No Water Cooler, No Problem: Hot Topics Have No Place In The Workplace

Boys in Chicago united in protest to handling of Trayvon Martin case in Florida. I love this photo.

The White Bronco Chase.

The Verdict.

Hurricane Katrina.

Kanye Dissing W.

Kanye Interrupting Taylor Swift.

Liar Shouted At The President in a State of the Union address

Those are just a few of the many times in my adult life when events have swept our nation up in a firestorm of conversation about race relations, racial tension or as some folks say "the race card" where people inject race where it should not be a factor.

Trayvon Martin murder.

Why did I separate the latest event? Because for the first time in my adult life I'm not in a "workplace" setting where I'm forced to interact with others as we all process our reactions, thoughts and feelings around very polarizing topics.

I've had the luxury to deal with this latest event 100% on my own terms. First, taking in little information and reading/watching as I wanted. No forced conversations. No reacting to the reactions of others.

Last week,  as the fever pitch of the Martin case came to a crescendo,  I found myself frozen in a state of shock. Finally realizing that as a mom to a vibrant little black boy of the tender age of 6 - that this harsh reality of our country's state of poor race relations could impact his life, fatally in an instant. I became obsessed with coverage for a few days and really didn't speak to anyone besides my husband,  save a quick conversation with my lawyer and friend-  a fellow black mom of boys.  A few other IMs with friends and one quick Facebook post has been all the interacting on the topic I could handle.


Nothing more. And I was glad that I no longer had the water cooler layer to add to my processing.  I  never realized before now, how stressful all those previous situations. Regardless where I worked, I was always one of few or the only minority in the vicinity and I always felt compelled to join the discussions,  no matter now painful. It was a damned if you do, damned if you don't situation.

Sit by and let opinions fly that were at times downright ignorant.

Join in the conversation at the "risk" of representing all black folks in the world with my thoughts.

Either way, I always dreaded going to work on the morning "after" these stories broke.

How refreshing it is to be self-employed as the current firestorm brews. I can opt-out of discussions with others or opt-in - 100% at my choosing.

I do believe that race relations are a worthy topic of discussion and welcome it but not at work. We have a far too contentious a relationship with race in the United States to really discuss it at the water cooler.

Do me a favor? Stop and look around your workplace. Look for opportunities to opt-out of these conversations in a global setting. One-on-one is another story. By all means - if you'd like to discuss this with someone you have a relationship with - do it. That is good.

I mean the literal gatherings or "water cooler" huddles that discuss volatile issues are bad news for most people involved. Remember that the next time we have one of these explosive topics hit the national news cycle.

What do you think?

How To Make Time To Do What You Love

How often do you 'plan' to do things and never follow through?

How many of those things are things you LOVE to do?

This has really become a hot topic for me now that I am self-employed. Prioritizing.

It is so easy to just power through life and not make time for the things we love. We fill our days with obligations and things we 'need' to do in place of things we love to do. If you stop and take a close look at how you spend your time, would you make changes?

I've been bird dogging my time since I've been working on my own and found that I have a healthy balance of obligations and genuine desires in my every day life. It varies by day but it balances out each the week. There is never a shortage of things we are obligated to do. However, it can be a challenge to work in the things we love to do.  Here are three techniques I use to achieve this balance:

Identify

Do you even know what you love to do? I do. And I can honestly say that over the years it's morphed and changed. Identifying activities that you love takes time and trial. Don't miss an opportunity to understand your desires. Be observant to your body's cues. Last year, I would have told you that I don't like to run if you'd asked me. Then my daughter asked me to run a 5K with her and I started training. It was painful yet fulfilling. I loved the actual races I ran last year so much so that I have committed to 5 races this year with the first one being in 4 weeks. Had I not tried it, I would have never figured myself to be a runner. 



Articulate

Declaring what you love is just as important as identifying it. Once you know, you must say it. One of my favorite parts in the movie Elf  is when Buddy The Elf declares, "I'm in love, I'm in love and I don't care who knows about it!" That is the same enthusiasm we should have in stating our desires.  Journal if you're not comfortable shouting it. It doesn't matter how you articulate it, just as long as you do actually express it. It cannot become real until it gets from your head and heart to paper or to your lips.


Enlist

Get the folks you do life with in on your desires! It is really difficult to make time for something that no one knows about. My running is a priority now and everyone in my life knows it. I've also recently declared that I am writing a book. I've already asked for accountability from an old college friend and lined up an editor. Without question, I follow through on the my dream to write a book now more than any other time before simply because I've enlisted some help to keep it high on my priority list.

That's my list. What are techniques you use to work in more things you love vs. things you need to do?

Spring Cleaning: A Complex But Great Relationship

This post is sponsored by Pine-Sol® Clean & Disinfect with Pine-Sol®: The Powerful Scent of Clean." I was compensated for this post as a member of Clever Girls Collective, but the content is all my own.

With the onset of Spring coming so early in Chicago this year, I feel a bit off balance and out of sorts. Breaking open the windows this past week reminded me of the ONE time of year I actually enjoy cleaning my house.

My relationship with cleaning has always been somewhat strained but each Spring, I manage to put aside my day-in, day-out baggage and really give my house the once over it longs for from its owner.

It was not so long ago that I outsourced regular cleaning for good after many fits and starts. 2009 to be exact. I caved in to the pressure to keep our 1900 square feet - 3 bedroom, 2.5 bathroom house somewhat livable by hiring a service twice per month. Best use of budget dollars every month.

We even changed cleaning crews recently but when they asked me the other day - "can we schedule your Spring cleaning?" I was happy to respond - "Thanks, but no thanks."

You see - I LOVE the chance to restart the cleaning season in my house.

I love to make the wood floors sing like only I can.
I love to clean the windows and blinds.
I love to defrost and clean the freezer and fridge - behind the fridge - even better.
I don't love the bathrooms but I do love the smell of Lavender Fresh Pine Sol that fills my house after I do manage to get them done.

I love what I model to my kids in the process...

You can convert a poor relationship (every day maintenance cleaning) into an excellent one (annual spring cleaning) by recognizing clear cues of distress, addressing them and being realistic about the long term prospects.

I am a lousy cleaning person if I must do it regularly. Especially now.

With a new business, I am more busy than I ever was in my corporate gig.
With kids growing up and branching out - our time together is precious. Too precious to lose a Saturday am or weeknight evening to cleaning.

However, taking the time to thoroughly clean every spring allows me to get rid of things we no longer need to make way for new or nothing. It keeps me in touch with my home's needs and fine tunes my instructions for our crew each year. I wouldn't change it for anything.

While my date with the cleaning bucket is  usually late April early May - this year - it will be over Spring Break next week. And I can't wait!

What about you? What is your relationship with Spring Cleaning?

Are you a little extreme when it comes to cleaning? Win the Pine-Sol® Deep Clean Diva Crown and $5000. Enter Now!

Be Unencumbered

One of my favorite sights every Spring is that of birds returning to the Chicagoland area.

I love to see them in flight especially in the early days like now when it is a big risk that the weather may not cooperate long term.

What I love most is the freedom these birds have to be where they want to be, regardless of the pundits who say the weather won't last. 

Regardless of whether generous souls have their bird feeders out yet.

Regardless of what predators await them.

Birds are unencumbered by nature.

Last week one of my Twitter friends tweeted and I quote

"@Lotay is unencumbered."

What a grand statement!

Dictionary says:

un·en·cum·bered [uhn-en-kuhm-berd]  

adjective

1. not impeded, slowed down, or retarded; free to move, advance, or go forward.

2. having few or no burdens or obligations.

3. not burdened or weighed down, as with bulky or heavy objects.

 

Can you describe yourself as unencumbered? 

 

Most days I can and it is really a goal every day. 

 

No question, life throws curve balls our way and sometimes it's hard not to feel just a wee bit encumbered but as long as it is a temporary state, all is good.

 

Look out your window and spot a bird. Observe their nature and do it yourself.

Be unencumbered this day!

 

Keep It Moving: A Tale of a Good Relationship With Obstacles

Credit: iq concepts @fotaglia

When you are working on something and it falls apart after hours and hours of investment, what is your first reaction?

After venting and thoroughly expressing my disappointment for a short period of time, I usually just Keep It Moving!

Really.  No joking.

Keep It Moving.

Life is too short to allow obstacles much time.

Obstacles come in many shapes and forms but are always identifiable by their ability to block our view from the goal. Obstacles obscure but never fully block the road to our goals.

Unless we let them.

My partner and I recently had a business opportunity crumble before our eyes over the course of a weekend. It was not pretty. I'll spare you the gory details but I will share this...

The sun had not set on the Sunday of that weekend without me already dusting off our original plan that we were executing against when our "obstacle" got into our view last fall.

The obstacle that we had was a good one, a gift. It did a few things for us....

1. Solidified our original commitment.
2. Strengthened our belief in our abilities.
3. Kick started us toward what we REALLY needed to be doing.

You see, I have a a fantastic relationship with obstacles. I'm constantly faced with them yet they never get the best of me. Even the big scary, expensive ones....I never take my eyes off the prize, the goal. I "keep it moving" toward my goal. Period

My favorite analogy is one that I can't believe I still see in this day and age... have you ever seen those people basically parked on the highway under the viaducts when it's pouring rain sideways? I can remember the first time I saw this driving on my own. I was tempted to stop and join them but just couldn't. To my surprise and now my delight - the crazy storm was really just a few clouds and stopping under the viaduct kept those folks from where they were going. Even temporarily, it was a waste when the road was clear a few miles ahead where it was lightly raining or not raining at all.

That's how I see obstacles... a raincloud that must be driven through.

What about you? What is your relationship with obstacles?

The Unlikely Entrepreneur: A Tale of My Relationship With My Talents

Talent is a natural born or acquired ability &  you need to use yours

As I look back at my 18 month journey to entrepreneurship, the one thing that just jumps out at me is the fact that I am an unlikely entrepreneur.

At the beginning of this whole deal my goal was not to have my own business. Nor was it to "stick it to the man". Or make tons of money.

It was simply to use my talents fully, every day.

That's it.

I had a good paying progressive marketing career that started in non-profit, moved to agencies and entertainment properties finally working in corporate entities. I was happy. Making more money with each move and meeting great talented people all along the way. No intentions of ever working for myself. My family is made up of hardworking people who work for others. That's what I'd looked forward to as well. I'd envisioned a VP of Marketing title at some huge place some day. Then about 4 years ago, something happened...

I noticed that I was not doing what I was good, no,  make that BEST at on the regular. It was weird. I was in my highest paying job to date and being severely under utilized. Now it coincided with a huge strain in my personal life so I welcomed the opportunity to channel some of the energy I'd normally be exerting at work to my more pressing,  home life. However, coming out of that crisis, I was miserable vocationally speaking. And I'd engaged an executive/life coach, Rachel Weinstein just before all the personal turmoil hit and it was the best investment ever. During our time together it was clear that while I did not know exactly what I needed to be doing, I needed to be using my talents more.

So I started doing just that.

First, pitching myself to facilitate a parks and recreation workshop for women who want to tap into their passion.

Next, was running for and winning public office in the municipality where I live.

There were so many things I started doing. And each month,  I got a little closer. Until last fall, I actually ended up exactly where I started. In marketing.

Funny - I describe myself as a Wife. Mother. Marketer. Public Servant. In that order.

So it should have been no surprise to me that marketing myself as an independent marketer would be a success. Yet there I was wandering around for months trying to figure out exactly what my company should be doing.

The lesson of this tale...

Identify your talents and then commit yourself to engaging them daily.

Period.

Got a job and "they" aren't using your talents? So. Then YOU need to commit yourself to developing and utilizing your God given or acquired talents,  every day.

Who knows where that journey will take you?

Open For Business, Finally

This has got to be the longest grand opening ever but here goes....

Relationships Matter Now, LLC is open for business.

I know, I've been dabbling, teasing and even doing independent projects, collecting clients here and there for the last 2 years. But as of Feb 16, 2012 - Relationships Matter Now, LLC is taking up 100% of all my vocational energy.

It has been exhilarating and scary time. Because I hung out the shingle so long ago and have morphed and evolved what RMN is many times - here goes a little Q & A for those of you who have been around awhile.

What is Relationships Matter Now, LLC?

We are a boutique marketing consultant firm that specializes in bringing new products or services to market. This was a very easy decision. When I looked at my entire career, with the exception of my time at Sears (and there was some application there albeit really stretching), I've always been the pioneer marketer. The one who comes up with the plan and process to bring something new to market. To reach folks and lure them in for the trial.

Every single position I held in a company was a newly created position or one that I created from another role within the company. It made all the sense in the world for my venture to start by partnering with clients to bring something new to market.

We also serve as a strategic business partner for several clients providing overall business strategy consulting as well as marketing strategy, marketing planning and execution. I say we, because I have a solid team of other consultants across the US pitching in on most of the engagements we currently have.

Because relationships are our greatest asset, we have partners is various industries and use them to advance the business of our partners as well as our own.

Wasn't Relationships Matter Now, LLC gonna do something with relationships or relational wellness?

My,  do you have a great memory! Yes - two years ago at exactly this time - Relationships Matter Now was in the running for a Pepsi Refresh Everything Project grant to start bringing relational wellness programming to the forefront. We came thisclose to actually winning a grant but never did.

To answer the question - why yes, we were and are doing "something with relationships".  Relationships Matter Now is committed to leading the conversation on how relationships really work versus how we think they should work. We facilitate workshops and have led strategy sessions for clients who want to help their employees leverage relationships to boost profitability.

Helping folks strengthen their own Chain of Relationships - starting with self,  is still at the core of our values. However, partnering with clients to build and grow thriving relationships with their target customers is also a core value and competency of our firm.

RelationshipsMatterNow.com still has a goal to be the "WebMD" of relationships and serve as a hub for all things relationship. We are in the strategic planning stages of just how and when we march toward that goal. Stay tuned. The site will be morphing to match our current trajectory soon.

What makes Relationships Matter Now, LLC any different from anyone else out there selling marketing services?

Honestly, it's our relationships.

Starting with our relationships with our self. We know what we can do and cannot do. We operate from a place of complete integrity and are transparent with our partners thus encouraging reciprocal transparency.

And as a result of our strong relationships with self, our relationships with others are solid. The people and firms we choose to partner with are all connected to us personally. And yes, that does matter. When you operate from a place of working with people who share vision and values - not necessarily styles, you can never go wrong. There is never a need to convince. Ever. There is mutual respect for our talents and what everyone brings to the table and makes our partnerships more important that the project itself.

Will this blog change after this announcement?

Not at all. We are still committed to exploring and interacting with folks about all kinds of relationship topics. Now, the idea is to become more disciplined in posting. We'll see how that goes. This is the first week of one job focus and we're off to a great start.


So there's a glimpse of what's to come.  Thanks for being a huge part of this journey and stay tuned to see where we go.

We are about to change the world.

One relationship at a time.