Two Things Not Spending Money In September Has Taught Me

It's September 15 and I'm half way through my self-imposed spending embargo. I cannot take credit for this experiment as I saw a friend do something similar in August. I was intrigued by the challenge to only spend money on what was absolutely necessary - needs versus wants. 2014 has been a year of challenges for me personally, some self-imposed and others thrust upon me. I could not think of a better time to stop and examine how I spend money than now. This exercise in fiscal discipline has taught me two things about myself (and human nature)....

You Can Rationalize Anything

Dictionary.com defines rationalize as an attempt to explain or justify (one's own or another's behavior or attitude) with logical, plausible reasons, even if these are not true or appropriate. Declaring to my family in August that I was not spending money on anything I (or they) did not need in the whole month of September did not elicit much response. I could see the "uh-huh, whatever you're doing works for us" malaise when I told the family over dinner one August evening. It was not until we were standing at an accessories stand a flea market on a Sunday that they truly understood what I'd meant that day. 

There were $1 hair flowers in a bin calling my name. Colors I don't have now and I have tons of colors.  When I refused to buy one, my kids pointed out that hair flowers were part of my wardrobe - my brand. They insisted that I needed those flowers. For about one minute, I considered their input. It was true. I wear hair flowers in my fiery red afro every day - most often matching whatever clothing combination I sport. The flowers were an essential part of my wardrobe and brand. Yet I vowed not to spend money I did not need to spend for the entire month of September. So as great a deal as the flowers were, I passed. 

Like everything else in life, we have to make choices. We have to honor and own our choices. I promised myself I would not spend money and while it would have been easy to justify or rationalize the small purchase, I would have let myself down. There was no room for that - not for a $1 hair flower. Or anything. I made a promise to myself and I cared enough not to rationalize breaking it.

You Can Do Anything

The toughest test of my spending embargo came this past Friday when I went to Geneva for a client meeting. My favorite popcorn shop is there and every time I visit the community, I buy at least $10 worth of popcorn. I, unconsciously, pulled up the the store front on 3rd street and parked my car. Within 10 seconds of putting my car in park, I realized that I could not make that purchase. Ironically, I had not eaten that morning, so my stomach started to growl at the sight of the caramel popcorn through the window and the buttery smell wafting in the air. As quickly as I stopped the car, I started it again and left. I arrived at my meeting where there was fruit, pastries and coffee. 

The rest of the day, I kept playing that moment in front of my favorite snack shop over and over in my head. Had I really resisted my favorite snack? Yes, I had. I'd also ignored all the Puma Friends and Family emails that inundated my inbox this past weekend. I tossed the Gap Outlet coupon that expires September 30. I'd also pushed away my normal "get a jump on Christmas shopping" urges that assaulted me when I was not thinking clearly one evening.  Each day that has passed has proven to me that I can and will complete my challenge to not spend money on "wants" the entire month of September.

You may be shaking your head at the $1 hair flower or the $10 caramel corn stories. But I am here to tell you that being faithful in the small stuff absolutely impacts your ability to be faithful when it really matters. Those small often unconscious purchases are the root of larger spending. And while, I do not have a problem with spending or keeping my budget normally, I've learned in 15 short days that changing my thinking on small things can make a HUGE impact on bigger things. I have not even set foot in Banana Republic Outlet, Gap Outlet, Target or TJMaxx - places where I most often make purchases without even blinking. I am excited to see how this thinking will impact my marriage, my relationships with my kids and my business.

So, I turn to you. What in your life needs your attention? Is it spending? Is it a relationship? A habit?
 
Where are you rationalizing thoughts/behaviors in your life? How are you letting yourself down? 

What are you not believing about yourself that's holding you back?

Take a moment today and examine your own relationship with choices. It will be worth every minute. In fact, you may find yourself on some sort of "embargo" of your own. October is right around the corner.

Never Give Up

I saw this image over the weekend and it struck me. In the course of life, there are two kinds of people.

Those who toil hard for what they want but never seem to get it. And there are those who also toil hard for what they want and they stick it out for how ever long they have to to get it.

Those who give up.

Those who persevere.

This illustration is great on so many levels. In life you never know how close you are to what you want. You only see what's right in front of you. You only know the effort you've put in so far. You can be isolated in your effort to your goal and not know that there are others around you, who are also toiling for the same thing.  You can get discouraged at anytime and give up.

I am glad I saw this today.

I needed this to keep me on task. I have many things in flux at the moment and find it harder and harder to stay focused, to stay on task. This gentle, yet powerful reminder is kicking me back into gear.

I know I am closer to my goal than I was last week but I don't know how close I am.

I need remember that the picture is larger than what I see at the moment.

I know the effort I've put in and open myself to opportunities to collaborate with others on a similar path.

I will not be discourage at this time.

I will not give up.

What about you?

Which person in the illustration above will you be this day?

3 Ways To Bounce When You Fall

Do you bounce?

No, I am not referring to some hip new dance or referring to the slang term for leaving.

I am asking how you react when things don't go your way.

Do you bounce or do you splat?

Over the last 60 days, I've had the opportunity to bounce or splat many, many times. Some things in my control and many others outside my control. Yet every time I found myself bouncing back into life with more desire for success. I am wired to keep moving forward, to persevere - to bounce.

What if you don't have this in your DNA like me? What do you have to do to bounce the next time you get hit by a set back?

Try these three tactics:


Get Space

Retreat from the circumstance that is causing your pain. I'm not saying avoid it - I am saying allow yourself the space to process and understand all that is going on before you make any moves. No quick responses by email, not lashing out over the phone in the moment - just back away from the situation.  Give yourself and perhaps others the necessary space at the on set of trouble to properly deal with it. There is no set time. It could be 24 hours, it could be 48 - it all depends on the the situation. Can't get time space then get physical space - if it's at work, step outside. If it's at home - go for a quick walk or drive to get some space between you and the problem.

See Facts

Work with facts and not emotions. When things go wrong, we all get defensive and emotional and it is the worst thing to do when trying to bounce.  Remind yourself of the facts in the situation. State clearly what is fact and what is fiction. Write it down, if you must.  Your hurt feelings are not invalid, they are just unwelcome in the quest for resolution. Find a personal confidant that is not involved in the situation to vent those feelings to so you free yourself to actually deal in facts with the pertinent parties.  This is particularly important in business dealings. Our work is personal and when criticized is tough to accept, most often. Keep the discussions around the last set of facts that all parties agreed to and build restoration from there.

Create Alternatives

Most often even the greatest obstacles find resolution but in the moment of distress, how many of us seek alternatives? I always hope for the best but prepare for the worst. I find that when all is bad in one situation, thinking about and creating alternatives immediately soothes me. Putting my energy into unrelated projects and innovating in another area of my life almost always gives me new perspective on the situation that stumps me. It is also a way to soften the blow should the straineed issue not resolve. Recently, while figuring out an issue on one project - I injected new life and momentum in another project that sorely needed the boost.


While these actions won't necessarily solve the issue you face, they can certainly make it easier for you to bounce back when you fall next time.

What other suggestions would you give to someone who is looking to bounce in life?

Don't Get Lost On The Way To Your Goals

It's November already.

I feel like the year just started and I remember putting together the goals of 2011 as if it were yesterday.  Now as this year winds down and I'm bearing down on my 40th birthday, I am reminded of how close I am to my goals mainly because of the temptation to give up.

Yep you heard me.

It's that complicated relationship we have with the things we want in our lives. Most of us don't have such a tidy illustration as above when it comes to goals in our lives. We usually get lost some where in between "Stick To It" and "Reach Goal"

This is particularly true if your goal is not simple. For example - tomorrow I am running my second 5K race and I've found this whole running thing fascinating. How simple is it to say you're going to run a race and then plot out a training and go do it.

Super simple - I'm doing again exactly two months to the day since the first race I've run as an adult. I'm still not a runner but how cool is it that I can barge in on this sport simply by setting a goal and having minimal discipline and then executing? Very and I'm certain there will be many more races in my future - most likely 5Ks because I don't like running but I love the thrill of finishing a race. The cheering. The way my body creeks.

Easy.

Starting a business? Now that's complex. I've been on this journey for a few years now and finally have found some traction but have yet to land THE contract, THE partnership to free me from my "real job." The temptation is very real to give up.

The lost sleep pulling together projects in every spare moment.

The look on my kids face when I steal a call or check the email.

The exasperated looks from my husband as I pound away at this post.

It's enough to make a girl open the classifieds, look for a job and call it a day.

But not this girl. The problem with me now is I've tasted what its like to do your life's work. The thing God uniquely wired me to do. AND people have paid me GOOD MONEY to do it.

There is NO WAY I'm giving up now. And I encourage you all to do the same - dig deep. Remember that our lives come and go in seasons and the tough season before the light shines is the season you must push through. You must keep your focus on what you're working towards - not what you see today.

I am in the thick of the "Stick To It" season and not giving up until the hand tips over into "Reach Goal."