Yet Another Lesson From the Arm(ageddon)

12 weeks ago, my right arm just stop working. Without much fanfare or warning.

One week ago, a diagnostic MRI was performed on that same arm and revealed a growth sitting on my  radial nerve causing havoc. Arm(ageddon) is almost over and I'll be headed to surgery soon.

All the time in between was spent treating symptoms of a problem I did not have. Truth be told, I was in shock at what the hand specialist told me. His words rang in my ear for days and I woke up the other night thinking about this and how this lesson is applicable in other areas of life.

Specifically relationships.

Don't wait "11 weeks" to do the "diagnostic work" on the issues you have in your relationships. Take the time to stop and find out the source of the problem before you ever treat any symptoms.

Seems simple, but stop and think to yourself–when was the last time I actually stopped and attempted to look beyond what I see in front of me when faced with difficulty with others?  It is human nature  just jump in and start  “fixing"  the "problem". Even when the "problem" is not completely defined or understood.

While my bum arm was an extreme case that rarely happens in medicine (or so they tell me), I know from experience that this behavior is common in human relations. So I challenge you to get at the root of whatever ails your interactions with others.

Self- reflect.

Be empathetic.

Get outside help (like my hand specialist that was called in late - imagine if they hadn't called him?).

Whatever you do - don't keep treating a problem that you don't truly understand.

3 Words For You When Relationships Change

Radial tunnel tenderness is what I've been suffering from in my right (and dominant) arm. I love this graphic.

Since July 14, 2010, I've had a different relationship with my right arm. Before, my right arm and I were like peanut butter and jelly. 

Abbott and Costello. 

Tom and Jerry?

All kidding aside, we were very close. We did everything together. Now, after nine weeks of doctors appointments and therapy visits, we still don't know exactly what's going on my arm. But what we do know is that I can't type with it. I can't lift anything more than 3 pounds. I can't even enjoy a cup of coffee as I drive to work anymore. However, we still have to live with one another - just on different terms now.

Have you ever had something like that happen to you in a relationship in your life? You know the story. One day, you're doing life and there are no issues; no sign of trouble. Then suddenly everything changes. Perhaps you'd seen the changes coming but did not adjust to them. Or most likely you didn't see the changes at all, they just happened and one day it was apparent. Life in this relationship was different and there's really nothing you can do about it. I've got just three bits of advice for you when this happens.

Acknowledge

It is so easy to try and pretend that things have not changed. That is really the toughest route when relating with others. Sometimes just saying out loud that things have changed makes a difference. Acknowledgment also keeps you from living in denial too long.

Accept

Recognizing the change is always the first step but accepting the change has to follow immediately. Accepting the change puts you in a position to do things differently. Acceptance gives you the opportunity to look at the situation thru a fresh pair of eyes. 

Accelerate

This one may take you by surprise. But it shouldn't. I say accelerate, because that's exactly what I've had to do in the new era of my relationship with my right arm. I had to find new and better ways to live with the arm I have. In fact, this post is 100% brought to you by my favorite new toy, MacSpeech Dictate software. Not typing is not an option for me. I make my living through documents and communication.

Life changes, relationships change. How you deal with those changes is up to you.