The Magic In the Number 4

What other magic qualities can you think of for the number 4?

If I'm honest, I've always liked the number 4. It's easy and even. My mom died when I was four and my life change forever and is marked by all that happened my 4th year on this earth. Before I was married - 4 was one of the numbers of kids I wanted to have - 2 or 4. Four is the number of seasons we have in the calendar year if you are lucky enough to live in a place where you experience them all as we do in Chicago. 4 is the number of quarters in the fiscal business year that we build our activity around. It's the number of time zones to keep up with if you run a nationwide company in the United States. Four is the number of project types we specialize in at Relationships Matter Now. We recognize 4 directions on a map. There are so many significant milestones the number four illustrates. But last week, I got a whole new appreciation for the number as I approached my 44th birthday.

At my birthday massage, my masseuse casually mentioned that she missed her "4 year old" kids. She waxed on about why 4 is such a magical age and the more I listened, the more I agreed.

Four year olds dress the way they like and no one questions them.

Four year olds walk away in the middle of your sentence if they lose interest with no shame or obligation.

Four year olds question every "should."

Four year olds are invincible.

Four years still get amazed when they learn something new.

It got me thinking, with only a few days until I would be 44 - why can't I bring the magic of 4 to 44? Think about it, 44 should be 11 times the magic of 4!

44, a few years into the the decade where I fully accept and love the way I look.

44 was ushered in with amazing possibilities for my business that just completed it's 4th full year of operations.

44 will be the year I abolish "should" from my vocabulary completely.

44 feels invincible as it marks 20 more years I'm on the planet than my mom was when she passed.

44 will be the year I return to seeing the world in amazement. 

There is magic in the number 4 and it is multiplied at 44.

What other magic qualities does the number 4 bring to mind for you?

How Well Do You Pivot?

Are you ready for any of the paths that lie before you today?

Over the last month, Relationships Matter Now forged a new stream of work that has been very fulfilling and intriguing. Stemming from a relationship we've been cultivating all summer, we now have entered an area of work that did not exist for us when 2014 began. As exciting and terrifying as it's been, I am so impressed that we were able to take advantage of the opportunity when it presented itself to us. This whole experience got me thinking and inspired me to ask the question of my tribe -

How well do you pivot?

The dictionary definition of pivot did not quite fit exactly the context by which I am using this word but the number one synonym does: turn. How well do you or your business "turn"? In the 4 year history of Relationships Matter Now, we have evolved and grown simply due to our incredible ability to "turn." Here are three things we've done to make that possible.

Have Purpose 

Relationships Matter Now has always had a solid purpose in place - to "change the world, one relationship at a time." I can remember when folks questioned our purpose and I stood firmly in my conviction for my company. While it may be "squishy" to some or seem like a "tag line" - our purpose is real and every decision we make hinges on it paying off that purpose.  When you are crystal clear about why you exist, it is easy to create opportunity for yourself.  Now, please be sure and note that I am speaking about purpose - why you get up every day, why you open the doors of your business and the very thing that motivates you to do what you do. Purpose must be in place as a very first step to being able to pivot.

Develop Clear Repeatable Model

Before late in 2013, the way Relationships Matter Now delivered services was clear but it was not articulated. Because of this lack of articulation, there were times when we deviated from our delivery methodology and it hurt us. Once we captured, documented and branded our delivery model, we saw an immediate boost in our business. Without a clear repeatable model, you are doomed to "recreate" your work each time. This has personal implications as well. Think about the way you make decisions or operate. If you are not consistent, you will find yourself creating extra work each time you encounter a situation - perhaps the same situation you faced before. Having a clear and consistent way of executing saves you time and effort.

Be Ready

Readiness is the most important aspect of being able to pivot toward opportunity. Readiness looks different for different people and businesses. For Relationships Matter Now, we recognize readiness in our ability to apply the previous two items to a new area of work. Does the possible opportunity align with our purpose? Can we see ourselves making an impact quickly? Does our methodology work with this new area? Can we apply our expertise with this audience? After answering most or all of these questions in the affirmative, we immediately go to work building time to brainstorm around the new possibility. Then we quickly decide if it worth pursuing. Readiness also consists of being open to new ways to apply our talents and skills. We are not married to how or where we apply our work, just married to the ability to do it often.

The ability to pivot toward opportunity can be the difference between existing and thriving. Many people and businesses struggle to pivot and thus have difficulty growing and changing in the ways that could benefit them most. We hope you will that the time to discover what it takes to pivot in your life and/or business today.

Meet the New Kid On The Block of Inclusion Strategy

One side of an #inclusion postcard we'll debut this week

This week, Relationships Matter Now will debut at the Forum on Workplace Inclusion, formerly known as the Multicultural Forum on Workplace Diversity. It is the 26th annual event and even the name change indicates a new wind is blowing through the inclusion and diversity space.

A small but mighty team from Relationships Matter Now will be present in the Resource Expo as well as facilitating an interactive workshop on the topic of co-creation on Day 3. Being new to an established space always carries a degree of risk and this is especially true in the volatile space of inclusion and diversity. Regardless of where a company is in this journey, the road to building an inclusive, high performing work environment is filled with ups and downs, stops and starts and lots of uncertainty.

Relationships Matter Now is leading a new and fresh discussion about inclusion. We welcome the participants of the Forum on Workplace Inclusion to our tribe. We are a growing community of people and organizations who believe,  as the founder of Relationships Matter Now, Denise W. Barreto believes, that...

Nothing good is ever achieved without healthy vibrant relationships between humans.

As such, we strive to build the best possible human relationships in all environments where we serve. Relationships Matter Now intends to change the world, one relationship at time. We did not set out to revolutionize inclusion and diversity strategy in America, it just started happening. We want you know that we don't have all the answers. We also want you to know that our biggest asset to any partner is our ability to ignite discussion and engagement of associates on all levels. We know that the inclusion and diversity strategy for your company is already within your company, in the people who work and lead there. We are experts at drawing the strategy from those associates and building alignment and programs to support it.

We believe in co-creation and will facilitate a discussion on how to better co-create with Employee Resource Groups at the Forum this week. We have partnered with many government and non-profit agencies to build more inclusive strategic plans and have assisted with inclusion strategy and programs at several corporations including The Home Depot and W. W. Grainger. Each month, brings new and more opportunities to drive home our belief that at the heart of all inclusion and diversity strategy is transparency on leading and leadership competencies. Once an organization identifies and clearly articulates what it takes to lead within its walls and takes the time to identify the leadership competencies they seek, casting a broader net to find candidates is the final step toward building an inclusive and high performance work environment.

Relationships Matter Now is the partner to lead you on that journey, regardless of where you are today. We are excited to be the new kid on the block.  Learn more about The Forum on Workplace Inclusion here.

5 Discoveries To Propel Me Into The New Year

Each item on my list hit me just like this photo, mostly for good

As we close 2013, I am compelled to look back at that the past year and sift through everything for the all the lessons I need to take forward with me. So much has happened since Jan 1, I am truly hard pressed to pick the most important or significant happenings but I'm forcing myself to do so. Here goes - the top 5 discoveries about myself and/or my business from 2013:

1.  I am not a pet person and I am not evil because of it.

At some point over the second full year we have owned our lovable dachshund, Chica, I realized that I am not a pet person. My temperament and natural instincts do not jive with animals in a long term relationship. The bigger discovery in this, I am not evil because of it. American culture makes non-animal lovers out to be evil, sinister or unkind people. That fact was half the battle with my coming to terms with my condition as non-pet person. I wanted to be a pet person. I'd chastised myself for not warming up to it, even as we adopted and bonded with an adorable dog. Now, I love our dog and care for her deeply and I'm doing my best to cherish the time I have with her but I'm doing it in freedom of accepting my status as a non-pet person.

2.  My company is going to change the country's discussion on Inclusion and Diversity.

One year ago now, I'd imagined that my business would crack into more corporate opportunities. I did not know how or when or what those opportunities would look like but I knew we'd somehow make an impact and move into the corporate arena. I'm super grateful for a call back in the late spring from a former colleague of mine at The Home Depot that set this new influence into motion. Between my work on a contract for Accenture and The Home Depot project, Relationships Matter Now is a new and distinctive voice in Inclusion and Diversity. We are being sought for conferences and across industries for consultation on how to best move forward inclusion and diversity strategies. For us it is simple, taking RMN's brand promise of engage, collaborate and lead, we will change the way companies view and implement inclusion as a strategy to move their businesses forward in the 21st century.

3.  I am not an angry person.

This is a very recent and fresh discovery. See my post from last week for more elaboration here. I love this one because society feeds that false narrative to strong, forward thinking black women any opportunity it can. I could name many examples recent and in the past that confirm that the world would like us to buy the narrative that black women who speak their minds and push forward their causes are angry. Hell, I'd even given myself an excuse for my "anger". It worked. Until it didn't. You see, I have much evidence that I am a lot of things, passionate, powerful, emotive, assertive, outspoken but not angry. This discovery is tied with the next one for my favorites of the year.

4.   My intentionality for connections propels my life and business.

One of the most important needs I have is the need for connectedness. I believe I need to be connected much more than others due to my mom's departure early in life. As I've aged, I have perfected the art of extending the branch for connection to everyone I meet. It is fascinating to watch me in action. I could tell you story-after-story of how this impacted me this year but only one story matters... the story of meeting Ernestine Beck-Fulghum. This woman was "randomly" seated in an audience of over 100 people who came to hear me speak about strategic planning at a conference for elected officials in Illinois last Oct. As I closed the successful talk - about 80% of the attendees rushed forward, I did what I always do in this case - looked for connection points with each person who took the time to come and meet me. My connection to Ms. Beck-Fulghum was my mom's hometown of Robbins, IL. That one fact and my ability to quickly articulate it connected me with someone who knew my mom, my hero,  and I am forever grateful for that encounter. I have no idea where it will lead but it changed my whole year.

5.   Building gratefulness into my life physically.

Picking up the idea from my Twitter BFF, I started an awesome jar to record all the good and great things that happened to me, my family and my business this year.  The idea, is to record on paper every time something awesome happens and collect it in a visible place. At the end of the year, you are to open it up and acknowledge and be grateful for all the good that has happened. It is full as I look at it now and I can't wait to go through the papers tomorrow night. What I love the most about the concept is the intentional act of stopping and recording the good. Of course, we remember good things but most often we remember and carry the hurts, the slights, the disappointments. I feel them in my body as I type this. It is a full 360 degree exercise to intentionally think about and record good. I also feel the good things I put in the jar as I write about them. I want to fill my jar with double the good things in 2014.

As I move into the new year and start to lay out my objectives, I am grateful for these discoveries that have impacted my life and business greatly. What are the discoveries of 2013 that propel you into the new year?

Why Early Adopters Matter For Entrepreneurs

It's hard to believe that it was 6 years ago now that I was first looking at joining the Apple iPhone craze, a full 4 months later than the debut of the original in June 2007. I never considered myself an early adopter by definition but in reality I was when you consider how many more people joined the iPhone bandwagon since that time.

BusinessDictionary.com defines early adopter as follows:

Early adopter is the minority group (comprising about 14 percent) of population which, after innovators, is first to try new ideas, processes, goods and services. Early adopters generally rely on their on intuition and vision, choose carefully, and have above-average education levels.

Over the past few weeks, I have been blessed to speak to some of the very early adopters of my work with Relationships Matter Now, LLC. These are the people who in the very beginnings believed I was on to something with my mission to revolutionize relationships on planet Earth. Clearly, family and close friends count as early adopters but they are biased. So in my accounting of early adopters of Relationships Matter Now, I exclude those who were close to me before the time of launch. My early adopters are the tribe members that knew me but were not so personally invested and gave me the push I needed in ways they may never have even imagined. I'm gonna quickly highlight how each of them helped me when it mattered most and how my brushes with them lately seem to be of no coincidence.

Corporate C-Suite Executive

Early on, really before I started walking toward building Relationships Matter Now, I had a C-level HR executive in my network whom I connected with periodically regarding my corporate marketing career. This woman knew the ins and outs of how to maneuver in Corporate America and really was sharing with me lots of great insights on how to best manage my trajectory. When I decided that I may pursue something different, HR leader and professionals seems a likely target so I mustered up the courage to introduce some of my early ideas and concepts to this executive. Not only did she validate them as innovative and thought provoking, she assured me people would hire me - the marketing gal - for this type of work. She so quickly help me make the transition from marketing specialist to people specialist. During a recent lunch date, I was reminded of her push and validation of my early ideas as we are looking to collaborate on a project I'm pitching to big global company soon.


Non-profit Agency Leader

Stopped in the produce section of my local grocery store in front of me last Sunday was one of the early people who took meetings from me for potential work with Relationships Matter Now, a leader of a mid-sized non-profit from a neighboring community. Before I approached her to say hi, I was flashed back to the moment I first reached out to her and how she readily met with me as a fresh entrepreneur. I remember her willingness to meet with me several times and how she introduced me to who would become my business attorney. Then we spoke for what ended up being 30 full minutes right there over the granny smith apple cart. She said no less than 5 times how proud she was of me. She devoured my update stories of the clients I've secured as well as the ones on the hook that I'm pitching now. She once again, as she did so long ago, encouraged me with potential opportunities and thoughts of introductions. Funny, when we first met, I'd always hoped to have her agency as a client but in fact she has been so much more to me over the years as a early believer  and promoter of my work.


Tech Guru

Finally, I come to the tech powerhouse who was in my network as a loose connection only to convert into a close one when I asked for his support of the Pepsi Refresh Everything digital social good project.  He'd been a peripheral part of my tribe and supported me with votes over the many ups and downs of my participation in the program. When it all fell apart and I did not win the funding, this tech genius volunteered to do the work I was trying to win the money for... build my web presence. He came to the table in the early days matching his best talents to help me use mine. Today, he is one of my closest advisers and we talk and collaborate frequently. But it was his own putting his time and talent on the line to help me and mission that started it all.

You see the early adopters are what fuel the innovation for entrepreneurs. Those folks willing to "try" you out and notice, not one of my early adopters ever wrote me a check. Early adopters are critical to the success of any venture and understanding their value and what you gain from them fuels the future. It is no coincidence that I've been crossing paths again with all the people who were there initially to push me to start Relationships Matter Now. We are at a big crossroads for growth and seeing and interacting with each of those early adopters has given me the added boost I need to push through this new intersection.

Why 11.11.11 Will Go Down In My HiStory?

In the midst of the final preparations for the launch party this week for my book, From Here To There: 5 Days To Doing Your Life's Work, it occurred to me that one year ago today everything related to Relationships Matter Now and my work life changed forever.

Exactly one year ago today, I closed the "deal" that sealed my fate as an entrepreneur versus an employedpreneur. While it took a few more weeks to hammer out a contract, tend to other legal wranglings and then actually start the work, it was on a sunny Friday afternoon, 5 days before I turned 40 years old that it all became very real.

I recall making the ask for the business after presenting my plan that was worth close to $3.4M in marketing services. It was surreal when the potential immediately said yes. I remember being ready to "rebut" the push back on the price of the package presented. The team I'd assembled to do the work had made our plan A and had several a la carte options ready to present should the client balk at the price tag. When the client said yes and asked when we could start, I did not miss a beat and replied, "November 28. Provided we come to an agreement quickly"

"Draw it up!" was his comeback

And with a handshake, it happened.

I was no longer dependent on someone else to assign me work or projects.

It was completely in my hands who I worked with - to whom I chose to lend my talent.

The amount of money I earned was also in my own control.

I would begin to do the work I loved, that I was uniquely called to do, every day  - from that moment on.

In the car on the way home, I called first my husband. Elated with tears and all - I told him the deal was on. The second call I made was to my dad. And then I just drove home in silence, reflecting on all the stops and starts. Replaying all the little things I'd done to bring me to that moment and I just beamed.

If you read the book you'll know that that contract fizzled 4 months later but that did not change the enormous impact November 11, 2011 had on me.

That day will be seared in my mind and heart as the day I freed myself of all constraints to do the my life's work every day. I have not looked back. And regardless what happens in my business and life - I will always remember 11.11.11.

Want to get closer to your own 11.11.11? Take a moment and check out my book on Amazon - it just may be the push you need to get you on your journey to your 11.11.11.

Cool Things Happen When You Listen, Pt 1

Normally, when one of the "kid's songs" somehow penetrates my iPod playlists, I QUICKLY change it back to "my music." But accidentally today, I could not change it quick enough and this is what I heard....

Leave It All To Shine



This song is a mash-up of the theme songs of two the shows I least enjoy on Nickelodeon - iCarly and Victorious. But today, perhaps because of where I am with my Relationships Matter Now biz - which is full ramp up throttle - (hence my sketchiness in posting blogs lately) - this diddy spoke to me...check out the lyrics from the heart of the song...

You don’t have to be afraid to put your dream in action
You’re never gonna fade, you’ll be the main attraction
Wake up the members of my nation
It’s your time to be
Not a fantasy (not a fantasy)
Just remember me (just remember me)
When it turns out right (When it turns out right)

‘Cause there’s no chance unless you take one
And the time see
Now if you live in your imagination
Tomorrow you’ll be everybody’s fascination
You see the brighter side of every situation

In my victory (In my victory)
Just remember me
When I make it shine
Leave it all to me
Leave it all to me
When I make it shine
Just leave it all to me

 Yes - it IS up to me. The success of my business is mine to grab and make "it" shine. "It" aka my business will shine. This little section of these songs I hear way more than I'd like to admit actually inspired and fired me up today. I was visualizing progress in my business as I sang along with Miranda Cosgrove and Victoria Justice.

"You don't have to be afraid to put your dream in action.." were never truer words for me. Especially today.

Thanks ladies. And I promise to NEVER give my kids a hard time about your shows again. In fact, I just might start tuning in myself.

Small Victories




Smooth pebbles in a river


I recently came across a saying about water always "winning" against the pebbles in a river. Struck me as odd when I read it and I didn't even save it or bother to remember it in its entirety.

The last few weeks have really started to bear fruit for my Relationships Matter Now work that was started last fall. It is as exciting and exhilirating as it is exhausting. There are great days and low days. There are often lower days when I wonder if I'll EVER get to do my life's work full-time as I so desire vs. squeezing it in my every spare moment like I do now.

My relationship with my ultimate goal is stretched to it's limit in the tough moments.

Then it hit me.

The quote is about the water's determination to pass the pebble.

The water does not mind that the pebble is not moving or appears to block it's path.

The water keeps flowing.

The water is so determined to pass that it starts to erode the pebble. Shape it even.

The water keeps on task.

The water is not distracted by what it cannot control - it continues to push what it can.

That is what my small victories are.

In this continum of entrepreneurship and revolutionizing relationships - one at a time, I must remember to grasp each small victory. Bask in it. Learn from it. Use it to motivate the next 5 steps.

Small victories and your healthy relationship with them are the key to any goals you have.

Want a great marriage?

Small victories.

Losing a large amount of weight?

Small victories.

Changing careers or re-entering the job force?

Small victories.

Be alert and looking for the small victories on whatever journey you are on today!

Dear Mr. Slagle, There is SOMETHING You Can Do to Help Your Employees With All The Relationships In Their Lives

Slick Mack Truck Logo

Sunday night found our family taking in TV that we don't normally take in with the whole family being off for President's Day and us not traveling anywhere for the first time since Evan joined us in 2005.

We were quickly captured by the drama of "Undercover Boss" the CBS breakout Emmy-nominated, hit reality show where CEOs go undercover within their companies to see firsthand the inner workings away from the comfort of their corner office at corporate headquarters. I've always been interested but the time slot just doesn't work for us until now. And I am certain why I had to see this episode.

The 2/20/2011 episode, which can be seen in its entirety here, featured Mack Trucks President and CEO Denny Slagle. I really loved the set-up - they made the workers believe that they were on a "reality show" to pick a contract worker to get full-time work at Mack. Brilliant.

Even more brilliant was the fact that many of the folks he worked side-by-side with admitted on camera that they would not pick him. He was so likable as a CEO and seemed to truly want to know what he could do to make it better for his workers. I was particularly struck by his interactions with one  employee who was faced with some extenuating circumstances in his personal life specifically his relationship with his grand kids. The emotional moment climaxes with the employee stating that "management" should take the time to know people and their stories because of what some people "carry" with them every day.

"I wish we had ways to help people, like a little sign that says 'Hey, I need help today or I need someone to care for me today,' '"was the suggestion of the clearly shaken grandfather of two.

The cut away shot had CEO Denny Slagle talking about the experience with this employee on camera, "...we don't always recognize that people need help - There is probably.. something we can do to support one another and build on the family atmosphere." He seemed visibly shaken and was truly moved by the story of the relational difficulty that this employee faced.

I was moved, too. Moved to write this open letter to Denny Slagle.

Dear Mr. Slagle, 


You are right. There is something companies can do to support their employees with the types of difficulties faced by the brave and courageous grandfather who shared his story with a potential co-worker.  You can invest in relational wellness programs.


You may ask what is "relational wellness"? Simply defined, relational wellness is the proactive care of all the relationships in one's life. Relational wellness is as critical for an individual's success as physical, mental or emotional wellness. Relational wellness will be one of the next aspects of the healthcare discussion. Further, relational wellness can be a key to increased profitability because it directly impacts the relationship your company has with it's customer. People don't buy from companies. People buy from other people.


Right now, I am leading the discussion about relational wellness and getting great traction in the non-profit sector, municipal government and start-up businesses but no luck in bigger corporations where I believe we can have the biggest impact on society as a whole. 


Won't you be different and consider relational wellness programs as part of Mack Trucks benefit package? Why "wait and see" where this movement goes? Follow the lead of companies like Zappos, Google and Netflix and blaze a trail in the way you care for your associates. My company Relationships Matter Now, LLC. can help.


It will be an investment that pays in dividends - both material and intangible.


Thanks for your time, 


Denise W. Barreto
Managing Partner
Relationships Matter Now, LLC.

Here We Go Again: Social Networks Should Add to Human Interactions - Not Takeaway

Harris Interactive this week released findings that state and I quote, “ Thanks to Social Networks, Americans feel more connected to people. But a majority say that they have less face-to-face contact recently as well.”

Really? Is anyone surprised by this?

What burns me about this poll is the fact that there are no probing, deeper questions asked about the state of people's relationships. Read the full story here

Whoopdee you feel closer to people you don't see because you know what's going on in their lives. Further, you have less face-to-face contact with people because of all the time you spend online on social networks. Does this seem jacked up to anybody else but me?

I've said it before and I'll say it again–people should not let social networks replace intentional  interactions with people. Facebook, Twitter etc etc - can enhance your relationships but in no way should serve as the only contact you have with people close to you.

We all have many levels of relationship with friends/family/colleagues. Facebook can facilitate maintaining long distance relationships but should not replace all contact with those distant friends/relatives/colleagues. For me, it serves as reminder to intentionally reach out and when I get no response repeatedly - those folks should not be surprised that I end our "friendship" on Facebook. I'd rather not know anything and have no contact than  pseudo "know everything" and have no real interactions.

Twitter, on the other hand, has been a great facilitator of information for me, my business and my network. Surprisingly, I've also had some quality exchanges and made some great connections.

That stated - I love these social networks because I am social at heart. They just amplify my normal way of being. I am saddened yet encouraged to read the Harris piece because it validates Relationships Matter Now, LLC mission. People - now more than ever - need assistance building and maintaining healthy relationships.

Let's be wise in how we use social networks. Let's commit to using them to enrich our lives with others vs replace our lives with others.

3 Ways Starting a New Biz is Similar to New Love

Over the last 90 days, I've had some familiar feelings that I have not had in exactly 10 years.

You see,  it was exactly 10 years ago in August that I met my husband in a Best Buy on a Sunday afternoon -  just thinking about it gives me chills.

The uncertainty among strong gut that "this is it".

The risk.

The heart outside your body feeling.

 I have been feeling all of the above,  all day, every day since I incorporated Relationships Matter Now.  I am convinced that the same ingredients found in new love   appear in the same form when one is starting a new business venture.

This Is It

We all know the feeling of utmost confidence living amongst traces of uncertainty.  In some areas, we move forward without thinking while other areas paralyze us.  The attraction is strong  and we can completely explain why moving forward is the best option for us at this time.   Heady certainty and giddy joy pushes us through the moments of doubt. “This is it” in love and business is the most exhilarating and terrifying statement all at once.

Risk

Perhaps one of the most  frightening part of both love and entrepreneurship is the risk.  Risk of rejection and risk of failure keep many from venturing into love or business.  Yet the endeavor of both involve so much risk that only the brave truly push through and make it happen.  The key is making the risk a calculated one. We do our homework. We look at options. We compare and contrast our intended as rigorously as our business idea. We don't overanalyze yet we move forward knowing that only great risks pay great rewards.

Vulnerability 

When you choose to love or start a new business, you are opening yourself up in ways you'd never imagine.  You literally feel as though a part of you is completely outside your control and it's true. However, it is essential to be vulnerable. It is in those vulnerable places where you really find out what you're capable of and believe me, it is much more than you think. The other really cool thing about vulnerability is the fact that it forces authenticity.   It is impossible to be both vulnerable and fake at the same time.  When you are real and true to who you are and your core beliefs, you cannot fail in love or in business. Should the relationship dissolve or the business go bankrupt - the rich life lessons you learned are invaluable and become part of your story AND contributors to your future success in both areas.

So ten years later - the love for my husband is no longer  new.  It is richer, deeper, battle-scarred and most importantly, enduring.  Only time will tell what will happen with Relationships Matter Now LLC.   My experience with love tells me gives me the hope that my experience with business will be equally good.

Relationships Matter Now

Last week, I attended the Global Leadership Summit hosted by the Willowcreek Association (WCA). Almost 7 days later,  I am still processing all I learned.

Thanks to WCA and TimSchraeder.com you can find summaries at this link.

While all the talks were fantastic,  my personal favorites (with the leaders) were:

Opening Session - "Leaders move people from HERE to THERE" - Bill Hybels
"The Upside of Tension" - Andy Stanley
"What Motivates Us: Not What You Think" - Daniel Pink
The Leader to Leader Video Interview with Jack Welch

Please go check out the summaries to see why.

However, I came away with much more than inspiration, hope and fuel for my leadership (and entrepreneurial) engine. I came away CONVINCED that my path, my life's work, Relationships Matter Now will be a key ingredient to progress on our planet.

3 reasons.

1. Anything good in life start's with a conversation - Daniel Pink

The backbone of the Relationships Matter Now movement is leading the conversation on strengthening relationships. Every day, on our Facebook page, my Twitter stream and soon, on our website - we are talking with folks about how to better their relationships.

2. Every speaker, which included Super Bowl Winning Coach Tony Dungy and dynamite Australian evangelist and fighter of global human trafficking Christine Caine, mentioned relationships in their talks. Some multiple times.

Relationships are critical to anything we want to accomplish in life. Be it as light as to win a championship game or deeply moving as stop human trafficking - we must build and grow our relationships to progress on our planet.

3. The "someone" is me and the time is now.

Will you join me?

HEY YOU GUUUYYYS!

Easily one of my favorite phrases of all times from the 70s Children's Television Workshop masterpiece, Electric Company. Rita Moreno could be shouting that this month on behalf of Relationships Matter Now.

Feeling like the Doobie Bros this month as I have been TAKING IT TO THE STREETS! The goal at the beginning of the month was to get the word out as much as I could about Relationships Matter Now in order to secure funding from the Pepsi Refresh Everything Project.

"We can make our plans but the Lord determines our steps." Proverbs 16:9 NLT

There has never been more true of a statement and that is ESPECIALLY true for me and Relationships Matter Now right now.

First, we were featured on two BlogTalk Radio shows this month - follow the links below to listen:

Dr. Mommy Family Talk - Relationships Matter

Meet Denise Barreto on SmartWoman Radio

Those were planned opportunities to get the word out about my project. Both were really great conversations and afforded me audiences who had not been aware of what were are doing before now.

Relationships Matter Now started a Facebook page,  find us at www.facebook.com/relationshipsmatternow

NOW - three new collaboration opportunities have come to fruition and I will be meeting with a web developer early next week. I

Besides wanting to share with you the progress of Relationships Matter Now- the secondary purpose of this post is to follow up on a post I wrote earlier this month entitled Keep Moving Forward. Exactly 10 days ago, I wrote about the importance of keeping forward motion in life especially when it's hard. If you will take a moment to go back and read that post here and come back and re-read this one. It will all be clear.

We must push ourselves through the moments when we've had enough. Great rewards await us on the other side.

Keep Moving Forward!

The last few weeks have been a bit challenging for me.

One source of seed money for Relationships Matter Now has all but evaporated from possibility after careful planning and such a strong start to the execution of the plan of attack for this month.

Seemingly small conflicts have been magnified in my heart and have taken a particular toll on my normally cheerful self.

I am struggling to smile and keep myself from falling into a funk (the no sun in Chicagoland to start this week has not helped).

There is just NOT ENOUGH TIME in each day and I feel only a bit closer to the key milestones I had planned for this year vs. where I wanted to be.

Yet over and over since Sunday - I have been reminded not to give up.

Whether it be in really obvious bible verses like James 1:12 from this morning or Galatians 6:9 - both  say "stay the course" in so many words; or in the various blogs and articles that have somehow found their way across my computer screen - the message was clear: Don't Give Up. Keep Moving Forward.

I took a quick look back in my blog roll and noted that since I started this blog in Oct 2008 - there has been no less than 10 posts about perseverance, persistence or faithfulness. Check out two of my favorites - this one from November 2009 and this post from April 2009.

Upon re-reading my own writing - plus all the great external reminders this week - I am renewed and recharged to press on.

Today - I challenge you to join me and keep moving forward.

Whatever you are working on is worth it. 

There are people on the other side of the obstacle/conflict that need ideas and solutions that only YOU can provide.

Not to mention the personal satisfaction you will feel when you triumph!

KEEP ON MOVING FORWARD.

Pepsi Refresh Everything Project - TAKE TWO!

Later this week - precisely Saturday May 1 - I will turn up the noise again on my Pepsi Refresh Everything Project - Relationships Matter Now.

In case you haven't been with me - here's the deal: I have an idea to revolutionize relationships on our planet. Pepsi is giving away money for good ideas. I got my idea into consideration in the first month February and I did decent in voting reaching the top 30. In March - I started the month super strong and remained in funding contention (only top ten ideas are funded in my category) from March 1 - until the fateful day March 19 when I fell to 11 and finished in 15 place.

We took April to regroup and here two updates that will make this campaign different:

1. PARTNERSHIP

I have partnered with a well known organization (can't say who but believe me it's big - it is an established non-profit organization in over 300 communities servicing more than 2 million members at 1,778 sites in the US alone) to send out weekly reminders to their network to garner votes for my project.

2. MEDIA

In addition to my daily social media efforts on Twitter, Facebook and LinkedIn, I will be the guest on two different blog radio programs with a combined reach of over 25,000 followers of these two personalities. First on Wed May 12 and then again on Wed May 19 - I'll tweet/FB on those times so you can listen or point you to the podcasts afterwards. I am looking for other opportunities to get the word out in the regular media. Toying around with two news personalities here in Chicago that I have connections to.. will update on that soon.

The rest is up to you - the good old fashioned -word-of-mouth spreading of the the project and link. I am so appreciative of the past efforts and am counting on your diligence to push me to get the funding in May.

Here is the link - long way www.refresheverything.com/relationshipsmatternow or the shortened link http://pep.si/ap8Zao when you tweet.

If you are not following me on twitter - please go and do it now - find me under DeniseWBarreto - that way you can hear updates and get reminders to vote frequently.

Finally - I am open to any ideas you may have to help get votes to get the funding. Leave me a note here or reach out on one of the other channels of communication.

Thanks for believing in me and my idea.

Authentic Tipping Point #1

With less than three weeks left in the voting - my PepsiRefresh idea is hanging in the FUNDING ZONE (top ten ideas for my $5K funding category) and bringing Relationships Matter Now a step closer to reality.

Yesterday was the first "tipping point" moment in this journey to bring my life's work alive. I spent the entire day making plans, gathering resources and moving things into place to jump start Relationships Matter Now should I get the Pepsi funds in early April.

I actually lost my breath last night while recapping the day for my husband.

Tipping Point has three distinct meanings:

• Tipping point (physics), the point at which an object is displaced from a state of stable equilibrium into a new, different state
• Tipping point (sociology), the event in which a previously rare phenomenon becomes dramatically more common
• Tipping point (climatology), the point in which global climate changes irreversibly from one state to a new state

Malcolm Gladwell (one of my favorite writers) wrote about the social phenomenon of Tipping Point in his 2002 NY Times bestselling book - The Tipping Point: How Little Things Can Make a Big Difference.

Tune in...

We all know $5k is not a lot of money.

Stay tuned to see how "a little thing can make a big difference."

Authentic Refinement

See the piece of silver in the middle of the hot coals....

No doubt it will become a brilliant beautiful piece of jewelry in due time.

I can't imagine reaching in there and pulling it out before it is ready. I am certain the blacksmith in charge is close by monitoring its progress and waiting for the precise moment to pull it out to reveal it's best beauty.

I love silver. You can find me wearing a piece every single day. But I digress.

Tomorrow begins the third month of the great year 2010.

I got to be honest with you - February was brutal. The weather. The climate at my main job. My intense drive that, at times, disrupted our family rhythm.

With 1/6 of the year gone, I could not be happier. Bring on the restoration and renewal that is promised with the month of March.

However, great things were birthed from this brutal month we say goodbye to at midnight...

For one - my idea, RelationshipsMatterNow.com - a digital home for relational wellness where we will teach people to pro-actively take care of relationships in their lives, has held it's own in the Pepsi Refresh Everything Project voting. Out of a total 729 ideas - I have remained in the top ten health ideas for my $5,000 funding category throughout the voting period. As of right now - I am in fourth place for health ideas in that category and 27th overall in the $5k competition. That is incredible. I am proud and excited all at once. According to Pepsi Refresh Official Rules - the top 100 ideas that do not get funded in February roll over to March. That is great news and I am poised to keep my idea in the running for funding next month.

Two - an announcement tomorrow will solidify me as a leading marketing specialist in an area that is near and dear to my heart - the protection of Mother Earth. It is not often that you take part in something special at one company but to be able to take part in something special, at two separate companies in two different industries (manufacturing and retail) at two different eras in your career is well... remarkable.

It is very easy for us to focus on what didn't go well at any given time. Tonight, I am reflecting on the month of February that had me exercising diplomatic muscles I had no idea I had; a month that has presented obstacles that stretched my impatient pace into patience to go the extra five miles and converted my passion for "all things right" into a "hands in the air" surrender of all outcomes.

It is with great anticipation that I look to rest of the year. While February has kicked my butt several times and in several fashions - it has also honed me, shaped me and readied me for the next phase.

It is often stated that a blacksmith knows exactly how much time to hold his/her silver in the fire before it shines to its fullest. The process is known as refining. As a lover of silver - I don't question the blacksmith - I know that he/she has it covered. I just have to wait until its ready.

Just as I trust the blacksmith with silver - I trust my Maker with my life and my desires. If He decides that March will be similar to February - so be it- much was accomplished in the winter barren month of February. Like the silver in the picture above - I don't want to MESS with what is going on in my life and in my heart now as I press on toward my goals and objectives for 2010.

Authentically Good Idea - Vote Now!

Hard to believe that one year ago, I was asking the people of Lake in the Hills to vote for me to join the Village Board of Trustees. They heard, voted and I now represent them. Something tells me this time around it will be just a tad bit harder - but not impossible!

Voting opened at midnight at www.refresheverything.com for the Pepsi Refresh Everything Project where Pepsi will award grants of $5 - 250K to bring ideas to life across six areas, health, arts and culture, food and shelter, the planet, neighborhoods and education. Click here to vote for my project.

You've heard me ranting lately about my idea to start a movement to change the way we look at relationships; to enable all people to be relationally healthy. Well - the time has come for your help. My idea - RELATIONSHIPS MATTER NOW is up for vote in the health category and we need to end up in the top ten to secure the $5K grant by the end of February.

WHY SHOULD I VOTE FOR RELATIONSHIPS MATTER NOW?

Great question, it's simple. We live on this planet interdependent on others. From a brief transactional relationship at the coffee counter to our co-workers where ever we choose to lend out talent to our deep and personal relationships, we all interact and co-habit this planet with others. And from the looks of the way we deal with one another (think current political climate, divorce rates, verbal intimidation in the workplace) - it is time for a change.

Relationships Matter Now will exist (with or without the Pepsi grant) to help people take proactive care of their relationships. We will raise visibility to the need for relational wellness in every one's life. Relational wellness is taking responsibility to proactively care for all relationships in your life. It's a two-fold proposition:

1. Self-awareness - we all need a true understanding of our own relational issues and needs.

2. Relationship skills - we all need to build the skills necessary to function in healthy relationships.

Out of the gate - we want to build the web home for Relationships Matter Now and get 50,000 people to pledge to work on their relationships. Over the next week you will be directed to a new blog to support this effort and it will live at RelationshipsMatterNow.com. I've got an awesome designer working on a logo and we are getting the pledge document created as we speak.

Clearly with the help from Pepsi - we can get this going sooner rather than later. Long term, Relational Wellness will be in the health care debate - it's not just about reactionary care - proactive care is critical - from all angles - physical, mental, spiritual and now, relational. There is a personal responsibility to this as well as a corporate one. Relationships Matter Now will lead this movement and we need your help.

Join me and vote for this idea to get one of the first Pepsi Refresh Everything Grants. Voting started at midnight and goes until February 28. Winners will be announced on March 1.

Authentic Inspiration

The past week was brutal on me.

Work was... well it was work. Particularly frustrating this past week, more so than usual.

The disaster in Haiti just crippled me several times. Story after story of triumph and heartache.

An 11 year old girl who's last words to her mom were, "Mother, don't let me die." Hour after hour of the images, it's just too much.

Yet it inspired me. Inspired me to take a cold hard look at myself and my life.

Inspired me to take advantage of every opportunity to impact the world I live in. Big opportunities and little ones just the same.

Dictionary says inspiration is "the action or power of moving the intellect or emotions". Inspired is the adjective from the verb inspire which means "to exert an animating, enlivening or exalting influence on" or "to infuse" or "to spur on"

One year ago today, I walked into the village hall in Lake in the Hills to file my paperwork to join the Trustee Board race. You all know the outcome of that tale. Inspired by a lifetime of political interest and working on many victorious political campaigns for others, I mounted my own campaign, won and joined the ranks of elected officials and public servants last April.

Today, I tell you that I am going to lead a national conversation on how we change the way we look at relationships in our lives. We are going to change the way we support each other in relationships. We are going to INSPIRE people to pro-actively work on the relationships in their lives and guide them to the tools necessary.

I have been formulating plans since August. Holding productive meetings with that tight group of confidants since late November. Moving forward little by little, carefully calculating the next move.

Last week, the day after the earthquake, I applied for a grant from the Pepsi Refresh Everything Project to start RelationshipsMatterNow.com.

I am also applying to be in the Clever 1000, a network of social-media connected natural networkers and influencers who want to have a voice in engaging with and enhancing brands.

You see, inspiration is lost and/or wasted if there is no action to back it up. Of course, I'm making a donation. Today, in fact. Even thinking about joining a rebuilding project when they start. But that, for me is not enough. Because as my pastor said yesterday, "Anderson Cooper will fly to another location soon" and all eyes will turn away from Haiti.

What will be the fruits of the inspiration you've felt in these days?

Perhaps you will be inspired to hug your loved ones more tightly. Tell them you love them at every chance.

Perhaps you will think twice about how use the resources you've been blessed with.

Or maybe you'll read about the history of Haiti and learn more than the sound bites the media is feeding us.

Whatever you do - don't lose this opportunity to be authentically inspired to action of some kind. Make sure you convert the hurt and any energy you have felt by this disaster into something good.

Top 3 Lessons from 2009

Bidding farewell to this year is quite easy as change is in my blood. As I start to formulate objectives for 2010, I can't help but look back and reflect on 2009 with awe. I could write for hours (days) on all the lessons I learned this past year but I won't. I'll sum it up in three.

Lesson #1 from 2009 - Even when a storm rages, keep your focus and don't lose hope for greater spoils.

2009 started in a storm that held over from 2008. Precisely on New Year's Day 2009, I received a phone call that clearly let me know that the storm from the previous year was far from over.

By April, not only had the worst of the clouds cleared out, but a new adventure awaited with my election to the Board of Trustees for the Village of Lake in the Hills. Seven months into the job, I can honestly say, I love it.

I never lost hope that greater things awaited me on the otherside of the challenges I faced.

Lesson #2 from 2009 - Surrender is a life altering attitude and daily action.

As the year progressed, several endeavors both personally and professionally really gained momentum. With each passing month, focused energy on the goals which included rebuilding trust in my most important human relationship and finding meaningful purpose in my work life, forced me to relinquish my death grip on the "outcome" in all areas of my life. I learned what true surrender means in 2009 and what a freeing and liberating concept it is to live by.

I challenged my Maker to show up and own the most important and mundane situations in my life in 2009 because it was just too damn exhausting trying to do it all myself.

Boy, did He show me.

From the littlest details of my daily life to the big decisions and angst I wrestled with throughout 2009, my Maker orchestrated every move and gave me peace. And joy. Joy is not tied to circumstance or a feeling, but an internal force that propels you forward.

Joy comes only when you surrender your control over the outcomes in your life.

Lesson #3 from 2009- Trust yourself and give your dreams some love.

By late November, I had my epiphany. Relationships Matter Now. Now you may read that and say, "Duh, how'd you get to be a 38 year old marketer without figuring that out?" I mean that Relationships Matter Now is my calling. My life's work will be centered around this thought , "Relationships Matter Now". Today, it is not all clear what exactly it will entail but I am building on this concept day-by-day until it manifests itself fully. It is exciting and scary all at once. Be sure and tune in in the coming days, it will be part of my 2010 objectives. We will watch this new project will unfold before our collective eyes over the next year.

The reason this concept has taken hold of me is the realization that relationships of all kinds abound in our lives and most often, most people don't embrace them, care for them - cherish them. Even the fleeting work and transactional interactions with other humans matter and they matter greatly. I am convinced that as we press forward into the new century, we must recalibrate how we look at relationships, all relationships. This isn't a just a company or a campaign - it is a movement.

A movement I plan to lead.

So long 2009... thank you for all you taught me.