How Will You Finish 2014?

With exactly 3 months left in 2014, I am already focused on how I will finish this year,  both personally and professionally.

It does not matter that I started this year on a Whole30 diet to clear my mind and break up my unconscious habits.

It doesn't matter that my business is growing at a 300% clip going into a quarter when I grew 900% last year.

It doesn't matter that I cannot go one week without yoga, my newfound relaxation and exercise panacea for all the ill my life.

Nor does it matter that I am 0-8 on every federal contracting opportunity I've bid on.

It doesn't even matter that a personal crisis dropped in our laps on the cusp of the fall threatening to blow up every single plan that was made for this year.

The next quarter is my chance to run across the "finish line" of this year - 2014 - my year of being unencumbered  - with most or all of my goals in the rear view mirror. I've got a little over 90 days to make that happen.

Now that is not going to happen "by chance." Here are the five things I'm doing to finish 2014 well:

1.   Make contact with all the potential business partners I've been cultivating relationship with all year. If I am just reaching out for the first time, chances are they will be a warm enough prospect to impact this year or set me up for work next year. It's the time of year for budgets for 2015 and final projecting for 2014. Small end of the year projects go to those who are asking.

2.  Sit down with each family member and look at what I need to do to ensure we are in sync going into the holidays. Holidays are stressful but they are more stressful when not properly prepared for. I'll make things right with anyone I've wronged so we can have a peaceful and fun holiday season.

3.  Do a gut check with all my current clients. Set up meetings to gage their satisfaction and these will be in continuation to all the efforts I've made all year. Many of my on-going partnerships have already expressed intentions of continuing - it's on me to create more value.

4.  Self-reflect. Even though I do this often, I will have a serious inventory chat with me. Am I where I want to be? What's holding me back? What can I do to change that? Taking time, going into the final stretch of the year is critical for ensuring I actually shut down when I have my down time.

5. Plan my break. Every year since I've been an entrepreneur, I have experienced a near shutdown at the end of the calendar year. The first year it startled me and I was not prepared. By year two, I had plan and now I won't ever go into final quarter without one. We have a trip to California on the books and a surprise waiting for us all on the other side of year end.


I am looking forward to this final quarter of 2014 and the push to start 2015 well. Every move I make over the next 90 days will ensure I hit my goal of finishing well both personally and professionally. What are you doing to end 2014 the way you want to?

Be Wise With What You Do, Our Bodies and Minds Adjust To Anything

My fav toothbrush that started out as torture

About a year ago, my family migrated from motorized toothbrushes to the "Cadillac" of toothbrushes you see in the photo.  This migration was painful. I remember vividly, me demonstrating for the kids how "easy" it was to use.

Tears were flowing down my face as I brushed with it the first time and tried to keep a smile. The super powered intensity of the toothbrush was painful. It did not feel good at all and was nothing like the toothbrushes we'd just discarded.  I can remember the horrified looks on the faces of my then 11 year old daughter and then 7 year old son.  They could not believe I was still insisting they try the toothbrush that was making me cry. Literally.

But I did insist and now as I look back I am glad I did it. We have all had improved dental check-ups at our last visits and I am attributing the improvement to the new toothbrush and habits surrounding brushing it has created in all of us.  This memory got me to thinking about how my teeth adjusted, rather quickly to the toothbrush with consistent use.  Almost one month removed from my Whole30 diet, I am still reacting to foods and food choices differently than I had before the drastic change in diet. Thinking about the toothbrush and the diet lately,  made me realize how important it is that we are wise in what we do.

Our bodies and minds adjust to anything we do to them.

Marinate in that for a moment.

So....

Destructive self-talk, you mind can adjust to that.
No physical activity to an otherwise healthy body, your body can adjust to that.
Consistent non-use of your best talents, your mind can adjust to that.
Junk food with little to no nutritional value, your body can adjust to that.

This concept was one of my biggest eye opening thoughts during my Whole30 diet. I was certain, I could not live without sugar but alas I did. I was sure I needed corn, bread, lentils, you-fill-in-the-blank, yet I made it without all those things for 30 straight days. I had a few core beliefs about my life that I did not believe I could or should let go of as they had served me well, but I did let them go.

It was not easy and I still have to actively practice letting them go but my mind is adjusting to a new thought pattern, new and better core beliefs to focus on. In the same way that brushing my teeth every day with the super powered toothbrush started out as a painful and tough experience but gave way to a pleasant and thorough cleaning of my teeth. Forcing myself to think differently is tough but getting easier every single day I do it. And just like I can see the results of the adjustment to the painful brushing in my pearly whites every day, I am also seeing the transformation of my life and work by my new focus and beliefs. Plus, it gets easier - it does not hurt to brush my teeth with the super powered brush anymore. In fact, after about 2 months, we didn't even notice a difference. I am banking on that same result from my change in thinking over time. It is still very new to me - about 30 days or so.  It looks a little something like this for me...





Being laser focused on your desires, your mind can adjust to that.
Giving your body the physical activity it craves, your body can adjust to that.
Surrounding yourself with supportive people who lift you up, your mind can adjust to that.
Eating a balanced diet of food with high nutritional value, your body can adjust to that.

GUYS - we must be intentional with our minds and our bodies. If we don't specifically think about and control what we put into our minds and bodies, they just adjust to whatever we do to them. Make whatever you do worth the adjustment your body and mind will make to accommodate it.

2 Tactics To Keep The Change You Worked So Hard To Implement

Changing the way you think is THE hardest thing to do but so worth it

7 weeks into this new year and it is already kicking my butt. 2014 is proving to be a most challenging year because I set out to do something this year, I've not done so intentionally at any other time in my life - change the way I think.

You see it all over inspirational quotes every where - "change your mind, change your life"" or "change your thoughts, change your behavior." While it is perhaps the most cliche of all inspirational thoughts, it is without a doubt the most difficult change to put into action.

To start 2014, I did a drastic diet, The Whole30 - a  grain-free, dairy-free, sugar-free, legume-free program designed to change the way you eat. Sipping my black coffee today is evidence that it did indeed change my eating habits but that is not why I set out to do the program. I did the Whole 30 to examine the way I think unconsciously about everything and it worked.  Turns out denying myself all my "favorite" and comfort foods for 30 straight days was a doorway to also releasing some long held notions in my brain.

But releasing them alone was the easy part. Recognizing limiting beliefs and thoughts was easy while I was 100% focused on it due to diet and its natural constraints on my eating. What's been difficult is keeping myself from falling back into the same thought patterns now that I am "back to normal" eating wise. Here are two tactics I'm employing that you can use to implement change in the way you think:

Active Reversal

I made that term up but it is really effective. Active reversal is when I catch myself thinking in ways I was thinking in pre-Whole30, I stop and question myself out loud so I hear the words running through my head. This has been a hoot, especially when others were in the vicinity. Having to explain that I am "catching" myself in an old pattern has been a phenomenal way to break it. Additionally, transferring thoughts into active live words help me to see the absurdity of reverting back. Here is an example: One of my challenges (I'm actively trying to abandon) is building a narrative for others. When someone fails to communicate with me well, most often, I just "make up" what's going on  in their head, in my own head. I could write a whole post on why that is so crazy but let's not digress. Recently, while talking to my husband and he was somewhat unresponsive, my mind started to create the words he was not saying so I stopped and said out loud, "he did not say that or anything, let's let go of your narratives, Denise." Not only did we both get a good chuckle from the insanity of me stating this but my husband got a glimpse of why we have been having conflict and took to heart my need for more clear communication.

Positive Pile On

Just the opposite of my previous tactic, Positive Pile On is when I see myself embracing or being open to a different way of thinking, I do one or more things to keep this going. Sometimes, I commend myself - out loud. Atta girl! or Good thinking! are two of my new self-cheers. I also take a moment to record it -either in a journal or in my Awesome Jar where I record all kinds of great happenings to be read at the end of the calendar year. I also share my triumphant new way of thinking with my closest friends/family. Having those around you see you thinking and behaving differently is a very effective way to keep you moving forward. I can remember vividly over this past weekend texting a close friend about a major shift in my thinking and her reply was priceless - she texted back simply "Wow. That's powerful stuff!" Positive piles ons from others are just as important as you own as it is tangible 3rd party evidence of the change. It is very easy to be insular in our change, that is where we fall into self-deception. Having external reinforcement and accountability makes it real.

Changing your thinking and subsequently your behavior is very hard. If it was easy, everyone would be doing it.  Take heart and remember why you wanted to change your thoughts to begin with and use all the tactics necessary to keep your change alive. It is so worth it.

5 Outstanding Things That Happened On The #Whole30

My new best food friends!

Yesterday,  I ended my first diet ever, the #Whole30 challenge. I mentioned this a few weeks back as I planned to use this diet to ignite more creativity and change my life. As a non-dieter, who had no apparent food issues going in, I learned so much about all my habits, rituals and actions plus got visibility to some HUGE areas of opportunity as it relates to my eating. Check out the 5 things that happened along the way.

Disruption Accomplished

My initial reasoning for doing the #Whole30 was to disrupt my life. To shake it up and look at how I do things overall and you've heard the saying, "how you do anything is how you do everything," so examining my eating habits jumped to the top of the list as way to drive change overall. And change I drove. The very preparation and research of the #Whole30 proved to me from the start that I needed to do this. Why? Because in the earliest moments of this journey, it almost didn't happen at all. My very normal modus operandus had me researching the diet and in en route, I found a better (and shorter) option - a 21 day Sugar Detox. My B.E.S.T. coach commended my diligence but gently and firmly pointed out how I  - before I even STARTED - had used my "normal"way of thinking to adapt what she suggested to my own way. Forced to face this fact, I conceded and pushed forward with the Whole30. Too many examples of this to list but you get the idea. I was way out of my comfort zone the entire 30 days. And I am grateful.

Tangible Bonus Results

I cannot stress enough how I did not do this diet for health or weight reasons. In fact, to weigh myself at the beginning and end, I had to go to a neighbor's house as I do not even own a scale. So what'd I lose? 12.4 pounds and close to twelve inches from my top to bottom - with 5 of those lost inches in my very fleshy middle-aged woman thighs - my ONE potential spot for insecurity.  I want to say, I was very happy with the way I looked before I started this challenge but I am loving how this challenge slimmed me even though I did no extra physical activity. Can you imagine what would have happened if I did this in my running season that starts in 5 weeks?

Scrumptious New Recipes

Because I had to plan my meals so diligently with so many restrictions, I was forced to find new recipes for the duration of this challenge. And while I did not force my family to go gluten, dairy, sugar, legume and grain free with me, I did ask that they join me in the main meat course I had to make for myself. Chorizo Chicken, Dry rubbed Ribs and Ginger Chicken are just 3 of the slam dunk new additions to our rotation. GUYS - I know I am not the only one who got lazy in introducing new dishes into my family's dinner routine. Thanks to Whole30 - I've got some great new resources and ideas on how to mix up our menu and cook healthier for us as a family. Bonus.

Where You Focus Matters

Around Day 18, I had an epiphany. The recurring thought that kept me up at night needed to leave my mind for good. I have been so very focused on the aspect of my business that I have the least control over. Really. I can never control timing and volume of my project portfolio. Never. Now,  there are many things I can do to enable a flow that is timely but I don't OWN those things and focusing there is really a big miss for all this great energy I have. However, focusing and becoming crystal clear on the result I want IS in my control. And when you think about it - what a better way to spend your energy? Focusing 100% on what you want,  giving your mind and body freedom to move all its talents and energy toward what you want. I saw instant evidence of this shift of focus. Instantly.

Invincibility Of My Own Spirit

I can do anything. Now as a believer in Christ, this should be a no-brainer, right? Who doesn't know the Philippians 4:13 power verse? The question is how many of us actually live and believe that we can do anything. My guess is very few and you can now count me in that elite bunch. You see, at the start of this challenge - I did not wholly believe I could give up sugar, dairy,  AUTONOMY of choice of foods for 30 days.  Always clinging to my "everything in moderation" mindset coupled with my downright non-compliant heart and spirit, I doubted I could last 30 days. But I did. Now I believe I am capable of anything. ANYTHING. That is scary and exhilarating all at once.

So anyone out there want to move mountains in your mind, heart, body, soul and/or spirit? Get yourself a food challenge STAT.

#2014Unencumbered My Theme For The New Year

Best visual for the word unencumbered

Back in late 2011, when it was amply clear that my side gig, Relationships Matter Now, LLC was going to be my main gig, I decided I needed a theme (and hashtag) to power me through the next year. I landed on #2012Rocks.

I cannot tell you how helpful and fun it was to end certain social media posts with #2012Rocks. It was like the team huddle scream whenever I made progress or moved closer to profitability. Then for 2013, I was stumped.

Not just wanting a fun rallying cry, I had a rough time coming up with the theme that would carry me through the good and the challenging moments of year. Then on New Year's Eve 2012 in the basement of a friend's house, I was reminded that I needed to face the new year without fear and so #2013Fearless was born. That theme served me well,  even becoming part of my first TEDx talk that I entitled Care More, Fear Less in the spring.

Going into 2014, I was not as perplexed to find a theme. I knew my theme had to embody both tough and good times as the 2013 one had done. My theme also had to acknowledge the big hairy audacious mountain of goals and objectives I'd put on myself both personally and professionally for this new year.

So many great words and phrases crossed my mind the last two weeks of 2013 as I tried hone it on the theme and hashtag I count on all year long. Then it hit me.

Unencumbered.

#2014Unencumbered

It's a clunky word and surely makes for a long hashtag but I could not shake it once I started toying with it in my head. Dictionary.com defines unencumbered as:

1.  not impeded, slowed down, or retarded; free to move, advance, or go forward.

2.  having few or no burdens or obligations.

3.  not burdened or weighed down, as with bulky or heavy objects.

 

I love that definition, every word, especially under 1. "not impeded, slowed down ... free to move, advance and go forward." That's exactly what I needed going into this new year. Ironically, I'd already come up with my theme, although I had not shared it, when I met with my B.E.S.T. coach the week before the year ended. Ironic because she read from my energy that it was time for me to do something drastic with my diet and she challenged me to leave behind a limiting thought.  All this as I shared where/what I wanted for myself over the next 5 years. The diet is not about food, it disruption. It's about examining all areas of my life and looking for ways to move closer to what I want and deeply desire especially for my business but also on a personal level. 

 

It lined up perfectly. My theme #2014Unencumbered captures well what I need to reinforce in order to fulfill the objectives I've laid before myself for the new year and beyond. I will use my theme as a rally cry, a comfort,  a soul-nurturing motto, an extra push and an encouragement to all who are within ear shot. 

 

I am so excited to tackle life in 2014... unencumbered!  

Want Different? Do Different: Why I'm Using A Diet To Change My Life

People who know me know that I am not a dieter. I don’t have issues with weight or food. In fact, comparatively speaking, I have good eating habits and a great relationship with food. I am proud of my food choices and respect the food choices of others.  Those facts and a host of others made it all the more puzzling my decision to do a Whole30 diet to start 2014. In case you didn’t know, Whole30 is a gluten-free, dairy-free, sugar-free, legume-free program designed to change the way you eat for the rest of your life.

I am not interested in changing the way I eat. What I am interested in is changing my life. To date, I have had an amazing life, especially the transformation of the last 5 years. No regrets. Whatsoever.

But in preparation for the new year, it became apparent to me via my B.E.S.T. work that I cannot move my life forward on the same tools that got me to where I am today. Something very different needs to occur to move to where I want to go. In acknowledging that, my B.E.S.T. coach suggested the Whole30 diet. I only resisted for a moment.

For the raging non-compliant, type-A person that I am, being TOLD to do or not do anything is very, very tough for me. The diet itself is so restrictive plus having someone tell me to do it all but killed the experiment. Then, as quickly as I wanted/desired/intended to squash it, I embraced it. Why?

I want something different.

I want to be more effective in my current relationships and the beliefs, actions and habits I have today will not allow it to happen.

I want to take my business to the next level and again, my current beliefs, actions and habits will not get me to that place.

A complete disruption of my life by something as innocuous as blowing up the way I eat is the answer.

I am certain that this diet will illuminate to me ways to better my life, my routine and move me from here to there. “Here” is not tolerable and does not serve me any longer. “There” is only a fantasy unless I take solid action to move me to it. As I prepare to eat Whole30, I am excited for all the good that awaits me on this 30 day journey.

I want different so I am doing different.

What do you want for 2014?

What will you do differently to get it?