A Few Words To Describe My Favorite Season

Love this time of year

Ahhhhhhhh the crisp air of fall is finally here.

Transitioning to chilly days and cozy nights is my absolute favorite time of year. My relationship with Fall is solid. You never see me procrastinating to pull out the sweaters or prepare the house for winter.

The time for reflecting on the year and gearing up for a strong finish does not escape me.


Fall is my time for harvest. All the great ideas and plans that were laid early in the year start to crystallize or disintegrate now and I'm perfectly fine with that. It is a time to pick up the pace or slow it down - depending on the trajectory of the project.

Now is a time to Act,  Learn,  Repeat - quickly to understand how to plan the next year.

Fall also represents another year passing by with my late fall birthday... while the rest of the world reflects during or after the holidays. I'm usually done reflecting by Thanksgiving.

I challenge you all to look at the change around you over the next few weeks and decide on what change you will impart on your life.

How will you end this year?

What goals/objectives should be taken with you into the next year?

What must you abandon to grow?

Get to it - winter will be here before you know it!

3 Tactics For Dealing In Broken Glass

Worth mending? I think not - a new glass would be better

Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it’s better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together. ~ Unknown

One week ago I posted this quote. Without question, the best quote I posted all last week if you measure by visible interactions - number of comments and likes. It was universally well received because everyone can related to a relationship in their life like this.

A sister.

A friend.

An ex.

A co-worker

An acquaintance 

Doesn't matter who it is or who you are - you can relate to the very true statement in that quote. These types of relationships are also referred to as toxic. We all have THAT relationship that just is better off broken.  However for some of us, those of us who consider themselves  self-aware and healthy emotionally speaking - this is an extremely tough thought.  People like me who start over every day.

I believe in the gift that is a new day. Every day I look at life as a new opportunity. I even tweet/post every Sunday morning a "New day, new week = New mercies, new opportunities" thought for the upcoming week.

When you live like that, you believe in giving yourself a new chance so that extends to those in your life. And that is the rub.

Many people do not deserve another chance with you. It's harsh but true.

Many people don't really want another chance with you. That's why they hurt you repeatedly.

Many people don't love themselves. So they can't possibly love you.

So what do you do with those people? If you are indeed forced into contact or are related to them and expected to have contact in some way/shape or form.  Here are the three things I do with broken relationships:

Small doses.

Little to no real time investment is ever spent on relationships that I consider broken. I am considerate when we are going to be in the same functions but do not go out of my way to see or spend time with these people. Be yourself always, just in small doses. For me that means remembering their birthdays because that's who I am. No need to buy crazy gifts but sending a card and calling even though it may be painful and you don't know what you will get - you will feel better if that is part of who you are. Don't allow someone else to cause you to lose who you are with them. Just keep it in manageable doses.

Keep contact short and simple.

When forced into contact, I keep it very light. No deep probing questions, nor do I share deep or personal details about me. Think the Christmas card update if you do or receive those. Very 30,000 ft in nature.  This can be difficult because toxic people usually don't have many boundaries and will absolutely divulge lots of information not appropriate for your relationship. Listen when forced and offer little to no advice. They don't really want it and especially not from you. Be courteous and be brief.

Always be honest with them and yourself

The toughest but best policy. Many times when you realize a relationship is toxic you think you have to avoid or be dishonest with how you truly feel about them and the state of your relations with them. No way. The very few toxic relationships I'm forced to have, have their annual "volcano moment." The moment when the toxic person confronts you for your aloofness towards them and wants it to be better but does not know how to do it. You offer some suggestions and point out exactly why things are the way they are but do not put any hope in long term change. Toxic is toxic for a reason. You love these people and want the best for them and right now (and most likely always) that means telling them the truth and keeping them a safe distance away.

This is not easy and by no means is it pain-free. I just had a volcano moment in the most toxic relationship in my life. I am literally still shaken from the deep hurt I experience with each contact I have but I am at peace.

I do my best and am ready to have a normal relationship with this person whenever they are. That's the problem with optimist like me. But the realist in me keeps me sane which is why I'm also prepared to follow my three steps for the rest of our time on earth together.

Why A Sensible Person (Like Me) Would Choose A Side Politically

We really only have a few choices politically speaking in the United States

Now that both the Republican National Convention and the Democratic National Convention are over, we are really in the home stretch of the 2012 presidential campaign. It's almost over. Like most of you, I will be glad when it's November 7 and not just because my birthday is coming.

I'll be glad because, as a nation, we will have to "kiss and make up." We will have to put our partisan talk aside and reunite to go about the business of running the country, together. Warts and all.

It occurred to me the past few weeks just how divided and cynical we have become as a nation. It begs the question that many ask and few answer - Do I have to choose a side?

How many Facebook posts have you seen about the lesser of two evils? How many folks have you seen declare they are not voting at all?

Because of this I was compelled to write about the three reasons a sensible person would choose a side politically - even in all the turmoil we see that is politics today.

No Decision Is A Decision

When we don't decide something - a decision is made for us. On our behalf. I remember the first time I heard that. It was in high school when I was stubbornly trying to stonewall something related to the student newspaper where I served as the editor-in-chief. Our advisor said to me - "To not decide is a decision, Denise" Even though I did not grasp its power at the time, that is a very powerful statement and it plays out every day in American local politics. Whether or not you vote, people are elected to office. Whether or not you participate, decisions are being made for you by those same people you did not elect.

No Party or Candidate Will Have "It" For Every Person

Can I get an AMEN for that? Really, have you ever seen a political candidate that encompasses everything you believe in or stand for? Present company included? I am an elected local municipal official and I am certain that there is something about me that would turn someone else off. That is normal and by the way, human. Only robots can be programmed to meet our needs 100% And I sure as heck don't want robots doing the job because then the humans behind the robots are in control. See how that works? We have to make a choice that is most closely aligned with our beliefs and desires for our country moving forward. I have said it before - both sides of the political aisle should spend more time talking about what we all want because THAT is where we can have a conversation - not the "how we get it". We have fiercely different paths to get to where we want to be a country but it seems like the best way to get there is to start with... there. Future post on what "there" looks like next week.

Not Lazy

When you peel back the layers - it all comes down to laziness on the part of most Americans in this  area. We are apathetic about politics as a general rule. We have our allegiances and don't want to investigate anything further. Well, I am not lazy. I will not stand back and let someone else decide for me - not even the party I am most closely affiliated with. If we don't have a viable candidate for an office - I HAVE to consider who's on the ballot and vote. Period. End of Story. Same goes for you. Your parents have an affiliation? Great - good for them - now grow up and read and make your own decision. Your church is telling you who to vote for? Shame on that church - they should just be advising you to pray for the process and get involved without telling you WHO to vote for. Pick up a newspaper. Read a book. Investigate online. Get as many perspectives as you can and THEN make a choice.

It is not simple nor is it something to take lightly. We live in a country that sets the standard for freedom and expression. The best way to express yourself as an American is to get involved in the process of governing our country. Voting is the gateway to that. For that reason I have voted in EVERY election I've been eligible to vote in since I was 18 years old. I've voted red and blue. Always siding with a specific candidate versus a whole party slate. But you can't do that without getting yourself informed.

I've made a choice and I urge each of you to do the same.

There's only 8 weeks to do so.

Finally A Runner

Channeling my inner FloJo

It's been a great long holiday weekend.

I ran the Sunset 5K for the second time and recorded my personal best time of 38:58.8. For the past year as I've run other races and trained intermittenly but had not seen myself as a runner until that evening.

It's not about the time.

It's not about how fast you run.

It's not about the equipment.

It's not about how others see you.

It's all about how you see yourself. And I finally see myself as a runner.

It all happened within a brief exchange at the registration table. As I checked in, the woman at the table said something to me about doing well as she got my packet. Another woman next to me looked up and said she recognized me running in the neighborhood and that she saw me at another race earlier this year and before I could blurt out my normal self-depreciating comment about not being a "real runner" or being super slow.

I didn't.

I simply replied - "yes, that's me. I'm not very good but I do run"

And just like that I am a runner. I finally see myself as a runner. Albeit a slow, quirky and heavy one but a runner nonetheless. 

How many times do we sell ourselves short of who we really are?

How many times do we compare ourselves to others? our journey to that of other people?

We must embrace our own walk.

We must accept ourselves.

I am certain that until that moment, every time I denied that I was a runner or somehow diminished the fact that I was running regularly -  it was because I had a picture of what a runner looks like in my mind and I ain't it.

I thought a runner was someone who loved to run.

I thought a runner would be running more races by now.

I thought a runner would have progressed beyond 38:58 in a timed race.

I thought a runner would have a desire to run more than a 5K.

Until then, I thought of anyone else besides me to be a runner.  I've been a runner pretty much since I completed the Couch-To-5K program last summer but only truly accepted it Friday night before my race. I smile reflecting on it now.

Guys,  this realization is huge. Perhaps there are some other areas of my life I need to "wake up" to...

Best selling author?

Accomplished strategic business consultant?

I don't know but I intend to be more aware from now on.

What about you?

What do YOU need to wake up to and acknowledge to make it so?

Who Is Your Jurgen Klinsmann?

US National Team Coach Jurgen Klinsmann believed in his team like no one else and thus they believed

Last Wednesday, without much fanfare, the US Men's National Team made history.

This young team became only the 9th team in the 46 year history of the stadium to post a win against the Mexican National team following powerhouses like Italy, Spain and Brazil. With it's notorious noise and high altitude conditions - Estadio Azteca is the ultimate home field advantage. It did not go without note in all the press leading up to the "friendly" match between CONCACAF's fiercest rivals. Every mention of the game was punctuated with the fact that the Americans had never beat Mexico in this stadium - coming into the match last week with an abysmal record of 0-23-1.

Until now.

What was the difference?

For me it was a simple concept of faith. Specifically, Coach Jurgen Klinsmann's faith in his team.

Dictionary.com defines faith as this:

          1. confidence or trust in a person or thing
          2. belief that is not based on proof

I watched closely as every reporter brought up the fact that the US Men's Team had never won a match in Azteca. Klinsmann never flinched in his faith in his team's ability to ignore that fact and play their best with the intention of coming away from that match with the result of a W. In one of the final interviews, Klinsmann did not mince words when he stated that he believed his team could beat Mexico in Estadio Azteca.

I've been a part of the US Soccer family since the early 90s when I started my career there in PR/marketing. Never before have I heard a US coach speak so convincingly of his faith in the team to do something. He demonstrated such solid belief that it became impossible for any other result from that team, that night. I believe that Jurgen actually believed in the team more than they believed in themselves going in and then they rose to the occasion to make history.

So I ask... who is your Jurgen Klinsmann?

Who in your life sees what could be and pushes you towards it?

Who do you know has the courage of conviction to speak big things on your life?

Who is that person in your life that believes in you, perhaps even more than you believe in yourself?

I am blessed, I have a handful of these folks in my stable of great people. They are critical to my success personally and professionally.

There is a woman who sees me as the grand wife I could be and constantly pushes me towards that. Or there is the lifelong friend who sees my greatness as a mom and encourages it. Then there is the "great business mind" friend and confidant who sees my entrepreneurial potential and does not allow me to default in fear.  Each one pushes me beyond where I am today. Each sees a few steps ahead of my current circumstance and gives me the "kick" I need to get there. Sometimes, I struggle to see beyond where I am at the moment but I am so glad I have people around me who see it before I do.

I implore you to seek out the "Jurgen Klinsmanns" in your life. They can be close friends or even loose connections. I'm thinking of the college friend on Facebook who micro-mentored me to writing my first book earlier this year. He saw that I could do it even before I did and in an effort to not let him down - I did it. I finished my first book and will be publishing it in a few weeks.

We all need people in our lives to push us to places we'd never go on our own. We need people to state that they believe in us even when there is no "proof" of what they believe. Lots of times, these folks are in our lives already but we don't recognize or open ourselves up to them. I challenge you to do it today.

Who knows the history you will make when you do.

Rules of Engagement For Decision 2012

I will do better this political season

13 weeks. 91 days. Lots of hours, minutes and seconds until Election Day 2012.

Now that the "official" teams are set, it is really on.

You can feel it in the air. 

But I am taking a pledge this election season and I am hoping many join me...

I pledge to do the following starting now until Election night 2012:

1.  Respect people voting for folks I'm not voting for.
2.  Ignore political propaganda that name calls.
3.  Engage in discussions civilly or not at all.

In today's blasting/broadcasting/posting your every move, these three actions can prove tricky but I will stick to them. Here's a bit more detail on how I will do that.

Respect people voting for folks I'm not voting for

You've all felt it. That moment when Facebook lets you know that someone you like a lot has "liked" a page you'd never look at. It stings. C'mon admit it. What's the first thing that goes through your mind?

"I thought I knew FILL-IN-THE-BLANK"

Well I'm here to say that you do know FILL-IN-THE-BLANK, you just have a different view on how to achieve what we all want in our country. It's not the end of the world or your friendship. In the last three days, I've seen that many times and with each sting - I say out loud, it's OK. Now I know what I will see in the coming weeks on their page and I have the option to keep it there and get irritated everytime I see it or I can hide them for the next 90 days.

I will most definitely not be going on their wall to post my views. And I expect the same courtesy from them.

Ignore political propaganda that name calls

This will be, by far, the hardest of all the actions but I will stick by it. I will read carefully each article and  will be ultra selective on which ones I post or spread.

In my humble opinion, we should do away with the labels "Conservative" or "Liberal." Labels and absolutes are made for inanimate objects, not people. People have opinions that change over time and evolve. Look at most politicians - it's really impossible to be completely one side or the other.

So this season, you won't find any negative political ads on my wall or in my stream. I plan to actively seek information sources that stick to the positives of the candidate that I am supporting versus tearing down the candidate I am not. I will change the channel if an ad comes on and goes immediately dark - we all know what those ads look like. And I am opting out this year.

Engage in discussions civilly or not at all.

Perhaps the easiest of the three for me. I have already stated that I will not "troll" pages/blogs/comment strings of folks I know think differently looking for opportunities to pounce them with my "truths."

I will also not engage people who do that to me or my strings. I will politely ignore any goadings to argue or "defend" my candidate. I understand the issues and am not undecided so there is no need for me to "explore" or feel the urge to "educate" others.

When asked, I may choose explain my position without name calling or anger. I will use many smiley faces in text over the next few months. I will also look for opportunities have face-to-face discussions versus cyber ones. It is easier to exercise self control when a person in the flesh is standing in front of you versus a high resolution screen. Further, I will just do the polite thing and not talk politics at all. If I hear a conversation brewing near me that is going in a direction I don't want to go, I'll simply walk the other way and get another snack, remembering again that I don't HAVE to share my views.

That's what I'm planning to do the next few months -

Who's with me?

How Often Do You Fill Your Leadership Cup?

Anyone who leads anything has a leadership cup. Be it your family, your team at work, the small group at your church or the group of gals you coffee with each morning at the coffee house - you lead in some way, shape or form.

From a pure logic standpoint, your capacity to lead is likened to a cup. You can only pour out what you have inside. Once the cup is empty, it's pretty tough to keep going, effectively.

Today's question is designed to challenge you to fill your cup. For me it is a no brainer. And it's that time of year again.

Every August since 2006, I refill my leadership cup at the annual Global Leadership Summit put on by the Willowcreek Association. It is two full days packed with lots of teachings, interactions and activities designed to strengthen me as a leader. I cannot imagine my year without it. It is not the only leadership cup fill I get every year but it is the most significant. It is a signal to all around me that my personal development is a priority. No calls, no meetings, very little email interaction - 100% focus on growing my leadership capabilities. GLS 2012 is a special year as it marks the first year I'm attending the GLS as my own boss.

It was at my third GLS that the possibility of owning my own business even became a major thought. I've said many times and I highlight it again in my upcoming book, I am an unlikely entrepreneur from a long history of family members who are good at working for others. However, my commitment to growing and filling my leadership cup every year in an intense and intentional way led me to my current place. In between summits, I read voraciously - blogs, books, articles to help me grow. I also speak at and attend several other conferences. I interact regularly with other committed growing leaders. Lots of tactics and lots of time invested in filling my leadership cup.

I find that keeping my cup full increases my capacity to extend myself to those I lead. I cannot function well as a leader without my cup full.  Everyone is different. For me, full = ready. Ready to lead. Ready to jump on opportunities. Ready to be more compassionate to those around me. Ready to do what I was designed to do - revolutionize relationships on planet Earth.

What about you?

How often do you fill your leadership cup?

What are your tactics for keeping it full?