3 Ways To Heal Your Heart After This Election

A picture of my heart today

No one is more happy for this day than me.

Politically active pretty much since birth, there was a time when election season was one of my favorites times.

Not so anymore.

The illustration to your right is a reflection of what election season does to my heart nowadays.

Social media and social networks has opened the doors to insights about what people in our circles really think and feel about issues facing our nation.

These revelations have really been heavy on my heart. I took a pledge to not engage in name calling or bickering at the start of season and I don't intend to rehash it now. But I will share what I am doing to heal from Decision 2012

Practice Forgiveness

Despite the hurt feelings or shock and surprise at some of the commentary, postings, rantings- I resolve today to forgive people in my life who have engaged in negative tactics related to the election.  I will not be held captive by my hurt over these things. Forgiveness is something that has to happen. And no, I don't need those people to apologize to extend the forgiveness. Forgiveness is not about them, it's about me. It's about giving myself a new start on the issue and moving forward.                                                                                                 

Acknowledge Friends versus Connections

Ted Rubin, a friend and fellow social networker put it best this week in a post:

Facebook has done an amazing thing – they now own the word “friend”. The problem is that they have devalued the word while adding value to their brand.

To be clear — I am not saying that connecting through Facebook is a bad thing; I’m saying that few of us actually take the time to connect in the ways that a real friend would. We are missing the chance to use social media as a tool that facilitates real relationships and instead using “friends” as points in a popularity contest.

Let’s take the word “Friend” back and fill it with value again!

I could not have said it better myself. I am connected to many on Facebook but not all of them are people I'd call friends. Some are colleagues, acquaintances, neighbors etc etc. But not all those people are friends. What those who are closest to me say and post that is negative impact me, but not as harshly because I know them. I know the heart of the person behind the rhetoric and hurtful things they may post and we have established a RELATIONSHIP that can withstand the disagreement. Even if it's hurtful and disparaging, a relationship allows a safety net to preserve the connection and call each other out to keep the friendship strong through the disagreement. That has allowed me to get to a place of forgiveness quicker. Distinguishing who my true friends are and only having to reconcile their opposing views is much less exhausting than attempting to do that with all 900+ people I'm connected to on Facebook.

Live Your Desire

This final one really reflects the how I started the whole Decision 2012 season - declaring not to participate negatively. We need to be intentional in our actions. With the exception of one Rolling Stone article and my weekly The Onion satirical posts - I did not try and "fact" my connection list to death on my views. People who know me, know what/who I support. And while I have every right to post articles that support that view or candidate, I CHOSE to refrain. Why? Because I wanted to see some different behavior this cycle and what better place to start than my own Twitter stream or Facebook timeline? So many people SAY they want to "stay above the fray" or "take the high road" but could not resist the temptation to jump in and set someone else straight. Resist. Don't fall. Be the change you want to see. Behave the way you desire to behave and do it consistently.

It will be a short recovery for me this election season because I have to get my own petitions in for my spring re-election campaign for Village Lake in the Hills Board of Trustees race by December 24.

Good thing we don't buy TV in local elections.

What This Body Needs More Of....

My two kids doing something I love - SLEEP!

So one full week into my Coach-To-5K training program for the Sunset 5K to kick off the Summer Sunset Festival in Lake in the Hills, Labor Day weekend, I've had an epiphany!

Knocking on the door of 40 years old, having spent the last year with no athletic activity that I'd love to blame on the radial nerve problem in my right arm vs. my own apathy towards my body  - this training program has shed light on something I thought I had under control.

When you exercise more - what do you need more? What does YOUR BODY crave?

For some, it's more nutrition.

Their body needs to eat more and/or better. Someone I know eats almost DOUBLE what they normally eat when they are training for a race (my daughter Emma).

Their body needs more water. The more they workout, the more they need to replenish.

For me, it's SLEEP.

What? This from the woman who intends and is pretty successful at getting at LEAST 7 hours of sleep a day.

Yeah, every run this past week revealed to me the deep need to go back to my body's wiring and get that 8 or more hours of sleep a day.

Now it will be ANOTHER post to figure out how I do that with all my roles - wife, mom to two active kids, full-time marketer/part-time village official AND entrepreneur building a new company.

But I am so glad that my relationship with my body is so much closer that I can immediately sense something I might have missed in the past. As recent past as last year.

You see the issue with my radial nerve in my right arm has brought me in closer relationship with my body.   Therapy, surgery, therapy again and one year later with little improvement has tuned me in to this miracle I walk around in everyday. And IT has spoken.

So don't be surprise if you "see" or "hear" me dozing more like the two cute kids in the photo above.

Sleep is what this body needs more of...and because I love my body and value our relationship. I'm obliging.

Do you know what your body is asking of you?

Are you in tune with your "miracle"?

Authentically Good Idea - Vote Now!

Hard to believe that one year ago, I was asking the people of Lake in the Hills to vote for me to join the Village Board of Trustees. They heard, voted and I now represent them. Something tells me this time around it will be just a tad bit harder - but not impossible!

Voting opened at midnight at www.refresheverything.com for the Pepsi Refresh Everything Project where Pepsi will award grants of $5 - 250K to bring ideas to life across six areas, health, arts and culture, food and shelter, the planet, neighborhoods and education. Click here to vote for my project.

You've heard me ranting lately about my idea to start a movement to change the way we look at relationships; to enable all people to be relationally healthy. Well - the time has come for your help. My idea - RELATIONSHIPS MATTER NOW is up for vote in the health category and we need to end up in the top ten to secure the $5K grant by the end of February.

WHY SHOULD I VOTE FOR RELATIONSHIPS MATTER NOW?

Great question, it's simple. We live on this planet interdependent on others. From a brief transactional relationship at the coffee counter to our co-workers where ever we choose to lend out talent to our deep and personal relationships, we all interact and co-habit this planet with others. And from the looks of the way we deal with one another (think current political climate, divorce rates, verbal intimidation in the workplace) - it is time for a change.

Relationships Matter Now will exist (with or without the Pepsi grant) to help people take proactive care of their relationships. We will raise visibility to the need for relational wellness in every one's life. Relational wellness is taking responsibility to proactively care for all relationships in your life. It's a two-fold proposition:

1. Self-awareness - we all need a true understanding of our own relational issues and needs.

2. Relationship skills - we all need to build the skills necessary to function in healthy relationships.

Out of the gate - we want to build the web home for Relationships Matter Now and get 50,000 people to pledge to work on their relationships. Over the next week you will be directed to a new blog to support this effort and it will live at RelationshipsMatterNow.com. I've got an awesome designer working on a logo and we are getting the pledge document created as we speak.

Clearly with the help from Pepsi - we can get this going sooner rather than later. Long term, Relational Wellness will be in the health care debate - it's not just about reactionary care - proactive care is critical - from all angles - physical, mental, spiritual and now, relational. There is a personal responsibility to this as well as a corporate one. Relationships Matter Now will lead this movement and we need your help.

Join me and vote for this idea to get one of the first Pepsi Refresh Everything Grants. Voting started at midnight and goes until February 28. Winners will be announced on March 1.

Authentic Inspiration

The past week was brutal on me.

Work was... well it was work. Particularly frustrating this past week, more so than usual.

The disaster in Haiti just crippled me several times. Story after story of triumph and heartache.

An 11 year old girl who's last words to her mom were, "Mother, don't let me die." Hour after hour of the images, it's just too much.

Yet it inspired me. Inspired me to take a cold hard look at myself and my life.

Inspired me to take advantage of every opportunity to impact the world I live in. Big opportunities and little ones just the same.

Dictionary says inspiration is "the action or power of moving the intellect or emotions". Inspired is the adjective from the verb inspire which means "to exert an animating, enlivening or exalting influence on" or "to infuse" or "to spur on"

One year ago today, I walked into the village hall in Lake in the Hills to file my paperwork to join the Trustee Board race. You all know the outcome of that tale. Inspired by a lifetime of political interest and working on many victorious political campaigns for others, I mounted my own campaign, won and joined the ranks of elected officials and public servants last April.

Today, I tell you that I am going to lead a national conversation on how we change the way we look at relationships in our lives. We are going to change the way we support each other in relationships. We are going to INSPIRE people to pro-actively work on the relationships in their lives and guide them to the tools necessary.

I have been formulating plans since August. Holding productive meetings with that tight group of confidants since late November. Moving forward little by little, carefully calculating the next move.

Last week, the day after the earthquake, I applied for a grant from the Pepsi Refresh Everything Project to start RelationshipsMatterNow.com.

I am also applying to be in the Clever 1000, a network of social-media connected natural networkers and influencers who want to have a voice in engaging with and enhancing brands.

You see, inspiration is lost and/or wasted if there is no action to back it up. Of course, I'm making a donation. Today, in fact. Even thinking about joining a rebuilding project when they start. But that, for me is not enough. Because as my pastor said yesterday, "Anderson Cooper will fly to another location soon" and all eyes will turn away from Haiti.

What will be the fruits of the inspiration you've felt in these days?

Perhaps you will be inspired to hug your loved ones more tightly. Tell them you love them at every chance.

Perhaps you will think twice about how use the resources you've been blessed with.

Or maybe you'll read about the history of Haiti and learn more than the sound bites the media is feeding us.

Whatever you do - don't lose this opportunity to be authentically inspired to action of some kind. Make sure you convert the hurt and any energy you have felt by this disaster into something good.

2010 Objectives

For those who need a reminder or are just joining my journey, here's my explanation of why I have objectives vs. resolutions. Last year, I accomplished 55% or 5 of my 9 2009 objectives. I count accomplishment only on the objectives that were completed 100%.

That said... here goes the 2010 list:

1. Partake in monthly manicures for Emma and I -at a salon. It is officially a line item in the family budget so it is going to happen.

2. Book FIVE regional/national speaking engagements. This one is going to be tough. Last year, I wanted to book one and it finally happened at the very end of Q3. There are a few things I have going for me this year, one, I've enlisted help in booking gigs. I have also narrowed my scope to either partnership marketing or motivational/personal branding/give your dreams some love talks. Last year, I had no prepared presentations or any leads on events. This year, I am further down that road. I even bought 5 extra vacation days to make sure I can accommodate this and my normal vacation.

3. Participate in Quarterly marriage enrichment activities with my husband, Isael. We had a blast in 2009 but did not come close to the monthly date nights. Now this year we do have some help with babysitting, but I just don't see it happening every month so I am committing to Qtrly activities, that hopefully involved 24 consecutive hours of just us. We did do that twice in 2009 so I am confident we can lick this one.

4. Experiment with color on my groovy afro. This one is huge for me. Been saying it since I went natural in August of 2008 and have not put one drop of color in my hair. I need to muster up the courage and a great colorist (who's down with my do) in the NW burbs of Chicago. Any suggestions are welcome.

5. Self-publish a book on Relational Wellness, my life's passion. Relational Wellness is loosely defined as proactive care for all relationships in one's life. I plan to tackle this issue with a vengeance in 2010. You will most definitely see more on this topic throughout this year. When I say self-publish - I plan to use Lulu.com and want all my friends and connections to buy the book when it is finished :)

6. Teach my kids to ride their bikes. Actually, first buy them new bikes. Yeah, I know. Both Emma and Evan need bikes again. This was on the list last year and we failed miserably. This time - I will be doing this as soon as it thaws. Even if it is just a few minutes during the week, with more extensive lessons on the weekend - the Barreto kids will be riding bikes independently by July 4, 2010.

7. Book and keep a bi-annual overnight GNO with some of my girls. You know who you are and I'm coming for you. It will be a mixed group of my girls through the years but I am doing it. We will start small and local but this will be a bi-annual ritual to keep up with my friends! I want to look back when I'm 89 and write books about our great GNOs.

8. Read and review one business book a quarter. Last year, I reviewed one - Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell and am in the process of reviewing the new book by "Made to Stick" authors, Chip and Dan Heath. I need to identify three more and get them reviewed for publication on a blog or magazine website.

9. Village of Lake in the Hills Trustee objective see here for details.

There you have it, the Denise Wilmer Barreto Objectives for 2010.

I need to boogie and get started. Tune in for the quarterly updates!