Got Excellence?

Composure

Creativity

Knowledge

Those are a few of the many things I plan to "put on" this very important week in my life.  As I prepared for this week, it occurred to me that the experience I want to have this week is not unique to this week.  Whether or not I have a meeting on Park Avenue, I want to experience fulfillment, triumph and peace.

What can I do to bring that about in my life regardless the circumstance?

Reflection and Refocus.

I can reflect on what I want to experience and refocus my energy to manifest it. My relationship with excellence is healthy and vibrant. I have found a way to bring my "A" game to my daily life and it is paying dividends. Yes I am so stoked for my big days but they are really not that different from my every day.

Your "A" game is not just reserved for big meetings or significant family events. Whatever it is that you want to experience on the most important days, can be harnessed and manifested every day.

Now I get how that sounds and you may be asking - if you use your "A" game everyday, then what do you pull out for the huge events? Your "A"game.

Excellence is not something that can be dusted off and used "as necessary." In my experience, your best game is the one you practice often. So if you need your "A" game for that big meeting next month on Park Avenue - you'd better start using it today.

Bring your "A" game to the soccer field when you take your kids for their games.

Bring your "A" game to the weekly status call.

Bring your "A" game to your morning greeting with your spouse or significant other.

Bring your "A" game to the next conversation with your parents.

Excellence must be practiced on the regular or it will not show up when you "need" it.

What is your relationship with excellence? How can you make it better?

Are Your Working On Your Top 5?

More and more lately, I have been reminded of the importance of doing the best you can with this one life we are blessed to live. Having hit the milestone of 40 years old last year really accelerated my thoughts around my top 5 goals for my life. It's one thing to identify the top 5 goals  - another to actually live in the reality of them.

Where do you fall? Do you even have a "top 5"?

Sometime last year I read a blog post about this and listed the following as My Top 5 Goals For My Life:

1. Live my faith everyday
2. Have a growing vibrant relationship with my husband, Isael
3. Raise two world changing individuals (Emma and Evan)
4. Revolutionize relationships on planet Earth - one at a time (making money as I go)
5. Enjoy my life fully!

A few quick words about goals and I'll set you off to set your own...

Goals need to be measurable

All my goals have specific metrics around them. Metrics for quality and quantity. Yep, even the fluffy ones. Periodically, I review these goals and look at specific measurements to see if I am tracking or falling down.

Goals need accountability

These goals are written on the blog that I first read them on a year ago. They are seared in my mind and again here for accountability. You can do something if you don't name it, speak it - proclaim it. I've shared these goals with folks on my Personal Board of Directors so I can have their feedback and input on how I'm doing.

Goals need to be flexible

There is at least one of these goals that will not stay on the list forever. We need to be open to how our lives change and how goals we set for them may have to change as well. Now, this is not to give us an excuse to chuck a goal when it gets hard - it's more to give ourselves the freedom to evolve our goals to our circumstances when absolutely necessary.

I am in good shape on my top 5 and number 5 can be the most difficult at times. Like in April when a major project driving the majority of my company's income fell apart. Pretty tough to "enjoy" that kind of stuff. But I've learned how. I've learned how to take what life dishes and find a silver lining - the extra time I was afforded by that project's disappearance allowed me to complete my first book and accelerate a project that otherwise would have languished in my stable. And this is not just my "hindsight" view - this was my real time view. Did I mourn the loss? You bet. I mourned it by channeling the hurt, anger and confusion into churning out my book and generating more from what I had. It's all about your perspective.

So.... today I challenge you to create a Top 5 Goals for your life list and get to work on it immediately.

Love Your Loved Ones

My college neighbor & her beloved husband, Khaldun Everage - RIP Khal

Last week, I was reminded in a real way to not take folks for granted.

My friend lost her husband of 14 years suddenly less than a week before his 42nd birthday. I can still barely type or speak of it without great sorrow. Both Khal and Dina are huge heroes to their families, friends and the community they have dedicated their lives to. One of the remarkable things about Khal was his undeterred love of his family and his greater family - the children served by Chicago Public Schools.

In celebration of Khaldun Everage - today on what would have been his 42nd birthday - I want to ask everyone to stop what you are doing and reach out to someone you love.

You are not promised tomorrow and neither are they.

It's hard to hear this but Khaldun served his purpose on Earth and was called home to glory. I am thankful to have had a miniscule part in his great life. I look forward to keeping his memory alive. Look at what he posted exactly 1 month before he departed this life:

Dream. Believe. Inspire. Dream - but you gotta dream big. If you don't, what's the point. Believe - in our children. There are enough people out here who don't. Inspire - our children to reach their goals. Dreaming & Believing are fruitless without inspiration.  - Khaldun Everage, May 6, 2012

Rest in peace, Khal and thank you for your inspiration.

I Want A NEW Relationship With My Political Foes

Reclaim? What happened when you all voted him in two years ago?

 

Spent the first part of this week in Wisconsin on business/pleasure and witnessed something that just pushed me over the edge and I came home wanting a new relationship with my political foes.

The language.

The tone.

Everything about the recent Recall Election in Wisconsin is indicative of the major problem we have in our country. We are not focused on what's important - what we all want.

Here's my list...

Safety for our families in our neighborhoods and the neighborhoods of others.


Access to quality education.

Ability to pursue our own American dream - work to sustain our families and desired lifestyle.

Affordable, quality healthcare that does not go up in price at 20 and 30 % clips every year.


Security and protection for our citizens within and outside our borders as well as freedom to move about the globe without fear of threat.

I'm gonna bet that my list does not look very different than the list of people I know who think very differently than I, politically. Of course, we have very different point of views on how we achieve the above list but can't we all start with agreeing on what it is we are working towards?

I am sick and tired of being sick and tired of listening to all the "issues" that do not pony up to my above list. Look around people, the stuff on the list above is the LAST thing we are talking about in the discussion.

We need to take the conversation back. We need to keep our eyes on the ball - the list of things most Americans - Republican or Democrat - want for ourselves and our kids.

We need to stop shouting. Stop name calling. Stop race baiting and playing to the lowest common denominator - fear. We need to wrestle the conversation BACK from the extremists on both sides and get America and Americans talking about what we really want. Once we do that - we can get about the business of working together to get there.

I want a new relationship with my political foes - Is anybody with me?

Look Out For The Anakin/Darth Vader In Your Life

Star Wars turned 35 this past weekend.

Until three weeks ago, I did not care at all. Like many American kids born in the late 60s/early 70s, I saw the original Star Wars trilogy and enjoyed it back then. No interest at all. Ever again. Until my sweet Evan asked me to watch the movies one weekend.

Because I like Samuel L. Jackson, I thought - let's start with the more recent trilogy and watch them in order over two weekends and that plan culminated with this past holiday weekend coinciding with the anniversary.

I had no idea the impact this story would have on me.

I am a huge student of understanding and perspective. My perspective on the story of Anakin Skywalker/Darth Vader reminds me of the daily struggle we all face and the power loving others has on redemption.


When I saw the movies in the 70s, I was child and like many, we just took it for face value that Darth Vader was evil. Yeah, he came around and saved his son in the end but seeing the first 3 movies really gave us the depth of his true character. It also is a cautionary tale for living today. We cannot make too many assumptions.

My view is that Anakin was flawed brilliance discouraged from being who he was and that led to who he became. His overwhelming quick study of the force made Obi-Wan Kenobi suspicious of him rather than encouraging of him, even as a boy. When he wanted to bring himself fully, questions/flaws and all to the discipline of the Jedi - he was shutdown and forced to conform to the Jedi way as Jedi masters had known it for centuries. There is even a scene where he questions if the Jedi were actually doing what they'd set out to do or had they become part of the problem.All these things casts doubts among the people he trusted most, his Jedi master and his true love, Padme.

Make no mistake, he made the choice to join the evil side. Even though he did it ultimately to save his love, he did it just the same. He also suffered the consequences of that choice until the end of his life when he was able to redeem that choice in one move to save his son, Luke from the Emperor.

I love his story and he is now one of my favorite characters in movies all time.

I love his fall and rise at the end but I do think it was preventable. There are Anakins all around us everyday.

So, what are we doing to prevent Darth Vaders from rising up in our lives?


Do we accept people as they are or do we attempt to force them to blend?

Do we see questioning authority as a negative or do we encourage it?

Do we encourage people in their talents and help them grow them more or do we ask them to water them down to fit our own needs?

Do we give up on people when we see them go awry or do we hang in there, gather reinforcements and help pull them through?

These are all questions we face in all aspects of our daily lives when we interact with others. Are we building folks up or subtlety letting folks down around us?

I will be on the look out for ways to encourage the Anakins of the world. Will you join me?

Never Give Up

I saw this image over the weekend and it struck me. In the course of life, there are two kinds of people.

Those who toil hard for what they want but never seem to get it. And there are those who also toil hard for what they want and they stick it out for how ever long they have to to get it.

Those who give up.

Those who persevere.

This illustration is great on so many levels. In life you never know how close you are to what you want. You only see what's right in front of you. You only know the effort you've put in so far. You can be isolated in your effort to your goal and not know that there are others around you, who are also toiling for the same thing.  You can get discouraged at anytime and give up.

I am glad I saw this today.

I needed this to keep me on task. I have many things in flux at the moment and find it harder and harder to stay focused, to stay on task. This gentle, yet powerful reminder is kicking me back into gear.

I know I am closer to my goal than I was last week but I don't know how close I am.

I need remember that the picture is larger than what I see at the moment.

I know the effort I've put in and open myself to opportunities to collaborate with others on a similar path.

I will not be discourage at this time.

I will not give up.

What about you?

Which person in the illustration above will you be this day?

3 Reasons Gay Marriage Does Not Bother This Jesus Freak

Last week, I was traveling when the AP alert interrupted my day announcing that President Obama had come out in support of gay marriage. I have to admit that I was shocked at all the media coverage that followed on the topic. It was literally the top news story for three straight days.

After the shock wore off and I'd had a chance to really think about it - my reaction is this post - simple and pointed; 3 Reasons Gay Marriage Does Not Bother This Jesus Freak

1. I Say No to Discrimination of Any Kind

As a black, Jesus loving person - I cannot support discrimination of any kind.  I am not really sure how to elaborate on this one. It is cut and dry with me. Discrimination of any kind is wrong. When you read about the rights and protections that gays are trying to achieve through legalizing their unions, what is the reason not to grant it and move on? A culture that allows discrimination against any group operating within it means that at any time that discrimination could be thrust upon any other group. We must come to a place in our culture where we no longer tolerate any discrimination at all. Period.


2. Gay Marriage Has No Bearing On My Marriage

Whenever I hear the argument that gay marriage somehow "diminishes" or otherwise negatively affects heterosexual marriage, I get livid. What in the world kind of logic would make one come to that conclusion? Marriage is a very intimate yet public contract between me, my husband and God. As I look around me at many heterosexual marriages in distress or breaking up, it grieves me and impacts how I work to protect mine but does not really have anything to do with my marriage. Why should gays being married be any different? We are secure in our marriage and it really doesn't matter who else is married or not married- it has no bearing on my marriage.


3. Compassion Trumps Everything

This one is really a representation of my faith in action. When in doubt, I go with compassion toward others. Compassion toward their stance, their position versus fighting philosophical battles. We must stop living a zero sum game on these social issues, where someone has to lose and someone has to win. In the case of gay marriage - what do I lose if gays are granted the right to be united with their partners and have it recognized by our government? My faith does not change. My marriage does not change. I've heard church leaders say that they "love the sinner but hate the sin." That statement is not bad in and of itself - but my question is this - is not all sin equal? Are some sins more egregious than others? Are you this upset about premarital sex? What about coveting? From the reactions of the last week, it's pretty clear that in the eyes of man - not all sin is equal. Regardless, I choose compassion toward the people behind this uproar. The people who, like me, have chosen to love and honor one person for their lifetime. People who desire to make a commitment and have it recognized by society in the same way that my marriage is recognized. I believe I will be on the right side of history on this topic with this point alone.

Ultimately, this, like many other social issues, comes down to relationships and the concept of free will. I am convinced that people who are secure in their choices don't worry about the choices of others. I am radically in love with Jesus and his teachings but I would not dare impose them on others. Expose them? Absolutely but impose them, never. My relationship with myself is solid and healthy and allows me to see clearly the boundaries of my rights versus the rights of others. Finally, free will is the rule of the day. God allowed me the "free will" to follow or not follow him. Of course he could have commanded me to be a believer but alas he did not. He gave me a choice. I, like him, like to extend the choice of free will on others.

Because of this, gay marriage does not bother this Jesus Freak.