How To Enjoy Unprecedented Peace In Turmoil

A mighty lighthouse - the beacon in the storm

When life unravels and keeps unraveling with no end in sight, it is critical to maintain a sense of peace. Instinctively, this makes sense but in practice, it appears elusive.

We all experience seasons of life that toss us like the boats on a turbulent sea. Some of those seasons are quick and dirty while others are long and arduous.

You never know which will be the case - a short and ugly or a long and painful but equipping yourself either way is key to coming through turbulent times with your peace of mind intact. Here are three strategies I use to keep my peace during crazy times:

Stop Measuring Time

It is very important that you look realistically at time as it relates to the trouble. It's human nature to measure things in days, months, etc. During adverse times - you must push yourself away from this tendency.  When it's short acknowledge that and allow yourself the space to feel the discomfort without exaggeration.  When troubled times are long, still keep perspective and allow space for the discomfort without wishing it away. My family is currently in a yearlong ordeal that has an another 8 month stretch before we will be "normal" again. Well, framing it has helped. One year versus 15 years of my family's existence is really short and while it be almost 2 years before it normalizes - that is still a short amount of time for discomfort. Don't believe the hype, America. With our sitcom society, we expect complexity to be wrapped in in 22 minutes, 51 tops. Sometimes things wrap up fast but most often they do not. Look realistically as how the timing is impacting you and give yourself real breaks about it.  Set small non-time sensitive goals to allow for small wins to build momentum. Stop counting the days. Start living moment to moment and find enjoyment and peace on a minute-by-minute basis. Let go of time as it relates to the trouble so you can make room for the rest of your life.

Take Breaks From Your Trouble

The easiest and simplest of all the strategies - stop thinking and talking about it. Like the time issue, this is another re-framing that goes against natural human nature. We like to discuss stuff. Some of us like to analyze and over analyze stuff again and again with different people. Stop. Resist. Get a therapist and vow to speak only to him/her and MAYBE one other close friend. Being consumed by your trouble robs you of peace. Catch yourself thinking about it and redirect your thoughts - that will stunt your conversation. Make notes and journal about it but don't do so more than once per day. Even writing and thinking about it constantly eats into the mental breaks we need from our trouble. Further, I have noticed that the more time and space I have in between dwelling on my trouble opens me up to more creative solutions for coping. Can't cope with something you never step away from. Step away. Back away slowly. Do whatever you can to take true breaks from your trouble.

Help Another in Trouble

Have you ever noticed that shitty stuff travels in groups? Rarely, are you in a turbulent moment alone. When you stop and listen to those around you, you discover that other people have adversity as well. Open yourself up to being a resource for others and it will do wonders on your own trouble. Why? First, it allows you the break we just discussed. Two, helping someone else troubleshoot their challenges opens your mind to your own trouble but from a different light. You may find better strategies as you speak to others about how they manage. Finally, it helps you feel better about yourself when you hear that others are struggling, too. Especially when they are wildly different challenges. Beware when they are similar challenges - don't fall into the comparison trap. Keep your focus on your friend or co-worker and resist the tendency to bring it back to you.

Peace does not mean that there is no trouble, it merely means that you can be yourself and move forward in spite of it. Employ a few or all of these strategies to keep your peace as you navigate hard times.  You will need it to push through to the other side.

Action Trumps Everything

"A real decision is measured by the fact that you've take a new action. If there is no new action you haven't truly decided." - Ruby Gettinger

A few weeks ago, I saw that quote somewhere when I was traveling and I took a moment to record it on a post-it note and shoved it in my purse.

Low and behold, last week, I was confronted with taking action in a situation that has long yearned for me to act. Have you ever been there?

You know you must act.

You even have an inkling to what action must take place.

You also understand the consequences your action may have on others around you.

Yet, you do nothing.

That's where I was last week, in a tumultuous time where every possible stressful situation a family can face was staring me down and the circumstance that I'd been avoiding taking action on finally could no longer be avoided.

So I moved.

And INSTANTLY, I felt relief. Not the relief I'd felt the night before at hot yoga class - the very good (very guided and ) temporary release of tension but a true and definite release of all body tension. I'm happy to report that every day since my action, I have felt better, physically and emotionally. Even as I write this post, the uncertainty of the full consequences of my action is still very real but the tension and anxiety is gone.

We owe it to ourselves to act.

Act on faith.

Act on the confidence of your own convictions.

Act for peace of mind and spirit.

Act knowing that nothing changes until you do.

Two days into my new action, I stumbled across the post-it with the aforementioned quote written on it and I smiled. Little did I know a few weeks ago, I was sending myself a message of confirmation into the future. Reading that quote again, validated that change I desired was coming my way simply because I took action. 

Action does indeed trump everything.

Rest In Peace: A Message For The Living

Over the last few months, I have been somewhat obsessed with the phrase "Rest In Peace." I've been thinking about the implications of how we use that phrase for our dearly departed. Almost every where in the world, people wish dead folks peace. Ripples and ripples of peace wishes pour in instantaneously upon hearing of someone's passing - almost always directed at the dead.

Faced with mortality and death at a very early age, I have to say this fact has always bothered me and I did not know how to communicate my discomfort until recently. My conclusion is this... living people need peace. And we need it much more than dead people.

We should wish that everyone "rest in peace", daily.

Dictionary.com defines peace this way:
      1.) a state of mutual harmony between people or groups especially in personal relations
      2.) cessation of or freedom from any strife or dissension

I love that definition. In fact, over the last few months as I've really examined when and how I wish peace on people.

When someone is faced with a trial or challenge, I send peace wishes their way.
When someone loses someone they love, I send peace wishes their way.
When all is chaotic in a situation and people are flailing about, I send peace wishes their way.

My new phrase has been "Peace, Love and Light." I send these wishes on social media and in hand written notes whenever necessary.  Just writing or saying that phrase lifts my soul and I've been told it does the same to the intended recipients. Many people only have a relationship with peace as it relates to death. I'd like to push that paradigm and shift our thinking to peace in life.

I am in a season of tremendous growth personally and professionally and a key driver of that growth is a shift in the way I think. I see evidence of my thinking changes every single day -  in the choices I'm making, in the interactions with others and in my behavior overall. Wouldn't it be amazing to be able to make a shift in the world based solely on the way we think about wishing folks peace?

So while I am not advocating that we stop using "Rest In Peace" as we do today, I am asking you to consider wishing living folks peace as well.  Find ways to send peace greetings and wishes every day. Resting in peace should be a blessing for the living.

Epitome of Hope

My whirlwind trip to DC to attend the 57th Inauguration Ceremonies for President Obama was spectacular. I cannot tell you exactly how many precious moments I experienced. I am still walking in clouds having had the opportunity to go at the last minute.

Several people have already asked me to distill it - what was my favorite moment or memory? With so many to choose from, you'd think it would be hard but it was not. Without question, hearing from the widow of civil rights activist Medgar Evers was the best moment of the entire trip.  When I was boarding my flight back - I kept remembering her words.

"As we sing the words of belief, ‘this is my country,’ let us act upon the meaning that everyone is included. May the inherent dignity and inalienable rights of every woman, man, boy and girl be honored. May all your people, especially the least of these, flourish in our blessed nation. One hundred fifty years after the Emancipation Proclamation and 50 years after the March on Washington, we celebrate the spirit of our ancestors, which has allowed us to move from a nation of unborn hopes and a history of disenfranchised [votes] to today’s expression of a more perfect union.”

Her country. My country. Your country. Our country.

This, from a woman  who in her younger years witnessed her young husband gunned down in their carport with their 3 young children nearby. I bristled, not at the cold wind that blew after hours of standing outside, no. I bristled thinking that many people NEVER come back from what she experienced. Their lives get torn apart by something or someone beyond their own control and they never recover. Never.

Yet, before me - before the world, this woman, Myrlie Evers-Williams took an extraordinarily difficult and painful situation and converted it to her own triumph. To mine. To ours.

Google her. She talks about very openly about the years she spent many years in the wake of her tragedy hopeless, bitter and vengeful. But alas she forgave. Not for Byron De la Beckwith, the white supremacist  who took her husband's life. She forgave for herself, her kids and even for me. Any other path she may have chosen would not have enabled her to have the impact she's had on our country's comeback. And the comeback is still happening. People like Myrlie are reminder of our broken and bitter past that we must face in order to truly move our country forward to the future we all say we want  - peace, justice and equality for all.

Myrlie Evers-Williams made history at the 57th Inauguration being the first woman and first layperson to deliver the inaugural invocation. I am so proud of her and humbled to have been in the same space she occupied, even for a moment. Her struggle and triumph is fuel for me and my endeavors. Her husband literally gave his life so that I can do what I am doing today,  in this great country - pursuing my dream.

Thanks Ms. Evers-Williams, I am so grateful for all you've done and continue to do. You are the epitome of hope for the United States of America

Got Excellence?

Composure

Creativity

Knowledge

Those are a few of the many things I plan to "put on" this very important week in my life.  As I prepared for this week, it occurred to me that the experience I want to have this week is not unique to this week.  Whether or not I have a meeting on Park Avenue, I want to experience fulfillment, triumph and peace.

What can I do to bring that about in my life regardless the circumstance?

Reflection and Refocus.

I can reflect on what I want to experience and refocus my energy to manifest it. My relationship with excellence is healthy and vibrant. I have found a way to bring my "A" game to my daily life and it is paying dividends. Yes I am so stoked for my big days but they are really not that different from my every day.

Your "A" game is not just reserved for big meetings or significant family events. Whatever it is that you want to experience on the most important days, can be harnessed and manifested every day.

Now I get how that sounds and you may be asking - if you use your "A" game everyday, then what do you pull out for the huge events? Your "A"game.

Excellence is not something that can be dusted off and used "as necessary." In my experience, your best game is the one you practice often. So if you need your "A" game for that big meeting next month on Park Avenue - you'd better start using it today.

Bring your "A" game to the soccer field when you take your kids for their games.

Bring your "A" game to the weekly status call.

Bring your "A" game to your morning greeting with your spouse or significant other.

Bring your "A" game to the next conversation with your parents.

Excellence must be practiced on the regular or it will not show up when you "need" it.

What is your relationship with excellence? How can you make it better?

Pursue Your Righteous Calling, No Matter What.

A rare photo of Dr. Martin Luther King with a smile.

I chose this photo on purpose.

Most photos I've seen of the great peace driven leader are solemn and pensive. I love that this rare photo genuinely displays joy in his eyes.

I believe what you see in this photo is likely the best depiction of what his life was like. No doubt, he had the weight of the world on his shoulders as well as the eyes of the world on his every move. And it is documented that he had a target on his back. But I contend that he loved it because he was living out his unique calling.

Think about it.

How many articles can you read about his family and their fear of losing him? How many photos can you find of him and Coretta where they just look spent?  Can you imagine the the private conversations between him and his family and confidants? Remember his very public response (Letter from a Birmingham Jail) to the private  pleas from his peers to "wait" as the country was not "ready" for his movement?

Martin Luther King, Jr is my first inspiration for pursuing righteous callings at all costs.

Often what we desire most in life, comes with high costs.

Isolation.

Endurance.

Risk.

Self-sacrifice.

However, it also comes with...

Satisfaction

Validation

Peace.

I am opening the door of a new reality for me very soon. A reality that has been in the making since 2008. In fact, it was 3 years ago this weekend that I took the very bold step towards it by turning in my packet for election to local office. And little by little, I've been making movements toward my life's work. Each day, each month, each year getting closer. But it all started with a bit of courage and inspiration from many... including the late great Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., who I know pursued and lived his own righteous calling at all costs.

Thanks Dr. King.