2 Lessons From A Few Days Of Silence

This is a tough thing for a ENFJ like me

As I approached a week with three public presentations and a pop concert, the familiar scratchiness and dry throat sensation made me panic. Standing outside on a wet chilly day at a cross-country meet, I decided not to talk for three days. This declaration was super easy to say but almost impossible to execute. Right away, I broke it when we saw one my son's former soccer coach, whom we had not seen in over 2 years. As I walked away, I started thinking about how I'd actually pull off the next few days without my voice.

After all, I am a storyteller- by nature and nurture. A corporate marketer and strategist, talking is my bread and butter. It's how I make my living especially now as an entrepreneur. Now, a full week on the other side of that experiment and those important conference speaking engagements. I sit here with my sore throat reflecting on the two most important things I learned from my few days of silence.

Many Ways To Express

Expression comes in many forms. We are taught from an early age that talking is the best and most effective way to express ourselves. After having to shut my yapper for a few days, I'm not so sure. I noticed how my family slowed down their interactions with me. I could see them hesitating as they are, sadly, accustomed to me jumping in. Their eyes reassured me that it was ok because they recognized my sadness without me having to say it. That was a powerful expression of empathy from them and my own sorrow for my past actions. Touch became extremely important to me during those few days. Normally, I am pretty low on the tactile expressions of affection. During those days, hugs and even simple hand holding were so important to me. Everyone else in my family appreciates the back rub or scratch and I'd always rejected these forms of affection, until I had no words and they became a means to express my feelings. And it has been one of the "holdovers" I have kept since I started talking again - touching more. Finally, my facial expressions and body gesturing has always been slightly on the dramatic side. During my silent days, it was like I was a mime. Without words, my other expressions were even more valuable to me and I noticed those expressions more from others.

Listening As Art

Anyone can talk. In fact, most everyone does but not many people listen. And while I am a decent listener, those two full days of not talking really taught me how to listen from a different point of view. There were so many encounters where my listening skills were sharpened. Again, mostly with my family but also at the first conference I attended that week. Meeting tons of new people and not saying much was a first for me. I decided against "explaining" not talking much and just observed. People generally hate silence and without my normal instinct to fill it - I realized how good it can be. Watching the expressions and comfort levels of people during a silent moment is incredible. I'd never seen that before and now I will allow for that as it is a great indicator of many things. The most critical listening for me occurred at the Ed Sheeran concert with my 13 year old daughter. I only knew two of his songs going into the show. Being forced to only listen at a live music event was phenomenal. Not only did I gain an appreciation for this young artist and his craft, I got to take in a concert with all my other senses because I did not talk. My body felt the music in a fresh new way. Most of the show I took in with my eyes closed feeling the music deeply. I expressed my reactions through touch with my daughter who often times looked like she was floating in air. I'm pretty sure it would have been very different had I uttered even one word.

Because I talk for a living, I plan to take some of my key insights from my silent days forward. I plan to give my voice a break at least one full day every week moving forward - no calls, no meetings and very little talking personally. I will awaken my other expression skills and activate them more often - integrate them with my words. I challenge you to join me - even if your voice is healthy.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      

3 Timeless Lessons From Forrest Gump

It's the 20th anniversary of the release of Forrest Gump this summer

Over the recent holiday break, I had the joy of watching the 1994 film phenomenon, Forrest Gump with my two kids for the first time. It was so amazing to watch this classic film and experience it through the eyes of my 21st century children.

The way my kids anticipated the happenings of the film showed me how much more tuned in emotionally my kids are versus me at their age. The questions they had (which were few but really good) and the discussions they initiated reminded me of the power of fiction in our lives. I was also reminded of so many timeless and valuable messages that the book and film brought to life through the eyes of the simplistic man Forrest Gump. Here are three we could use more of nowadays:

True Friends Are Few and Precious

It did not go unnoticed by my 12 and 8 year old that Forrest had only a few friends in his life. Both kids immediately noted that his friendships with Jenny and Bubba were deep and lasting, even though they were so different. In the Facebook age, we often confuse what friends truly are friends to us. Friends make no regard for what we can or cannot do, they accept and love us for who we are.  Forrest was blessed to have at least two people at different eras of his life who loved him unconditionally. Both Jenny and Bubba loved and protected Forrest and he protected them both in return. Even in his passing Bubba provided inspiration for Forrest beyond what Forrest himself could truly comprehend. Friends are few and precious and even a simple man like Forrest Gump did not miss this.

Authenticity Trumps Every Thing

Throughout the story of Forrest Gump, we see the importance of being authentic. From his mom doing whatever was "necessary" to ensure her son had the best education to the moving scene near the end of the movie when Forrest meets little Forrest and frighteningly asks Jenny about his aptitude, we see so many people just being who they are and embracing it. Think about Jenny herself, abused and lost from her childhood days, she took risks and lived her life the way she saw best. Forrest embraced his own simplistic ways and continued to pursue activities in his life that honored his talents and strengths. Lt. Dan was another example of someone who had to face his actual life versus the one he'd planned in his mind. And each one was able to live in peace once they accepted their authentic selves.

Love Begets Love

From beginning to end, we see examples on top of examples of love and how love begets love.  Mrs. Gump's love towards Forrest, despite the hardships they faced, her single motherhood, his physical and mental disabilities, is a clear picture of instilling love from the beginning. Unconditional, tough, honest and cultivated love.  We see how the love Forrest was raised with permeated his life, causing him to befriend Bubba and not even blink as it was counter cultural at that time. That secure love bond made it easy for him to keep his word and share his fortune with Bubba's family even when no one would have been the wiser had he done otherwise. Forrest and his unconditional love for Jenny since their childhood days allowed him to stay connected to her throughout their lives and gave him the chance to spend her last days on earth attending to her. That initial seed of unconditional love planted in Forrest in his youth blossomed and gave fruit again and again throughout his life.

It's hard to believe that 20 years have gone by since Forrest Gump entered pop culture and taught us so much. I am grateful to be able to re-live and learn again with a new generation. Friendship, authenticity and love are the most valuable lessons I learned and live daily from the man from Greenbow, Alabama.

3 Truths I Take Into My "New Year"

Last week, I turned 42 and it was an amazing week full of contrasts that led up to the big day.  Like any week, there was joy, pain, bad, good and an overflow of lessons that I feel compelled to share. Three in particular jumped out of my head today.

Conflict Is Good

No matter the topic, no matter the players, conflict is good. Conflict provides an opportunity to reflect and understand both yourself and the opposition. When executed healthily, conflict can be a conduit of greater intimacy and/or growth in a relationship. Even unhealthy conflict alerts you to people, places and situations that need to be removed from your life. Use conflict to grow and expand. Don't shrink from conflict even if you are not good at it. You cannot not build muscles you never exercise. Get in the ring every now and then and go a few rounds. It will do you good. Besides, if you are never in conflict, chances are you are doing nothing with yourself and need to step it up.

Inferiority Is A Lie and Optional

When people treat you as an inferior, it is only optional that you accept that treatment. We have every opportunity to repel inferiority messages and behaviors, in the moment or later. This one is big especially for soft-spoken or less confident leaders. If you are second guessing yourself due to the way someone else is treating you, it is imperative that you quickly regroup and regain your true standing. Step back and recite the truth of who you are versus the message of inferiority someone else placed on you. Repeated exposure to inferiority messages start to stick unless you combat it and combat it with all you have. Spend time with folks who treat you as equal as soon as you can after a dance with inferiority. And always cast off inferiority messages, preferably on the senders but always get them out of your head and heart.

Love and Admiration Cures All

Sprinkled throughout the week were opportunities for me to see that I am truly loved and admired. Whether it was a meeting with a client that ended with a thoughtful birthday treat or a another meeting with a new friend/colleague where I was given feedback on the reaction to my debut presentation at a statewide conference, I was reminded that I matter and that the work I am doing matters more. I had a conversation where I was reminded that I was trusted. Mixed in with regular birthday greetings on my Facebook wall were heartfelt expressions of love and appreciation of me. People from every era of my life took the time to connect last week from all over the world. For every tough moment I faced, there were many more tender moments all waiting for me to accept and discover. Love from my family and close group overflowed and filled me. I cannot even express how blessed I feel - I had a George Bailey moment more than once this past week - "It's A Wonderful Life" My life is wonderful.

There were many more lessons, big and small, but those three will carry me in this new year of my life and I hope they will inspire you in yours.