Can We Have A New Relationship With Celebrities?

Whitney Houston 1963-2012

In the wake of the passing of one of the best vocalists of all time, I've made a decision.

I want us all to have new relationship with celebrities.

It came to me in my quest to learn the details surrounding the death of Whitney Houston. As I surfed channel after channel looking for answers, I was repulsed by the tone of the coverage. Tired of countless photos and video footage of her with her ex-husband Bobby Brown at her worst. Indignant over the constant references to quite possibly the worst time of her life.

Not that I ignored all that when it was going on...  I saw it and it broke my heart then. But I never indulged and watched. I think I saw half of one episode of Bravo's Being Bobby Brown. Do you wanna know why?

I was (am) a fan of Whitney Houston and admired her talent and gifts.

Plain and simple.

Never had an appetite to watch her struggle. It never gave me any pleasure to see coverage of what everyone is now calling "bizarre behavior." I refused to buy a People magazine with a disheveled picture of Whitney on the cover. I long ago tuned out whenever negative coverage of any celebrity is pushed and pushed.

What is it about us, society, that enjoys watching another human struggle? Suffer? Especially if that human has lots of money.

We all make mistakes. We all have our vices. We all have profound flaws in our character.

I am grateful I don't have to live mine out in front of the whole world. I'm also gracious enough not to judge others for the worst thing they ever did in their life. Over and over again.

We can stop this madness. We can vote with our remotes and stop supporting programming that takes advantage of the worst of the people we claim to love. We can stop buying the magazines. The paparazzi exists because of our collective demand.

After the 1997 death of Princess Diana, I opted out of madness. And it is 100 times worse now with all the new media.

We can demand a new relationship with celebrities.

Will anyone join me?

"That's Me" and Other Things I Learned During My Relationship With Soul Train Every Saturday

Shock and profound sadness are the best two words to describe my immediate reaction to the news that entertainment legend, Don Cornelius had passed away. Perhaps there is no one who did more to introduce and promote black musicians to Americans than Mr. Cornelius. His legacy is solid and we'll be talking about his contributions for years to come.

After the sadness sunk in, the memories came rushing back. As a child of the 70's - Soul Train was a staple in our house. Before MTV (yes, MTV did play lots of Michael Jackson, Prince and other choice black acts in the early 80s)  or BET, Soul Train was a doorway into black music and culture.

"That's me!"

Sounds weird but you could hear me and my sister screaming that at the television as we watched. Throughout the hour long broadcast, beautiful black woman after beautiful black woman was flashed across the small screen in living color for all to see.  We'd "compete" to see which one of us could claim a woman "to be" for that episode. We'd follow "ourselves" the whole episode and just scream every time "we" were shown on screen.

The fashion.

The fros.

Every shade of brown, black and sometime beige skin.

The dancing.

Women who looked like me were on display. In a positive way. Every week.

I wanted to be a Soul Train dancer.

I wanted to be a Soul Train featured artist.

Watching Soul Train helped me discover my love of music and my ability to sing. Where else could I sing along to Donna Summer, Natalie Cole or Stephanie Mills? Hitting every note with Deniece Williams gave me the confidence to actually go sing her hit song "Free" in front of people and knock their socks off in the Variety Show my sophomore year of high school.

I was convinced that Don Cornelius would one day introduce me to the world. Alas, that never happened.

However, he did give me years of smiles and cultivated pride in being a black girl in America in the 1970s. I am certain my love of spontaneous dance parties with blasting dance music was inspired by the Saturday morning rush I felt throughout my childhood. And who else would start the Soul Train line at all my melanin challenged friend's parties and weddings?

Don Cornelius gave me the feeling that it was more than ok to be me but it was GOOD to me. How fitting that we start Black History Month reminiscing about Don Cornelius and Soul Train.

I am forever grateful for Soul Train and sometimes still feel tempted to shout at my TV, "That's Me! or wish folks upon my departure, Peace, Love and Soouuuuuuuuuuuulllllllllllllllll.

Meet Chica: 3 Life Lessons We Learned Getting Our New Love

It's not often that I hijack this blog for purely selfish reasons but I must do it tonight to introduce the newest member of the Barreto Family, Chica, the Dachshund.

It's funny this journey to a dog that I (and Mr. Barreto) have resisted for years ends with the sweet face you see here. We learned a few things a long the way that you can apply to all areas of life.

Preparation Is Key.

Since last fall, we committed to looking for a family pet and began the journey with a local shelter, Animal House Shelter in Huntley. We volunteered to walk and play (and pick up the poop) of animals in need of a home. We fell in love several times but never jumped on any of the many dogs we loved because we were not ready. Even on the short notice of our decision to take Chica, the 5 days before she arrived was filled with reading about Dachshunds, getting the right gear and mentally preparing for a new member of the house. Preparation made her homecoming easy.

Know What You Want.

We got Chica because of a casual conversation last December about our desire for a dog with a very specific list of attributes. Needed to be under 25 lbs due to the fact that both adults in this household have trouble with their right arm. Wanted a dog who loved to be with kids and had a chill disposition. Knowing we are travelers and keep a pretty hectic lifestyle - we wanted a pooch who could just jump right in, not disrupt the flow of this house. Do you get where I'm going? Knowing what you want is really the first part of getting it. Articulating is is even better.

Involve Others.

Did I mention that Chica came from a friend of a friend? Yeah, that casual conversation was just that -  an articulation of our desire for a pet with some folks who were visiting us. They immediately mentioned that they knew of some dogs who needed a home early in the new year due to a family friend moving... and the rest in history. To take that a step further... the crate in the basement that she most likely will never use was loaned to me because I put out an emergency plea to my friends that I needed help. When we involve others, it gets us closer to what we want. Even the most resourceful of people (me) need other people.

So, I'm going to go enjoy my new sweetie....You think about how these lessons can get you closer to what you want in your life.

Pursue Your Righteous Calling, No Matter What.

A rare photo of Dr. Martin Luther King with a smile.

I chose this photo on purpose.

Most photos I've seen of the great peace driven leader are solemn and pensive. I love that this rare photo genuinely displays joy in his eyes.

I believe what you see in this photo is likely the best depiction of what his life was like. No doubt, he had the weight of the world on his shoulders as well as the eyes of the world on his every move. And it is documented that he had a target on his back. But I contend that he loved it because he was living out his unique calling.

Think about it.

How many articles can you read about his family and their fear of losing him? How many photos can you find of him and Coretta where they just look spent?  Can you imagine the the private conversations between him and his family and confidants? Remember his very public response (Letter from a Birmingham Jail) to the private  pleas from his peers to "wait" as the country was not "ready" for his movement?

Martin Luther King, Jr is my first inspiration for pursuing righteous callings at all costs.

Often what we desire most in life, comes with high costs.

Isolation.

Endurance.

Risk.

Self-sacrifice.

However, it also comes with...

Satisfaction

Validation

Peace.

I am opening the door of a new reality for me very soon. A reality that has been in the making since 2008. In fact, it was 3 years ago this weekend that I took the very bold step towards it by turning in my packet for election to local office. And little by little, I've been making movements toward my life's work. Each day, each month, each year getting closer. But it all started with a bit of courage and inspiration from many... including the late great Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., who I know pursued and lived his own righteous calling at all costs.

Thanks Dr. King.

3:03 AM, That's What You SHOULD Be Doing

3:03 am - the time my body woke up where ever I've been over the last 10 days

3:03 am in Spain is 10:03 pm in Chicago.

3:03 am in Chicago is 10:03 am in Spain.

Why does that even matter?

Well over the last 10 days I have been in both places and my body has woken up at 3:03 am in each of them. Wide awake, mind racing sleep interruption has taken place. But the topic on my mind has been the same. My life's work. Prioritizing my life's work. Accelerating my life's work.

Very soon, I'll elaborate on what that all means. For now the lesson is this:

What is it that WAKES you up at night?

What is it that MAKES your heart race every time you think about it?

What is it that can hardly be contained any longer WITHIN?

It's a New Year and time to go for IT. Whatever IT is.

The time has come for my IT and IT is no longer a want or a desire, it is a full on MUST HAVE NOW. 2012 is the year IT is on, full month

I am encouraging you to give in to whatever IT is that is pulling at your heart, your talents, your soul. You will not be sorry.

Your 3:03 am wake up call is what you SHOULD be doing. Now.

A Birthday Wish

Betty Jean Jackson Wilmer (1951-1976) and me in 1972 or 3

Today December 12, 2011, my mom would be 60 years old.

She's been gone from this life since August 19, 1976 and it hardly feels like she was ever here.

In fact, the biggest imprint and proof of her existence dwells in me and my younger sister, Jeanine.

My hope for this post is to give some people out there, who wonder what ever happened to Betty Jean Jackson some glimpse. Think about it. We now live in an age when people "Google" folks and since today is her birthday, perhaps an old classmate or work friend decides that they want to know what happened to her. I want them to get it a hit and see this post. Snoop around and read more about me - the eldest daughter of Betty Jean Jackson (Wilmer) - Denise Wilmer Barreto.

Betty Jean met and married Albert Wilmer in 1971- I arrived late that year and they had another daughter Jeanine in April 1976 and she passed away four months later that August at age 24, four months shy of her 25th birthday. She was super happy she became a mom and was so very hopeful for the future when tragedy struck. There's not much more I know to the story but it is a beautiful one.

I gotta believe that the reason relationships matter so much to me is because of the absence of this relationship between my mom and me. With few photos and even fewer people around to tell me about her, I have repainted her in my mind and in my dreams.

It's a bit too painful nor can I actually articulate it all but I know one thing...

She'd be proud of what I've become.

She'd glow when she told people what I did for a living. She'd be telling everyone the secret I'd have asked her to keep until the new year.

She'd love my family and be proud of my attempts at motherhood without her.

Happy Birthday Mommy! I know you are smiling down on us from heaven.

Rantings From The Gal With A Close Relationship To Achievement - Part One

It is not often that I am out of sorts for very long. Normally, I have the ability to unpack what's bothering me, deal with it head on and move on to my next challenge or opportunity.

Today was not that day.

I have been bombarded lately with situations/people/instances where folks seem to just not be able to figure out ways to get to what they want in their lives.

Be it romance, peace, financial stability - you name it and people can't get it.

I am scratching my head as to why.

You see, I have strong and consistent relationship with achievement.

I'm not talking about extraordinary things, I mean everyday  - make a goal, attain it. Make another goal, attain it. Sometimes the goals are big and sometimes the goals are small. Regardless, it's really simple for me. Don't like something in my life, change it. Not happy with the way I look, work on it.

I am stunned at how difficult this seems to be for others right now.

Further, I am perplexed that people act somewhat annoyed when I start to troubleshoot once they share their woes with me. Clearly they did not get the memo from this past week. I'm a Maximizer and I can't help myself. No apologies.

At the urging of my supervisor at work, I took the StrengthFinders 2.0 and found out (well got more validation and perspective on what I already knew)  about my top 5 Strengths. And the one related to this post is Maximizer

The Shared Theme Description for Maximizer is this:

People who are especially talented in the Maximizer theme focus on strengths as a way to stimulate personal and group excellence. They seek to transform something strong into something superb.

Thank goodness I read and absorbed this earlier this week because it explains so much to me about me and how I interact with others. It is just the way I'm wired to be disappointed when I see strong that can be stronger.

I hold myself to a high standard and it's highly unlikely that I'm going to "lighten up" on others - especially those that I see more than what they see in themselves.

I focus on my strengths as a way to achieve those things I want in my life versus looking at the obstacles or roadblocks in the path. I intentionally choose to grab on to the nuggets of hope and pour energy into them versus the boulders of doubt and "what ifs".

So this post is my non-apology to folks who want me to lower my expectations, "lighten up", or what ever other euphemisms you have for give up and settle for what life hands you. Not gonna happen for me or anyone who chooses to associate with me. I live to be the best I can be. Every day of every year. Forgive me for being temporarily frustrated when things are not the way I'd like them to be. While you're criticizing me for being so uptight - I'm already looking for solutions to make sure I don't get disappointed again.

Thanks for reading this rant.  Because there are 5 strengths - there will be more rantings. Stay tuned.

What do you have to say back?