Friday, June 3, 2011

Seasons of Relationships

With the arrival of June this week, it appears that Spring has finally come to Chicagoland. Growing up here, you are fully accustomed to a curtailed Spring or no Spring at all with Summer bearing down on you right away.

Either way - it got me thinking about seasons. Winter. Spring. Summer. Fall.

Just as the weather moves thru its course every year - so do our relationships. Some of the activity is in our control but most of it not. Any long term relationships are certain to have their seasons as they endure. When I look at it closely - here's how I see it.

Relationship seasons all begin with a Spring. You know it - the newness, blooming, flowering time when we are patient as the relationship grows and matures. It's discovery time and every moment is cherished and longed for. Everyone experiences Spring in relationships.

Summer is touch and go for relationships. Because like the weather,  some Summers are pleasant, relaxing and slightly off strict routine while other Summers are arduous and dry. Summer seasons in relationships really are the first test if they are like the latter description.  If they are pleasant and relaxing - no issue but if it is draught and scarce -not all relationships make it out of the summer mode.

Fall is transitional in both the weather sense and relationships. Its during this time that we return back to our  pre-Summer phase and start to build routines again.  Fall is also about preparing for harvest - some of the seeds planted early in our relationship have come full circle by now. We notice the subtle changes in our relationships and either accept them or reject them. Fall seasons are a good indicator for the long term prospects for our relationships.

Winter. Regardless of where you live - you look forward to winter's passing. The same holds true with winter time in relationships. These are the tough patches. Sometimes they are intense and have outside elements influencing how we see this season. Other times they are just void of growth and very stagnant. This is the season where most relationships die.

This reflection has caused me to revise my thoughts on my own relationships. Simply put.

Winter is not welcome in my relationships. At no time is it ok NOT to grow with people I do life with. It is never ok to "hunker down and just exist until the next season" as we often do during Chicago winters.

My relationship "tough patches" will be relegated to dry and arduous summers that may visit me. I will work through them and not linger long. I will work tirelessly and intentionally to skip "winter" in all the relationships in my life.

What about you?

What season best characterizes your relationships?

Do you allow winters? Why or why not?


  1. Well ...I love your reflections ... I believe that they describe to a great extent the evolution of the relationship ....

    Winter????? It's not a matter of allowing it .. but we are sort of forced to go through it .. then the question will be .. "Do you allow it to last?" I think. So I believe that the winter is a phase .. a transition in our life ... where we are faced with a detour where we should decide to go on with this person or not if we are talking a love realtionship or a marriage with difficulty .....

    At least this is my opinion ... I would have to consider now the fact that the winter of my relationship is toooooo cold for me to take ... I need to have a break ... from the pain of feeling so cold out in this loneliness ... out in the void of feelings dying ... passion slipping through my fingers like sand .....

    How I wish there was another way to put the words.. but all I can think of is the way I feel right this minute and it is so far from the summer and spring ... and so different from autumn ...... and if it were my choice to let the winter pass and renew my seasons ... I would need another hand to make it happen ... for me alone ... I am totally unable to pass a winter of emotions locked up behind the frozen hands of time and boredom even if I try to heat it up a little ... so hard as long as it is only me trying to do so.

    Thank you for the thought .. it's been a pleasure to leave a comment.

  2. Wow Solitary Poet - I am soooooooooo bummed I missed your comment a few months back. Thanks for your lovely reflections. While it's different for everyone - I do think that understanding and embracing the seasons of our relationships - we certainly can manage them a bit better.

    Have a great holiday and thanks for stopping by....

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