Why I Chose "Love" This Mother's Day

Gift to Women at Willowcreek Church for Mom's Day

In celebration of women on Mother's Day 2015 at Willowcreek Community Church, all women were gifted with a pendant on a chain that had one of the following words: Hope, Grace, Love and Courage.

Sitting with my daughter in service, we almost immediately agreed that I should choose "Hope." After all, I have been the steady rock in our family over the last 9 months during an incredibly difficult storm that is only starting to subside.

Then, I drifted off again during service, thinking I might choose "Grace." I certainly understand and walk in a huge amount of grace with God and those who live with me. Plus my understanding of God's amazing grace has allowed me to extend grace abundantly in my life over the last 8 years or so.

I never thought about choosing "Courage" as it is emblazoned across my forehead and most folks who know and interact with me would call me brave, courageous, bold and all the negative nomenclature that remotely relates to courage.  I have a bracelet that says "Fierce" and I barely wear it anymore as people really don't need the visual cue - it's pretty apparent almost instantly.

That left "Love" as my only choice. My first inclination was to resist. Love is cheesy. I love, I reasoned sarcastically internally. But really the more I thought about it, my tough character is in a season where it desperately needs love.

To love and feel loved.

It is very easy and intuitive for me to "get stuff done." I can shut out feeling anything for days on end especially when there are clear needs and things that need to be done. Courage is second nature and almost as deeply engrained in my DNA as Hope. Hope is my fuel. And as I referenced last week, even a sliver of hope can be instrumental in pushing me forward sometimes to my own detriment. On a brain and heart level, I get Grace especially the  undeserved, abundantly flowing and unrequited kind. Grace was not easy but it was innate in my personality especially since I got married and became a mom. But love eludes me.

Just writing that sentence brought burning tears and a frozen tense state of being. I love. I love my husband, my kids, my BFF and hosts of other people but I struggle to feel love and be loved from others  - all those people included.

Let me be clear, it's not about stuff or cards or gifts or even time together. For me, love is about actions, behaviors and attitudes that display what someone means to you, consistently. Key word being consistent. It's why I struggle with holidays. Why do most people need external prompts to show our appreciation? Love is year round, day in and day out. And even if I struggle to express love to those around me, I don't believe I struggle in demonstrating it. I mostly struggle to see the love of others toward me and I know it's my own lens of love blocking it. Love is a very negative trigger for me and it feels un-American and certainly unmotherly to feel this way. All moms love "love," right?

So when the Teaching Pastor closed the service reminding us to choose  our pendant wisely and remember that part of the idea behind the gift was to select something that speaks to you now, precisely in the season you're in but that you will be on the look out for it as a need in others so that you may one day "pass it on."

That's why I chose "Love". I aspire to generously and courageously love and receive love in my life from the people I do my life with.  It's scary to think that I have courage, hope and grace so firmly figured out without love.  In fact, it makes me know that when I get a better grasp on love, all those other things will manifest in an even greater form in my being.

I am excited to turn some energy to "love" and see what I can do to soften the trigger reactions to it.

Love God, Love Others - That's Church Diversity!

New Book By My Twitter Friend @ScottWilliams

Love God.

Love Others.

For me, that is the simple premise upon which I base my life as Christ follower.

However, it has not slipped by me, even as a devoted attender of Willowcreek Community Church that we have lots of work to do on Sunday morning. Yes, the late Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King spoke of this over 40 years ago and sadly, we are still dealing with this today.

How excited am I that I am personally connected to the next great look at this topic! Someone whom I admire and respect and have been interacting with for over a year on Twitter, @ScottWilliams has just released his book, Church Diversity: Sunday The Most Segregated Day of the Week.

Church Diversity does not mince words and quite frankly, that is my favorite characteristic of this book. My favorite chapter is Chapter 3 - Everything Starts With Leadership - Leading Beyond the Dream. Really, that's what it all boils down to and not necessarily leadership of "the church".

For me, this issue runs deeper than any organization. We all must be committed to leading diversity in everyday lives - that then will lead to church diversity. As Scott writes in other chapters such as the very "cold water in your face" chapter - Corporate America Cares More Than The Church - this issue is really bigger than "is my church welcoming to people who look different?" And that IS an important question but is it the most important question?

Scott and his book touch on how this change can not be on the surface or by sticking a few well placed "diverse" face on your staff.

There needs to be a fundamental change in the way we see ourselves and those we do life with. We must be willing to face the realities that got us in this mess in the first place. We must be willing to have tough conversations -  in love. We must look inside ourselves individually to see what we personally can do to attack this issue. Look for the opportunities that are served up to us and step up to them.

After reading Church Diversity - I, for one, am more alert and ready.

You can learn more about Church Diversity here.

Be Fearless

Love how this image captures my view of FEARLESS

This year, the theme of the Willowcreek Community Church Christmas Production - was "Do Not Be Afraid."

The phrase, which is ordered repeatedly throughout the Bible, struck me right in the heart.

Mostly because  it was right on time. No phrase could better send out 2010 for me than “do not be afraid."

Or better stated, BE FEARLESS

Dictionary says fearless is unafraid: oblivious of dangers or perils or calmly resolute in facing them.

The final definition, “calmly resolute in facing them (dangers or perils)” is my favorite.

Holidays have been a work in progress for me all my life. First, shortly before my fifth birthday and the start of the 1976 holiday season–I lost my mom, Betty Jean Jackson. I can't say that that was the defining event in my holiday malaise but it definitely set the tone for my childhood.  Funny,  one of the only photos I have of me and my mom is in front of a Christmas tree.  Second,  birthdays really were made big by my dad in the years he was a single guy. I remember birthdays and gifts from birthdays much more than any holiday. So I spent my 20s trying to make myself happy during the holidays.

All that changed in 2000.  Holiday season 2000 was my first with  sael Barreto who end up being the love of my life.  Holidays seem to bring out the best in him. He was so totally at ease as we spent our first holiday together in Spain far away from all his friends or family.  He was “fearless” as we navigated this new territory as a unit. Then came the Barreto kids, first Emma and then later Evan, and we've been weaving holiday traditions ever since. I can almost say it's my favorite time of year. But it was practically 20 years in the making. I had to convert my "fear" of the holidays and all the emotions they awakened each year to energy to build a new holiday mold.

This year, it's not the "normal holiday perils" that had me with a tinge of fear before seeing the program. It's the upcoming year with the next phase of my adventure as an entrepreneur.

Will my arm recover 100% from the nerve issue that (although repaired surgically in December) kept me one armed for half 2010?

Can I  build my human capital and marketing services company to a size to replace my income by Q3 in 2011?

When will I sign that elusive first contract?

These among many questions have kept me from sleeping soundly the last few weeks. Then I saw the program at Willow. And it was clear.

You see, when you know what you are called to do - just as Mary was, just as I am - you must walk FEARLESSLY into the future trusting that the path you need will rise to meet your feet. You must trust the One who gives you your mission to equip you with what you need to fulfill it. Now, while those questions remain - the tinge of fear that was creeping in is no longer there.

What are you "fearing" as we close this year?

The holiday gatherings?

A troubled marriage?

Financial strain?

A dream crushed?

Take heart and "do not be afraid." For I overcame one big "fear" and am equipped to face the new one.

So can you.

Greetings from an Authentic Christmas Lover

This picture is great imagery for what is in my heart today.

Peace.

Tranquility.

Gratefulness.

Abundance.

Warmth.

Reflection.

My house smells like cookies and cakes as I am only cooking desserts this year. Thanks Famous Dave's for the BBQ feast. That may just have to become a tradition. We did it once way back when Emma was a baby and judging from every one's reaction - it appears that we need to order in BBQ as part of the Barreto family Christmas celebrations to come.

We attended a Christmas service at Willowcreek Community Church earlier this week that touched our hearts in a special way. I met one of my favorite leaders

Tonight, we'll anxiously await "the man with the bag" to bestow Emma and Evan with some of their wishes.

This time of year means different things to different people. I am always amused by the various "debates" about Christmas among my Christian brethren. For me there is nothing more "Christian" than just respecting others and being kind whenever given an opportunity. This season we are given ample opportunities, perhaps many more than in other time of the year.

I'd debated about blogging about two topics before today but Mandisa (of American Idol fame and current Christian contemporary artist) and one of her commentators, Susan H. Lawrence covered them adequately so go take a look:

Mandisa's Christmas vs Xmas

Susan's Too Much Nativity

Enjoy these two well written viewpoints on the topic of Christmas and Christians. And if you happen to be one who doesn't celebrate Christmas at all, enjoy your days of rest courtesy of all us Christmas celebrants.

Encounter with an Authentic Leader

This post will go 100% against everything the person it honors stand for... individual recognition. But I have to write it because I believe it will enlighten folks who've only heard of him or interacted with him at a distance.

The person is Bill Hybels, founder and Senior Pastor of Willowcreek Community Church.

Last night, my family and I had the honor of sitting in the second row for a historic event at Willowcreek Community Church, the first Christmas service presented in Spanish in 34 years of Christmas services - Dios Con Nosotros. The picture above is not great but gives you an idea of the magnitude of the event - close to 10, 000 Spanish speaking people in the auditorium.

Fernando Arau, the Mexican born entertainer opened the event with an incredible testimony of how he experienced Immanuel (God with Us or Dios Con Nosotros) in his life.

What followed was a heartfelt mix of music, drama and message delievered to close to 10,000 Spanish speaking guests in the main auditorium of the third largest church in the United States.

I could not help but be excited when I spotted Bill, one row over from us in the front. I've been part of Willowcreek, off and on since 1990 - settling there once and for all in 2002.

I've attended 3 out of the last 4 Leadership Summits at Willow that draws church and marketplace leaders from around the world with faciliators such as Carly Fiorina, Bono, Colin Powell, Jim Collins, Patrick Lencioni and next year Jack Welch.

To say that Bill is a rock star to me is really an understatement. I have admired him from a distance for many years. His example of leadership has especially touched me since I started attending the Summits in 2006. But none of it prepared me for the chance encounter last night.

At the conclusion of the service, we moved to the front of the stage to hug Gaby Hermosillo, the wife and partner in ministry of the Casa de Luz Pastor Hector Hermosillo. As I turned around, there he was, standing pretty close and not talking to anyone

I introduced myself and told him a brief story I crafted in my head a moment before, as I spoke - he looked at me intently. Smiled warmly. It was as if it were me and him in the room (with 10,000 of our closest friends nearby).

Just as I started to tell him how awesome Willow has been in my life over the years - he got the look of "Please don't thank me" and quickly acknowledged that it was "God thing" how Willow had come together for me over the years including the start of Casa de Luz, a Spanish language service that not-so-conincidently began in the fall of 2002, just as we moved to the area looking for a church home.

Sorry Bill, but I disagree.

You, your authentic leadership and obedience to God is what has propeled Willow in the last 34 years.

Your humility that I witnessed first hand last night, up close and personal is astounding.

Your vision is unshakable.

Your compassion for others and particularly for me and my family last night is moving.

Your genuine desire to put Him at the center of everything is inspiring.

Thank you.

You didn't let me say it last night but I will say it here.

Thank you for your quest for justice.

Thank you for leading by example.

Thank you for leading me (and Willow) all these years.