If You Build It, It Will Carry You

Hokey picture of our "gut'  asking for trust

Many people make decision based on their brains while many other trust their hearts. Still others use external data points or factors outside themselves to make decisions.

The "right" answer probably varies and is wholly dependent the individual.

I'd say I make most of my decisions based on my "gut."

And if I'm honest, before this post, I'm not sure I ever looked up the definition of gut. and dictionary.com says: gut: informal personal courage and determination; toughness of character.

What an amazing validation of the my point today.  Our own personal courage and determination equals our gut.

Lately, I've had to lean into my gut for some major decisions especially because data and other logical decision making tools were unavailable to me. Sometimes, actually most times my gut has not steered me wrong. I believe that is because I've utilized my gut for some time now. Easily the last 16 -20 years of my life, I have strengthened my gut's ability to steer me. In some cases, especially business and related to my vocational talents - I almost trust my gut exclusively and rarely does it fail me. I noticed, however, that on issues pertaining to my personal life, my gut is not as practiced nor as confident as it is in professional issues.

I'm very new to trusting my gut personally speaking and it has floundered but I persist. Why? Well I have ample evidence that this muscle works and works well on the professional side of the house so I am building its capabilities on the personal side.

Further, I am encouraging my 15 year old daughter to learn to wholly trust her gut. It's not something we just started, it's been ongoing since early in the middle school years. I cannot tell you how many times, I've said, "Emma - what does your gut say to you? Whatever that is, trust it and build it."

Last week, Emma did one of the most courageous things she's done in her young life and I could not be more proud.  She made a move. A very unpopular and not fully understood (externally) move that rocked both her peers and some other adults in her life. This move was not easy. And it required lots of explanation and defending but I watched her embolden with each challenge to her decision. I watched her handle an adult more than quadruple her age with grace, respect but unshakable conviction and firmness.

WOW.


I can't even imagine what I would have done in life if I'd started trusting my gut at age 15. And as I write this I know people my age - mid 40s who STILL don't trust their own guts. That's my ask.

As courage and determination are malleable, you can build your gut - starting now.  Today.

Take steps to build you courage. Start small. Give yourself some small wins and encouragement to build momentum to bigger things.

Ask trusted people in your life to remind you of moments of courage and determination - we often forget. Record them and recall them when you need them.

Repeat. Build your gut and then give it practice. Again and again.

If you build your gut, one day it will carry you.

How The GOAT Impacted 8 Year Old Me And Changed Me Forever

The way I remember the Greatest of All Time

2016 is my year of recalibration.

And as I reflect upon the death of boxing legend and humanitarian Muhammad Ali at the age of 74 over the weekend, it is clear why these happenings are occurring. This second iconic death within a 90 day period is an acute reminder of the origins of my own personal strength.

Like many Black kids of the 70s, Muhammad Ali was my hero. Without question.

At a time when Black American heroes were few and often soft spoken (think Arthur Ashe - another hero to me as a actual tennis player), Muhammad Ali was different and captured my imagination from the first time I saw him on the small screen.

He was outspoken.

He was fierce.

He was confident.

And those were traits I'd never seen in Black people in my own real life circles.  I remember him most from 1979 as it was a tumultuous year for me personally. It was the year of his "retirement and comeback." There was the Lyle Alzado fight and countless replays of many of his most controversial moments to date at that time.

I remember not being able to peel my eyes away as replays of his anti-Vietnam commentaries were played again and again. Or seeing him talk enormous amounts of trash about his opponents and his legacy.

I also remember driving by his south side Chicago home and being shown where he once lived. It was sort of a mecca for me and family members who took us there. Hearing stories from family members and friends who'd run into him or witnessed him with his kids on the south side of Chicago riveted me. And it was not the riches or fame that attracted me to Ali and his story.

It was sheer bravery to be who he was and boldly speak what was on his heart; To be proud of his heritage,  his people and to speak out about what we suffered in this country.

1979 was the year I was sexually abused by a family member. It was year of a crazy Chicago snow storm and the year I first listened to Prince.

And while I'd never thought much of it before the passing of both Prince and Muhammad Ali these last few months, it was the year I figured out that I have a voice. A strong and powerful voice that started raising and asserting itself that very year despite what the world around me told me.

I was brave.

I was powerful.

I was fierce.

And I felt that way then at least in part because of seeing Muhammad Ali stand up again and again at a time when I felt like laying down. To this day, I live, lead and love fiercely. How grateful am I for reminder of the great life and legacy of Muhammad Ali as this reflection is fueling my growth into the next phase of my journey.

Rest in power, Muhammad Ali - you especially impacted this Chicago girl and woman she's grown to be. Thank you.

Why I Chose "Love" This Mother's Day

Gift to Women at Willowcreek Church for Mom's Day

In celebration of women on Mother's Day 2015 at Willowcreek Community Church, all women were gifted with a pendant on a chain that had one of the following words: Hope, Grace, Love and Courage.

Sitting with my daughter in service, we almost immediately agreed that I should choose "Hope." After all, I have been the steady rock in our family over the last 9 months during an incredibly difficult storm that is only starting to subside.

Then, I drifted off again during service, thinking I might choose "Grace." I certainly understand and walk in a huge amount of grace with God and those who live with me. Plus my understanding of God's amazing grace has allowed me to extend grace abundantly in my life over the last 8 years or so.

I never thought about choosing "Courage" as it is emblazoned across my forehead and most folks who know and interact with me would call me brave, courageous, bold and all the negative nomenclature that remotely relates to courage.  I have a bracelet that says "Fierce" and I barely wear it anymore as people really don't need the visual cue - it's pretty apparent almost instantly.

That left "Love" as my only choice. My first inclination was to resist. Love is cheesy. I love, I reasoned sarcastically internally. But really the more I thought about it, my tough character is in a season where it desperately needs love.

To love and feel loved.

It is very easy and intuitive for me to "get stuff done." I can shut out feeling anything for days on end especially when there are clear needs and things that need to be done. Courage is second nature and almost as deeply engrained in my DNA as Hope. Hope is my fuel. And as I referenced last week, even a sliver of hope can be instrumental in pushing me forward sometimes to my own detriment. On a brain and heart level, I get Grace especially the  undeserved, abundantly flowing and unrequited kind. Grace was not easy but it was innate in my personality especially since I got married and became a mom. But love eludes me.

Just writing that sentence brought burning tears and a frozen tense state of being. I love. I love my husband, my kids, my BFF and hosts of other people but I struggle to feel love and be loved from others  - all those people included.

Let me be clear, it's not about stuff or cards or gifts or even time together. For me, love is about actions, behaviors and attitudes that display what someone means to you, consistently. Key word being consistent. It's why I struggle with holidays. Why do most people need external prompts to show our appreciation? Love is year round, day in and day out. And even if I struggle to express love to those around me, I don't believe I struggle in demonstrating it. I mostly struggle to see the love of others toward me and I know it's my own lens of love blocking it. Love is a very negative trigger for me and it feels un-American and certainly unmotherly to feel this way. All moms love "love," right?

So when the Teaching Pastor closed the service reminding us to choose  our pendant wisely and remember that part of the idea behind the gift was to select something that speaks to you now, precisely in the season you're in but that you will be on the look out for it as a need in others so that you may one day "pass it on."

That's why I chose "Love". I aspire to generously and courageously love and receive love in my life from the people I do my life with.  It's scary to think that I have courage, hope and grace so firmly figured out without love.  In fact, it makes me know that when I get a better grasp on love, all those other things will manifest in an even greater form in my being.

I am excited to turn some energy to "love" and see what I can do to soften the trigger reactions to it.

6 Hours In A County Fair Booth Made Me Unstoppable

Not sure what it is but I've always loved the county fair. Or any fair for that matter. Roasted sweet corn. Hot sugary funnel cakes. The noise. The crowd. Animal smells.

Yeah. Love that.

This year, I woke up after my visit to the county fair feeling something different.

Unstoppable.

For the past two years, I've volunteered at the Democrats of McHenry County booth at the McHenry County Fair. And you may ask, "Why in the world do you feel 'unstoppable' after that?"

Well, it's simple.

Have you ever stood as a volunteer in a booth, at public event where you see people's disposition physically change as they spot you?

Have you ever had someone snatch their kid's hand away from a basket of candy you were holding out?

Have you ever seen someone almost break their own neck not to make eye contact with you?

Have you repeatedly been told "no"? Even before you stated anything?

Have you ever been called a baby killer to your face?

Have you ever had people argue with you unilaterally even when you were not arguing with them?

Well all that and more happened on my 5 hour shift in the Democrats booth at the county fair last week.  Now, to be fair (no pun intended),  our county is reasonably split - 45% of registered voters are Republican, 38% Democrat and the rest are Independent.  On paper, we should not be so outnumbered but the perception about our county is that it is overwhelmingly Republican.  And the behavior of most of the people I encountered last week would reflect that perception. You may be thinking - "what in world were you saying to those people?"

97 days until the election.

Know you have a choice in McHenry County.

Absolute power corrupts.

People who run unopposed do not work as hard.

That's it. I wasn't pushing anything or anyone. I was simply reminding people what a democracy looks like and yet I was met with some very vocal and non-vocal rejection.

And I love it!

Here's why:

I am in the arena.

I care about something.

I'm proud to stand by what I care about.

I'm stronger for looking people in the eye and owning what I believe.

Guys, I am not advocating that you go stand in a political booth. That is only for the sheer lions of this world, like myself. But what are you waiting for to stand up and get involved? Get out there and get in an ARENA, TODAY!

What do you care about most?

Education? Support a PTA/PTO. Go to school board meeting.

Economic growth? Get to a local municipal meeting. Question your officials.

Elderly care? Volunteer at a nursing home or assisted living facility.

Literacy? Join your local library "Friends" organization or run for library board.

Women's Issues? Call your local YWCA and get involved.

Whatever the cause, there is an arena waiting for its warriors. Every voice counts. All people matter. Stop buying into the belief that you cannot make a difference.

For every 5 rude and fearful people I encountered last week, there was one who silently walked by with the thumbs up. For every 5 people who stopped to tell me I was not welcomed or wanted in this county, there was one who stopped and thanked me for being there.


One man with courage is a majority - Thomas Jefferson

It's not rocket science. It's part of the human experience. And because of my time in that booth last week - I recognize my power as an individual contributor to this great nation.

When will you recognize yours?

Courage: Don't Leave Home Without It

Award winning TV producer Mark Burnett with Willow Creek Pastor Bill Hybels

Courage is no longer for the warriors of the world. Increasingly, courage is required of every day people.  At the annual Willow Creek Association Global Leadership Summit - it was a recurring theme of day one of the two day leadership training event.  From the opening session with Willow Creek Community Church Senior Pastor Bill Hybels to the final interview session with Hollywood producer Mark Burnett, courage in leadership was practically demanded by every speaker. Courage with our calling and courage with our people were the top two areas emphasized.
Calling

We all have a calling in life. Some of us are called to lead companies. Other of us are called to lead teams. Many more are called to lead families. Regardless your calling, our WCA GLS  leaders reminded us, again and again, that courage in your calling is a dealbreaker. Attorney and entrepreneurial leader Bob Goff said, “If we were not afraid, we’d live the life worthy of our calling.”
He is right on point. The day we get a glimpse of what we are called do is the day we must decide to stare our greatest fears in the face and defy them. It is not a one-time deal, it is a daily decision to get up and pursue our life’s work. Our calling deserves our attention and accountability. We owe it to the calling to live no other way. How else will we motivate the people we do life with to join us in the calling if we ourselves are afraid to go for it.

People

People in our lives need us to be courageous as well. Whether it’s the family you lead or the team at work, the people we lead expect us to have the courage to take care of the entities we head. We must ensure that the environment we lead is a healthy one where the inhabitants can grow and flourish. Business strategist Patrick Lencioni challenged us to know the people who work with us. Take an interest, make certain we know our people so that they can live up to their best potential and have the courage to face their own callings.

Relational courage is of utmost importance in our lives both in business and personal settings. Burnett stated that “unresolved emotional conflict drains the energy from an organization.” It takes courage to face conflict with others. It takes courage to root out toxic behavior. We cannot move toward our collective or individual calling without courage in our relationships.


Take a moment this week to look for ways to be more courageous in your calling and with the people you do life with.