of people spent  1/2 that December Saturday - two of them remotely via Skype - thinking about the future of Relationships Matter Now, LLC, strategic planning for 2013 and beyond.

I share this story for two reasons... one to encourage you to gather like minded people around your 'cause' for the coming year and to remind you to have a plan for that cause.

Whatever it is you want to do, whatever you need to accomplish  - it will not happen with you alone. It must be aided by the relationships in your life and what better time to rally folks than in a reflecting exercise on where you are and where you want to go.

That's what we did that cold Saturday morning. Three in one room and two online. Technology challenged but we stayed to course and hammered out some clear cut things that Relationships Matter Now can do to jump start 2013.

Not only is there a basic framework for the founder to follow but there is built in accountability because 4 other people know what needs to happen as well. There are specific deliverables, dates to regroup and road map to get started immediately.

Relationships Matter Now is ready for 2013! Are you? Is your business? your career? If you cannot say yes to all these things - I'm gonna need you to do the following:

Reflect

Take a moment to reflect on the past year. What was good? What was not good? What could have been better? What could have been worse? Who helped? Who hindered? Grab a journal and write it down. Grab a tribe member and get their feedback. You (like many of us) are too close to it. You need some outside perspective. Reflect alone and reflect in a group or with a partner but please take the time to reflect on 2012. You cannot move forward well without at least reviewing what's happened and why.

Record

As you think ahead - record what you feel, what you want to feel. Record what you envision happening. Write down the people who can help make it happen. Write down a few scenarios on how you can get it to happen. Share these recordings with your tribe -perhaps your "super" tribe - those closest to you and who have the most interest in what you are doing. Don't share this with just anyone - these thoughts, actions, plans are precious and only need to be shared with your inner circle. Recording them is step one and sharing is another step but both are essential to getting you ready for 2013.

So what are you waiting for? Get going!

3 Easy Ways To Protect Your Fun This Holiday Season

Over the next few weeks, most of us will be faced with the prospect of spending more time than normal with our close and/or extended loved ones.  That thought can bring both joy and terror to the hearts of many.

We all know that the holidays adds pressure that is not there at other times of the year. I want to encourage you to protect your fun this holiday season. Here are three practical things you can do:

Breathe Deeply. Often.

In our rush, rush, hurry hurry society, it is easy to just quickly move from place-to-place, person-to-person without ever really truly experiencing a moment.  Breathing deeply, often forces you to do that. When we take deep breathes, we are confined to the moment we are in. It forgets what is behind and holds off what lies ahead. A deep exaggerated inhale and intentionally pushed out exhale holds the participant in the time it takes to do it. It clears the mind and empties the heart, even if just for a few seconds. You cannot do anything else when you do it. 

Smile.

Genuinely open your heart and widen your mouth as much as you possibly can over the next few weeks. Especially try this at that trying dinner/cocktail/visit you know you will be faced with. Smiling eases the muscles in your face and takes less energy than a frown. Use a smile in response to the dig you may get from the family member who takes sarcastic digs at everyone. Smile to yourself as you realize you missed a gathering or forgot to buy a gift you'd planned on getting.  Smile knowing that your regular routine - good or bad is just a few days away. Smile knowing your have an opportunity to make the new year that is fast approaching, a new beginning.

Use Fewer Words.

Speak less words in your interactions this holiday season.  Precise communication really helps all situations. Choosing wisely what to say and what not to say can make the difference in every relationship you have this holiday season. This is especially tough but important for both those close relations and the distant ones. In our close relations, we feel comfortable saying "all we have to say" while in our distant relations, we often feel the need to "fill them in" because of the distance. I say use fewer words in all settings and see how it goes. You may hear more than you normally do. You will certainly have less pressure to say the right thing if you go this route.

Picking one or more of these tips will surely protect your fun this holiday season.  I employed them all last year and will be doing it again this year.

Happy holidays. Merry Christmas. Happy Hannukah. and a Happy and Prosperous 2013!

RIP Jenni Rivera - What A Difference 17 years Makes or Not

The late Jenni Rivera and her now estranged husband, former White Sox Pitcher Esteban Loaiza

Another young famous person is gone too soon.

With the news of the passing of "La diva de banda" Jenni Rivera sending shock waves through Latin America and across the Spanish speaking community in the United States, I'm no longer an outsider looking in. I am feeling this loss even though I do not listen to banda - the music that Jenni made a household name to most anyone who speaks Spanish in the world. She'd sold close to 20M albums and just released a new one in the last few weeks.

The last time the Latin world mourned someone with such charisma, beauty and potential to cross over into general market stardom was over 17 years ago when Selena Quintanilla Perez left this planet by an assasin's bullet.

I remember seeing the news and not understanding, at all the magnitude of the loss. As the death of any young person always grips me, someone who had to deal with death since a very early age, I could not fathom the blow that the Latin community seemed to take when they lost Selena in 1995. I'd never heard one song. I'd never even remembered seeing her on the Grammy Awards show the year before her death and I was a huge music fan.

After her death, I proceeded to learn all I could about Selena since really my only connection to her at the time of her death was that we were both born in 1971. I read articles, books, anything I could get my hands on in English and in Spanish to learn about this fallen star and why so many people were hurt by her parting.

I did this because of how annoyed and disgusted I was by hearing people say things like - "Who is she?"  "Why does this matter?" Of course, every person matters, famous or not -but my goal then was to spread myself outside my world - which at that time really consisted of very little outside "mainstream American culture."

That journey, the spring and summer of 1995 opened my eyes to a rich culture that had been in my life all along growing up in Chicago Heights, IL when the census count was most likely 30% White, 30% Black and 30% Mexican-American. I bet back then that many of the gals I grew up with in da Heights knew and mourned the loss of Selena and vowed that would not happen to me again.

The years that followed saw me do many many things to broaden my culutral horizon including travel to many countries in Europe and Latin America. I became fluent in Spanish because I knew it would help me as I worked for a Major League Soccer team start-up - the Chicago Fire. Mostly teaching myself via telenovelas and Spanish music. Amazing how the universe conspires to change your life when you are ready.

Fast forward to 2012.

LOTS has changed in my life since 1995, most notably, I am Mexican por matrimonio (by marriage). So you can imagine, upon hearing the news of Jenni Rivera's missing plane and subsequent crash that not only did I know who Jenni was - I'd actually seen her show, I Love Jenni on mun2, once or twice. I'd heard her music at a quincenera or even at my home as we flipped though the hundreds of channels on cable TV - a third of which are Spanish speaking in our house.

So what? You may be thinking...

Well not much has changed in 17 years. People are still in the dark about the "Jenni Riveras" of our country. Social media amplifies that now versus then - did you see some of the comments on the CNN stories or on Twitter?

"Who cares? I don't know her"

"Why is this news?"

Those were the most frustrating comments to me.  And they were the same comments I heard 17 years ago when Selena was killed. Famous American women not even recognized in our shared country. Yeah, our country. Jenni and Selena were both born here in California and Texas.  Both were groundbreaking musical artists who appealed to a huge and growing segment of the US. You could even say that Selena opened the door to Jenni's success. Their contributions to music and beyond were huge and growing each year with both women branching out into fashion and other industries with their unique style and appeal. And because their contribution to our American mosaic is still not quite accepted and valued, these women packaged their talents and sold them to millions of  people outside their home country. Nothing is wrong with that, I'd just like to see the day when we can accept that America is evolving and changing and everyone's contributions to that change is valuable. And until our relationship with diversity and differences changes in our country, we will continue to have more to the same behavior towards one another.

I'd love it if the next Selena or Jenni does not have leave these shores to make their fortune.

RIP Jenni Rivera, I'm glad I had the chance to know who you were.

From Here To Your Life's Work: Step 5 - Make A Bold Move

Fifth and final step toward your life's work

We've come to the place in the journey where the rubber meets to road.

Do you really believe you've found your life's work?

Are you ready to take a gamble on yourself?

Will you make a move that scares you?

Regardless your answers to those questions, you at this point and you need to answer them honestly.

Over the last few weeks, we've journeyed through the main topics of my book, From Here to There: 5 Steps To Doing Your Life's Work Every Day. The final step in the journey comes easy for some.

After spending the time to find your voice, build the tribe, start something and committing to using your best talents daily - the final step just presents itself and many will grab the opportunity. Or it could take time practically pass you by like it happened for me.

While I was starting stuff and using my talents daily, the "bold move" took more than a full year to manifest itself for me. I contend that this step is actually a series of small bold moves that allow you to take comfort in your direction.

Had I not started making small bold moves before the fall of 2011, I am pretty sure I would not have recognized the bold, bold move when it appeared.  One of my small bold moves was making an identity for the my business and making business cards in the summer of 2010. Engaging a design group to create a logo and mark for Relationships Matter Now was one of the first moves I made to bring the ideas and thoughts on my life's work to life.

Stepping out, spending money and engaging outsiders in that vision way back then was really a bold move albeit small in my eyes. There were a series of these small bold moves for the 15 months until I made what I now point to as THE bold move that changed the course of the business and subsequently my life. Without question, the small steps made me ready for the big one when it appeared. It is the simple law of momentum. Once an object is set into motion in a direction, lots of forces support the move and only a huge counter effort can stop it.

We must not waver. Once you start the journey to your life's work - you must complete it. There is no time frame but you have to take advantage of any momentum you generate and you have to make bold moves. Often.


Be ready when your bold move presents itself.

From Here To Your Life's Work: Step Four - Commit To Using Your Best Talents Daily

Step 4 To Doing Your Life's Work: Commit to Using Your Best Talents

This is the point in the journey where it gets a bit easier for a moment.

Finding your voice, tough.

Finding your tribe can be tougher than finding your voice.

Starting something can be terrifying for some.

Committing to using your best talents daily should be the easiest of all the steps we've reviewed to date.

Why?

Because they are your best talents and I'm pretty sure they are things that you are very good at naturally or enjoy doing tremendously. So the challenge to use them more often should be a welcome one.  Now if you shoot back that you don't even KNOW what your best talents are - still not a problem. Go figure that out.

There are so many resources available to assist you in this area. Personally, I've used Myers-Briggs Personality Test and StrengthFinders 2.0 but there are many resources help you identify your best talents.

Without question, identifying and utilizing your best talents are critical for doing your life's work. One of the key principles I point out in my book, From Here To There: 5 Steps To Doing Your Life's Work Every Day is that your life's work has nothing to do with where you work or who you work for but everything to do with the work itself. And the "work itself" stems from your ability to harness and execute consistently against your best talents.

For me, my best talents (in no order) are the following:

Cast a vision
Ignite people
Inspire people

In order to know that I am fully doing my life's work every day - I must be doing one of the above talents daily. And it is an intentional commitment. My daily to do list is not complete without tasks that include one of my best talents. In fact, I often create a "to don't" list to ensure my focus. Let's dive a bit on my point from earlier in the post - the fact that your best talents are your best talents for a reason.

When you are using your best talents, you most likely doing something that comes naturally to you or something that you enjoy.  When you're doing something enjoyable, do you care about time? Are you watching the clock? Of course not. You just do that thing and can often times be described as "going into your own little world."

I see this every time I get a peek at my Evan playing guitar. We push him to practice and he always balks but when you get the chance to see him making music - it is unbelievable. He just plays and plays. Time is not an issue because Evan is a natural at guitar. He hears the music not only with his ears but with his heart.

That's me at a strategic planning session or a customer service workshop and brainstorm. It is bliss for me to see others igniting on their own words and ideas as I draw them out and put them to paper before their eyes.

Guys, this is the money step.

When you commit to using your best talents daily, you will see the world transform around you to enable you to do it more. Get started right away. Even in the smallest way, figure out how to integrate your best talents into your daily routines.


How will you do that today?

From Here To Your Life's Work: Step 3 Start Something

This is the easiest of the 5 steps.

Who doesn't understand START SOMETHING?

Once you have your purpose (VOICE)  and people (TRIBE) in place to help push your purpose - it is only logical that you start doing something. Immediately.

There is really not much more to elaborate here.

Wanna be a motivational speaker? Schedule a talk.

Love baking and want to do it all the time? Offer to make treats for a party at work

Want to have a famous BBQ joint? Roast a pork butt for an event at your church

Want to help disadvantage youth? Mentor some one in the Boys and Girls club

Want to work with elderly retirees? Volunteer to run a games shift at a local nursing home

Do you smell what I'm cooking? This step is as little or as big as you make it.

In the book, I reference many things that I started. Some I'm still doing, others - not so much.

This step is really one of the most important you will take on the road to your life's work. You HAVE to start somewhere. Volunteering is a great way to start and animate your tribe to help you find opportunities that pay. And don't immediately think you can't ask for money for the things you start. Perhaps there is a budget at church for the meals they serve to volunteers. They were gonna spend it anyway - why not on you?

Plus the more your start, the more you learn and the quicker you can get to what you really need to be doing. Can't get there from an idea or a plan on paper.

You have to do something.

Read more about the journey to your life's work in the new book - buy it on Amazon following this link: From Here To There: 5 Steps To Doing Your Life's Work Every Day

Why 11.11.11 Will Go Down In My HiStory?

In the midst of the final preparations for the launch party this week for my book, From Here To There: 5 Days To Doing Your Life's Work, it occurred to me that one year ago today everything related to Relationships Matter Now and my work life changed forever.

Exactly one year ago today, I closed the "deal" that sealed my fate as an entrepreneur versus an employedpreneur. While it took a few more weeks to hammer out a contract, tend to other legal wranglings and then actually start the work, it was on a sunny Friday afternoon, 5 days before I turned 40 years old that it all became very real.

I recall making the ask for the business after presenting my plan that was worth close to $3.4M in marketing services. It was surreal when the potential immediately said yes. I remember being ready to "rebut" the push back on the price of the package presented. The team I'd assembled to do the work had made our plan A and had several a la carte options ready to present should the client balk at the price tag. When the client said yes and asked when we could start, I did not miss a beat and replied, "November 28. Provided we come to an agreement quickly"

"Draw it up!" was his comeback

And with a handshake, it happened.

I was no longer dependent on someone else to assign me work or projects.

It was completely in my hands who I worked with - to whom I chose to lend my talent.

The amount of money I earned was also in my own control.

I would begin to do the work I loved, that I was uniquely called to do, every day  - from that moment on.

In the car on the way home, I called first my husband. Elated with tears and all - I told him the deal was on. The second call I made was to my dad. And then I just drove home in silence, reflecting on all the stops and starts. Replaying all the little things I'd done to bring me to that moment and I just beamed.

If you read the book you'll know that that contract fizzled 4 months later but that did not change the enormous impact November 11, 2011 had on me.

That day will be seared in my mind and heart as the day I freed myself of all constraints to do the my life's work every day. I have not looked back. And regardless what happens in my business and life - I will always remember 11.11.11.

Want to get closer to your own 11.11.11? Take a moment and check out my book on Amazon - it just may be the push you need to get you on your journey to your 11.11.11.