Limit Your Consumption and Instantly Feel Better

credit fine artist Samuel Carter

When most people talk about consumption or cutting back from it, often times they are talking about physical "stuff."  In the last 24 months, I have limited that type of consumption in my life and I am looking forward to pushing ahead with less "stuff" weighing me down. My theme for 2014 was "unencumbered" which loosely means not weighed down or burdened.

Just as the new year rolled in, I read something from a Fast Company list of the most productive people that struck me.  Founder and CEO of Chobani, Hamdi Ulukaya said this: "...as the business grows, you get more attention, and then you realize that the whole world is trying to get time from you. Which is amazing. But every time you give it to the world, you give less to what you're doing."

I read Hamdi's comments as this - the more you consume energy, attention or anything that sucks your time away from your purpose, the less time you give to your purpose. Instantly, I was challenged to be a better steward of what I consumed mentally.

That's right, content, news, articles, blogs, commentaries, op-eds,  - I had to figure out how to better consume information.

We live in a time where you could literally lose a day "catching up" on the headlines from around the world or just in your neighborhood.  You could get lost and go down a rabbit hole of the vast number of opinions of one single Oscar speech or comment: Read Patricia Arquette's acceptance speech and subsequent comments or Sean Penn's insensitive off-the-cuff remark on the Best Director winner's immigration status that have lit up the internet in the last 48 hours.

As a wife, mom, business owner and public servant, there is only so much time in a day. We are all afforded the same amount of time. Yet, I was feeling like I had less and less until I made a conscious decision to limit what I take in. My alarm started as 2014 was winding down and the barrage of shocking and sad news stories on injustice and racial tensions just became too much. Couple that with our own battle of injustice within our family, I just withdrew.

And I felt an immediate change in my disposition. My emotional fortitude was instantly boosted. For we are not designed to consume what we consume these days. All the news  - good or bad. All the opinions about that news. All the reactions to those opinions or news.  In order for me to do all I am called to do in this world, I've had to build a discipline around priorities. That is especially hard for the voracious reader in me but it had to be done.

I challenge you to join me in limiting your consumption of content. You will instantly see a change in your life when limit what you allow your mind and heart to consume.

#2015Unshakable - 3 Reasons I'll Be Unshakable This Year

There is nothing like consecutive days of rest to crystallize what's important and focus a person. After what felt like weeks (but was actually days) of full nights of sleep, eating my favorite foods with my favorite people and almost no work - I am ready for 2015.

As I brainstormed my theme for this new year, I was torn between two words - relentless and unshakable. The two words are somewhat similar in definition:

Relentless: showing or promising no abatement of severity, intensity, strength, or pace -  sustained; unremitting

Unshakable:  not easily panicked or upset -  utterly firm and unwavering

The one distinction for me came in the imagery I wanted to project. Couple that with the rocky way 2014 ended, I needed to focus on why 2015 will be different for me and my business. Here are the top three reasons I will be unshakable in the coming year:

Prioritize More Strictly

I will be even more selective in how I spend my time in the coming year. I thought I was really good at this but the final two quarters of 2014 taught me that I could brush up on many areas. The two areas I will focus on the most will be my media consumption and how much I give of myself to others. Media is partially my life. I love it. I create it. But late in 2014 as our country's discussion of race and social justice escalated, I found myself drowning in consuming great commentaries across all medias. No more. This includes social media. There is so much great content out there and being curious by nature makes it difficult, at times, to honor boundaries. In 2015, I will be more diligent about this and prioritize my consumption even more. Secondly, I am a people magnet and I do get lots of energy from genuine connection to others. One of my greatest gifts is my ability to connect with others, deeply.  But I also get lots of energy from alone time and I yielded lots of my solitude late in the year. Over my break, I read and absorbed some amazing wisdom from Chobani Founder and CEO, Hamdi Ulukaya. He said in a recent Fast Company article, "The more time you give to the world, the less you give to what you are doing." With a new book releasing and a full PR blitz, I am anticipating that as 2015 unfolds, the ability to prioritize what I give to others will be even more critical. 

Feel More

In my triad of change, my go-to and best strategy for managing everything is structure and my second choice is behavior or action. My "achilles" is perception or feelings. I hate to feel. It drains me so severely that I have built many mechanisms over the years to avoid feeling most often. And while, I recognized that fact late in 2013 and spent lots of time in 2014 working on it, it was not nearly enough. The final quarter of 2014 dropped like a ton of bricks from 50 stories above me.  There were so many good and bad things to feel in that final quarter of the year and because I'd pressed many months without feeling much, it crippled me. By the week of Thanksgiving 2014, I was depleted and barely limped into my vacation 4 weeks later. Never again.  I need to push myself to feel more as I go along and stop "batching" my feeling episodes. It is futile to avoid feeling. In the NY Times Bestseller, The Fault In Our Stars, one of the characters says - "That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt." That quote reverberated my soul when I heard it. It is so true and not only for pain but also for joy and goodness. We must allow ourselves to feel, even if feeling drains energy at higher rates than other activity as it does for me and many people like me. 

Replenish More Often

You know the saying - work hard, play hard. I am the incarnate version of that saying. I love my work and I love my play. Since becoming my own boss, I have struggled with transforming what replenishment means as an entrepreneur. When I worked for someone else, I had little issue with completely unplugging for the 4-5 weeks per year I had off.  I had no remorse not answering email or even reviewing until I was 100% back in the saddle. Now, I struggle to completely unplug. Partially because I am in a critical growth time in my business but mostly because my income depends entirely on the effort I exert.  For an overachieving Type-A, that is heaven. Bliss. But it is also danger and wrought with opportunities to destroy me and everyone I love.  My former definition of replenishment always required me (and my husband or entire family) hoping on a plane and getting away from home. Not even sure I can say former as I have managed to squeeze travel out of our condensed budget the last three years at almost the same rate as before. I love the challenge but need to figure out additional ways to replenish myself. I don't even know where to begin on this one as quenching my wanderlust is a key priority and what keeps me married and not returning to my single gypsy life of yesteryear. I have to honor my need to see and experience the world but I need to find ways to replenish in between voyages. 

Getting those three areas of life aligned with intentions and actions will surely make me and my business #Unshakable in 2015.

What's your theme for the new year?

Go.

With less than 90 days left in 2013, I am feeling a lot of pressure, especially in my business. Every new project I do from now until the end of the year is pure profit so booking new business is a big priority. It is also a busy time for planning for 2014, so continuing to prospect, have conversations and send proposals for 2014 is also critical to end the year well and have a solid start to the new year that is quickly coming.

I don't know about you but it is often in times like this that I feel the most paralyzed. The ability to just... go, is often stifled. And while I've most spoken about this from a business standpoint so far,  by no means is this thought limited to work or career. Personal stuff needs our attention, too. The holidays are coming quickly and we all know that can be a landmine of opportunity relationally speaking.

So this post is not only an encouragement for you but a huge reminder for me. The following barrage of questions are to be answered by you (and me) as soon as humanly possible. The fate of our year depends on it.

What in your life needs some attention today?

Who needs to be followed up with immediately?

What celebrations have you been postponing?

How can you maximize the last few months of 2013 to ensure a strong finish?

Who in your life is desperately needs to hear from you?


What project is calling your name?

What can you do to get an even BIGGER jump on 2014?

How can you ignite yourself to just... GO?

Are You All In?

Are you all in?

Yeah, you! And yes, I'm asking you point blank.

Are you all in with your own needs, wants and desires? Have you identified those needs/wants/desires? Are you making progress toward the things that are most important to you? Are you taking responsibility for your time? Your behavior? Your priorities?

Are you "all in" in your relationships? Are you being honest with those folks you choose to do life with? Are you letting yourself be known? Are you allowing yourself to love fully? Are you engaged with the people you encounter on a daily basis? Do you let your partner/spouse/kids/parents/siblings see you for who you really are?

Are you "all in" in your community? How are you helping to make your environment better? What are you doing to contribute to the well being of your neighborhood? Do you know people you live near? Are you leveraging your own talents/resources/contacts to make life better where you live?

Are you "all in" at work? Do you bring your best self to your job every day? Do you understand the goals and objectives your workplace is trying to achieve? Have you asked? Are you engaged with your co-workers?Are you using your best talents every day?

I know that was brutal. Too many questions, not many answers but that was the point. You own your life. Too many times in the last few weeks, I've spoken with people who are not happy, have no direction and are flailing toward nothingness. They are lonely although they are doing life with many people. They are unfulfilled although they appear to have it all. They ask me "how I do it?" Well this post is the answer.

I hammer myself with all the above questions, constantly. I am never satisfied with less than positive answers. If I find during my internal "interrogation" that I am down or not very content with an answer, then I go on a quest to change it. I enlist people who love me to help. I keep pressing forward until I am at peace with what is coming back to me. I leave it all on the field - every day of every month of every year. I am "all in" in this one life I have to live.

Are you?

Only You Know What Matters To You



Barreto Family at Universal Studios - Studio City, CA Spring 2013

I was recently asked "how in the world do you afford to travel so much with two kids?"

The simple answer is it is our family priority.

And the complex long winded answer is it is our family priority.

We are committed to exposing our kids to our country and many others around the globe as much as possible. It has been a priority since we got married. It was even a priority of mine personally before I ever even had my passport.

As a kid, we did most of our family travel to other family members in states across the Midwest or Eastern Seaboard. It was fun and I enjoyed it thoroughly. But as a voracious reader who'd traveled the globe through my books from a very early age, I vowed to travel.

Then I married my husband who hails from central Mexico and also had tremendous desire to travel. Early in our marriage, we were blessed with a short stint of me working in marketing at United Airlines where we had complimentary stand-by travel and we were hooked.

Over the years, we have made it a priority to see the world.

We don't wear designer clothes.
Most of our furniture was bought used and/or at garage sales.
We drive out of our way to shop for most of our groceries at a bargain local grocer.
Our kids only have two activities each, at any given time.
We buy most of our electronic gaming accessories used.

This past year, when our income has slipped back to 2009 levels we saw a few less movies in the theater.  We ate out a few less times per month. Our normal "celebrations" and family traditions toned down a bit.  We are currently exploring ways to drop cable and find more creative solutions for our small box viewing pleasure.

I could keep listing innovative solutions our family engages to stay 100% aligned on how we live in order to fulfill our collective desire to travel and "see things."

It is definitely tough especially this past year. The conversations we have had as a family caused us to rearrange priorities over and over until we got the result we wanted. Living the life we all could enjoy daily as well as occasionally.

My hope that we are laying the framework for our kids to have a great relationship with priorities. Our life examples give them clear messages; it is no one else's responsibility for you to have the life you want. We own the decisions that make our lives fulfilling or not. Our short term and long term priorities are fluid enough to adjust to conditions yet solid enough to give us goals to work toward. They work for us. And I love to share that with folks who may somehow think I'm sitting on a fortune over here that allows us to travel at our whim. It takes work, planning and refinement to live the way we live and I would not change it.

What about you?

What are your priorities for life? What action are you taking to make your priorities realities?

How To Make Time To Do What You Love

How often do you 'plan' to do things and never follow through?

How many of those things are things you LOVE to do?

This has really become a hot topic for me now that I am self-employed. Prioritizing.

It is so easy to just power through life and not make time for the things we love. We fill our days with obligations and things we 'need' to do in place of things we love to do. If you stop and take a close look at how you spend your time, would you make changes?

I've been bird dogging my time since I've been working on my own and found that I have a healthy balance of obligations and genuine desires in my every day life. It varies by day but it balances out each the week. There is never a shortage of things we are obligated to do. However, it can be a challenge to work in the things we love to do.  Here are three techniques I use to achieve this balance:

Identify

Do you even know what you love to do? I do. And I can honestly say that over the years it's morphed and changed. Identifying activities that you love takes time and trial. Don't miss an opportunity to understand your desires. Be observant to your body's cues. Last year, I would have told you that I don't like to run if you'd asked me. Then my daughter asked me to run a 5K with her and I started training. It was painful yet fulfilling. I loved the actual races I ran last year so much so that I have committed to 5 races this year with the first one being in 4 weeks. Had I not tried it, I would have never figured myself to be a runner. 



Articulate

Declaring what you love is just as important as identifying it. Once you know, you must say it. One of my favorite parts in the movie Elf  is when Buddy The Elf declares, "I'm in love, I'm in love and I don't care who knows about it!" That is the same enthusiasm we should have in stating our desires.  Journal if you're not comfortable shouting it. It doesn't matter how you articulate it, just as long as you do actually express it. It cannot become real until it gets from your head and heart to paper or to your lips.


Enlist

Get the folks you do life with in on your desires! It is really difficult to make time for something that no one knows about. My running is a priority now and everyone in my life knows it. I've also recently declared that I am writing a book. I've already asked for accountability from an old college friend and lined up an editor. Without question, I follow through on the my dream to write a book now more than any other time before simply because I've enlisted some help to keep it high on my priority list.

That's my list. What are techniques you use to work in more things you love vs. things you need to do?

3:03 AM, That's What You SHOULD Be Doing

3:03 am - the time my body woke up where ever I've been over the last 10 days

3:03 am in Spain is 10:03 pm in Chicago.

3:03 am in Chicago is 10:03 am in Spain.

Why does that even matter?

Well over the last 10 days I have been in both places and my body has woken up at 3:03 am in each of them. Wide awake, mind racing sleep interruption has taken place. But the topic on my mind has been the same. My life's work. Prioritizing my life's work. Accelerating my life's work.

Very soon, I'll elaborate on what that all means. For now the lesson is this:

What is it that WAKES you up at night?

What is it that MAKES your heart race every time you think about it?

What is it that can hardly be contained any longer WITHIN?

It's a New Year and time to go for IT. Whatever IT is.

The time has come for my IT and IT is no longer a want or a desire, it is a full on MUST HAVE NOW. 2012 is the year IT is on, full month

I am encouraging you to give in to whatever IT is that is pulling at your heart, your talents, your soul. You will not be sorry.

Your 3:03 am wake up call is what you SHOULD be doing. Now.