The Panacea To A Drought Season or Your New Normal

For more than two years, I have spoken about the "tough season" my family and have have faced. Many times I've referenced it as a desert, a drought and most certainly a "temporary" moment in time for us. As this "season" has given way to a new normal that is quite different to my old life, I have  come to terms with how I face life today.

First, I have a posture of surrender. I surrender myself to circumstances beyond my own control. Now surrender in this case is letting go of control as well as not allowing the circumstance to impact my core.

Single motherhood. Not my favorite term and certainly not a term I ever wanted associated with me. Took extraordinary lengths to never be a single mom prior to my marriage yet here I am at 45 recalibrating my life as a single mom. Surrender in this case meant letting go of my own deep rooted beliefs about single motherhood. This exercise also challenged me to rethink my womanhood and what it meant to be a woman. It helped me think beyond what I was conditioned to think about motherhood, womanhood and marriage -  and I had to surrender all those thoughts given my new information and it has been liberating. Surrendering those thoughts and actions based on those thoughts made way for the second way I've come to face my new normal - a posture of gratitude.

Now, I've always been a somewhat positive and thankful person. You could always count on me to send you written thank you notes and that's a trait I passed to my children. I started an Awesome Jar a few years back to literally track all the good things that happen to me each year so I can take time on New Year's Eve to be grateful for them. Being grateful has always been in my DNA but I see now how it's even further and deeper ingrained in my daily life.

Because of the sheer amount and length of painful experiences we've had in the last few years, little things I took for granted before are sources of joy for me.

A phone call from a long lost friend.
Cocktails with a new friend.
A text from a virtual friend.
A hug from a growing boy.
Snuggle time in the bean bag chair with young lady.
Over 200 birthday wishes on Facebook.
A full day without tears over anything lost.
A compliment from client.
An incremental project.
An idea for my blog.

This list could go on and on and on. I actively seek things to be grateful for these days. I can be grateful for the big things like an amazing birthday month that included a 5 day vacation in Jamaica with my kids and equally thankful for a 2 hour conversation with a new friend. My heart has grown bigger and my woes smaller.

Next time you find yourself struggling in a tough season or resisting your new normal - take time to surrender and be grateful. Rinse and repeat.

Restoring Fatih When What You See Sucks

A new day sun means you have a chance to restore your faith

 

The last 4 weeks have challenged every positive mass I have in my body.

First, Prince died.

Then a few weeks later, my family moved. And while it was a planned and prepared for quick move across town, it about killed me both physically and emotionally. The grief it emoted about my pending divorce was debilitating.

Finally, I discovered this week that a super precious piece of jewelry is gone. Don't even remember the last time I saw it before the move. It was significant for many reasons among them, it was meaningful by who purchased it for me and the thoughtfully constructed additives each year since I got it for my birthday in 2014. 

I was at my end in puddle of tears, rage, anger, sadness and grief this week.

But I got up the next day and had to face my life all over again and here's what I did to make that happen:

Find Something Good

Gratitude is the cure for everything. In the midst of my worst day this week that really culminated a crappy string of days and weeks, I found something to be grateful for. It was small. But it was significant. It was a reminder that our lives are compiled of moments and while I am in the midst of a string of really crappy moments - I can find some good. You can, too. You must seek it. Look diligently for the one positive thing that occurs in the midst of turmoil. You can build from that.

Focus on Your Purpose

I have a purpose on earth. And I am living it. Even on the super hard days. When I feel sad, angry or despondent, I remember that I am here to drive better relationships. I am here to inspire others to be real - with themselves and those they do life with.  Even in my pain, there is purpose. When you find your purpose, be sure and use it as fuel. This week I was able to impact people with my talents in the midst of deep heartache. Last week was not different. Or the week before that. Focusing on my purpose makes this season less treacherous.

Know It's A Season

I've been saying that to myself for over a year now and I don't believe it any less. We cannot be down forever. I have no idea when my season will turn but I know it will. I have been on earth 44 years  and have seen my life in cycles and seasons since my mother's passing when I was 4 years old. I remember vividly great seasons and really desolate seasons throughout my life. This is no different. And while I have no idea when it will change and be a calm and peaceful season, I have faith that one day I will look back on this season and be better for it. Personally and professionally.


If you are like me, in the midst of a seemingly never ending tough season of life. Take heart.  Find something to be grateful for, focus on your purpose and be confident that it's a season that will indeed pass.

No Online Scrapbooks For Me, Ever

My scrapbooking process could never be replaced

For the first time since December 2010 before I had my right arm surgically repaired for radial nerve damage, I sat down to create a scrapbook. It was a daunting task that I'd started preparing for since late spring.

Once I decided this was going to be the weekend to crank out a book, it was on. During my initial layout process, I was quickly overwhelmed at how much work, time and effort goes into these lovely masterpieces. My oldest has 7 of these to my baby's 3. And he cherishes the ones he has looking at them at least once per month. My intention is to finish two for him and catch both kids up to the calendar year 2010 and I'm on 2008 now. I'd even posted on social media that I'd only "catch-up" the old fashioned way until 2010 after which I'd buy the more efficient online versions of my scrapbooks.

Yet, once I started my creative process, saw the gorgeous photos of my sweet little boy and all the colors, stickers and markers - I ate those blasphemous words. I'll NEVER substitute my masterpieces for an online scrapbook and here's the reason why:

I love putting these books together.

These books represent much more than the pictures, scraps of paper and shells that hold them. Every loving moment I spend cropping pictures, reliving the moments I'm immortalizing - I am closer to my family. The process itself puts me in a state of gratitude that is rarely replicated with any other activity in my life. I only discovered that after NOT doing it for almost 4 years.  It really got me to thinking about how we replace things that are essential to our growth with lower value alternatives. I also love that for a fleeting moment, I thought I could replace this treasured process with a quick online substitute.

Thank goodness I cannot.

And while the process is much longer now with the urge to document it in social media, a nosy dachshund walking all over my materials and curious kids asking questions and giving input to photo selection, I would not ever change it.  My goal to get one book done this weekend looked more like 4 of 12 pages completed. I am completely overwhelmed at the thought of "catching up" and have no idea how, when I'll do it, but I know that I will complete my good old fashioned scrapbooks in due time.

No Shutterfly short cut will do.

Thank You Series: The Honorable Mentions

Coming up with the top three stories for my Thank You Series was such a great experience. Taking the time to reflect on people and situations throughout my life that have impacted me for growth and progress really was a worthwhile exercise. Because there were so many excellent examples to choose from, I'm posting the honorable mention list for your viewing pleasure:

Dick Case - World Class Hiring Manager

Huge Thanks to the late Richard W. Case, founder of USA Baseball and International Baseball Federation official, for showing me how run a world class interview process. Back in 1994, I interviewed and did not get a role with USA Baseball as PR Manager. My experience with Dick Case has still been unmatched as it related to a hiring process. He communicated with me weekly during the 11 week process, alerting me to changes and updates every time. Ultimately, he did not hire me but in the final call, he let me know what a pleasure it was to meet me, gave me real and actionable feedback (told me to get some media interactions and gave me specific ways to do so) and let me know that I could use him as a reference or let him know if there was anything he could do for me in the future. Needless to say, I did take him up on the offer and we stayed in touch until his death in 2003. Class act and without question a huge influence on me as a hiring manager!

Rose Glenn and Emma Lewis - Pinch Hitting Aunts

Big ups to my uncle's wife and my dad's sister for impacting me greatly in the early years. After my mother passed away at such a young age and left two very young daughters to my father, there were two aunts that stepped up in a big way to help. Each in her own way, my Aunt Rose and my Aunt Emma supplemented in a larger way than anyone else in the early years following my mom's death. Be it "Back-to-School" shopping in the city or summer break refuge at Camp Auntie - both my dear aunts were lifesavers in their own way. Both are passed on now - one my senior year in high school and the other just this past month.

Susan Reiter - Daughterless Mom - great friend and encourager

On the same note of "mom figures," I'd be remiss not to shout-out to Susan - a co-worker turned great friend who was actually born the same year my mom was born. We have been great for one another as she lost her daughter a few years before we met. Practical in nature, Susan has be a great ear and shoulder since 2004.

Mike Kleis - Open handed manager

Steve Davidson - Soul nurturing friend - male

Kathy DeWitt - Soul nurturing friend - female

Phil Dillard - It doesn't matter how you met friend

I had to put a stop to the list because I've been blessed with amazing people in my life over the last 41 years. My Thank You Series will be an annual event because every person I've mentioned deserves their own post.

It is good to stop and reflect on people who influence you. Take time to remember those who have contributed to your growth and progress often!

Thank You Series: Awakening True Womanly Confidence - Part One

The next three weeks, I'll be giving a shout out to three individuals who have impacted my life in tremendous ways with seemingly minor comments and/or actions toward me that changed my life from the moment they delivered them.

This week, I salute Paul Johnson, the man who in the summer of 1997 awoke my true womanly confidence by approaching me and declaring what he knew to be true about me.

Now, this is not your ordinary flirting pick-up line scenario.

Paul had observed me in action as I juggled two dates in one night while playing co-host to an awesome summer party in Atlanta.  I did not know he was observing but he was. And he noticed a few things about me that I'd not quite noticed about myself at the time.

My smile is magnetic. Lights up a room and hearts of many with little effort. I am very generous with my smile - always have been. Paul simply asked me to share my smile with him up close. He wanted to know the source of my joy and he knew it was not either of the dates I'd attended to that night, nor was it my job at the time.

We spoke for I-don't-know-how-many-minutes that night on that porch in Atlanta but what I do know is when we stopped speaking - I was changed. He finished our talk with telling me what a beautiful and confident woman I was and how any man is blessed to have time with me.

Until that point, no one had ever called me beautiful based on spending time with me. There were the hecklers who wanted to bed me down who commented on my "physical beauty" and "sexiness" but never before Paul had anyone taken time to appreciate the richness that is me. My full personality.

Of course, I ended up dating him for a short time before we both left Atlanta that fall - he for LA and I for Chicago. But nothing compares to that initial meeting on the porch where he awakened a solid confidence in me that has never slept again. That led directly to my next thank you which goes out to a billionaire who gave me a different kind of gift that propelled me in my career.

Tune in next week for Part Two!

In the meantime - who do you need to thank? Reflect on people/situations that have changed the course of your life. Write about them. Leave me a comment. Open up and recognize goodness in your past.