Don't Look Back, It's Bad Luck

Photo (and blog title) credit to Sarah Morgan, her view on a recent cross-country move.

It's not often I get inspiration both visually and with words from the same source. But that is exactly what happened last week in my Facebook feed when I saw the above photo. Posted by my friend who just had a sudden move from Southern California to the Southeast, the cool pic was captioned, "Don't look back, it's bad luck."

What a perfect metaphor for life. With change being the only thing we can ever truly count on in life, it's very easy to stay put and hold on to whatever is familiar.

The stressful work situation.

The strained relationship.

The dream deferred.

The unpleasant living arrangement.

The failing business plan.

That's why I was drawn to my friend's post so intently. I actually know what it's like to "not look back," both personally and professionally. And while I don't believe wholeheartedly in luck, I do know that in order to really make progress in life or in business - you do have to leave what's in your rear view mirror, in your rear view mirror.

Regardless your relationship with change, it is imperative to look ahead and not look back. It's why the most important message when moving from "here to there," is all about why "here" no longer works or serves you.  The picture must be painted clearly of why "here" is not where you (or those you want to change with you) need to be.

You must be descriptive. You must be explicit. And you have to be real with what the true consequences are for holding on to your current circumstance.  When people around you encourage you to stay "here," you have to articulate why it's time to move "there." As events or happenings frighten your move from the comfortable "here," be ready to remind yourself and those affected that "here" is not going to solve what only moving "there" can attempt to tackle. Finally, you just have to take a few steps away from "here," - make the mental and physical shift away from "here." Then and only then, can you truly move forward to "there."

And once you have a glimpse of "there" and you start making decisions and moves toward "there," "here" will take its proper place.

In your rear view mirror.

Mom, Grandmom To All: Maya Angelou's Legacy With Me

My fav image of Maya Angelou (1928-2014)

Like the rest of the world, I took the passing of author and poet Maya Angelou really hard when I saw it in my stream of news.  I was overwhelmed by so many emotions and I wept reading key pieces of her work the other night. Then, it occurred to me that the most important thing I'll miss about Dr. Angelou is her mothering and grandmothering of me. Yep. Me, personally from a far.

I picked the photo of Dr. Angelou on purpose because it represents something to me.

Age.
Longevity.
Endurance.

Things my sweet mom and maternal grandmom were not blessed with.

Maya Angelou only birthed one child physically, her son Guy in 1945 when she was just 17 years old.  Yet, she said on many occasions that she was fortunate to be the "mother to many people".  I was one of those people.

From a distance, from a far - as soon as I connected with Maya Angelou's writing, she was a mother figure to me.  Followers of this blog know well that my own mom, Betty Jean Jackson (Wilmer)  lost her life at the tender age of 24 years old in 1976 when I was just 4 years old.  For much of my life, I've resisted real-life, up close mother figures.  So it was easy to have this distant yet close in spirit mom figure in Maya Angelou.  However, as I read more and devoured information about her in her death, I realized that she'd moved a space from mother to grandmother in the later years of our "relationship."

I realized upon "losing"  Maya that, in addition to being a motherless daughter, I never had a close relationship with a grandmother either. On my paternal side, I had a grandmother who enjoyed a long life until 1997. Unfortunately, I never had the privilege to know and/or enjoy her.  My mom's mom, who was nearby and very involved in our lives, passed away suddenly in her 50s in the mid 80s. I've always said she passed away from a broken heart.

An only child of sharecroppers in Arkansas, my grandmother Lois Anderson had four children of her own. My mom, Betty was her first child and when she lost her, it was said that she never truly recovered from the blow.  Then in late 1983, she lost her own mom and barely lived another 90 days passing away in her early 50s in 1984. The legacy of early death haunts me. So, at some point over the years, I transferred my maternal feelings toward Maya Angelou to those of a grandmother. Without one on earth for most of my life, I just made Maya Angelou my grandmother.

I looked forward to any news from her and the releases of her books. When we got Twitter and she joined, I eagerly followed to feel connected to her and her wisdom.

Now, I'm officially without "mother and grandmother" Maya Angelou. And even though  I've been in this place before, this time, I'm left with tangible evidence of her presence in my life through her writings.

Thank you, Dr. Maya.