Limit Your Consumption and Instantly Feel Better

credit fine artist Samuel Carter

When most people talk about consumption or cutting back from it, often times they are talking about physical "stuff."  In the last 24 months, I have limited that type of consumption in my life and I am looking forward to pushing ahead with less "stuff" weighing me down. My theme for 2014 was "unencumbered" which loosely means not weighed down or burdened.

Just as the new year rolled in, I read something from a Fast Company list of the most productive people that struck me.  Founder and CEO of Chobani, Hamdi Ulukaya said this: "...as the business grows, you get more attention, and then you realize that the whole world is trying to get time from you. Which is amazing. But every time you give it to the world, you give less to what you're doing."

I read Hamdi's comments as this - the more you consume energy, attention or anything that sucks your time away from your purpose, the less time you give to your purpose. Instantly, I was challenged to be a better steward of what I consumed mentally.

That's right, content, news, articles, blogs, commentaries, op-eds,  - I had to figure out how to better consume information.

We live in a time where you could literally lose a day "catching up" on the headlines from around the world or just in your neighborhood.  You could get lost and go down a rabbit hole of the vast number of opinions of one single Oscar speech or comment: Read Patricia Arquette's acceptance speech and subsequent comments or Sean Penn's insensitive off-the-cuff remark on the Best Director winner's immigration status that have lit up the internet in the last 48 hours.

As a wife, mom, business owner and public servant, there is only so much time in a day. We are all afforded the same amount of time. Yet, I was feeling like I had less and less until I made a conscious decision to limit what I take in. My alarm started as 2014 was winding down and the barrage of shocking and sad news stories on injustice and racial tensions just became too much. Couple that with our own battle of injustice within our family, I just withdrew.

And I felt an immediate change in my disposition. My emotional fortitude was instantly boosted. For we are not designed to consume what we consume these days. All the news  - good or bad. All the opinions about that news. All the reactions to those opinions or news.  In order for me to do all I am called to do in this world, I've had to build a discipline around priorities. That is especially hard for the voracious reader in me but it had to be done.

I challenge you to join me in limiting your consumption of content. You will instantly see a change in your life when limit what you allow your mind and heart to consume.

Be Your Own Hero

Best Actor Winner Matthew McConaughey is in competition with himself

In the middle of his Best Actor award acceptance speech, 2014 winner Matthew McConaughey touched on something many may have mistaken as arrogance. During his somewhat bizarre and long (3 minutes and 49 seconds) tale, he said he needed, "someone to look up to, something to look forward to and someone to chase."

Within that context, I was expecting to hear about a person he admired and strived to be like - another actor, a public figure or even someone in his private life that we did not know at all. Like the rest of the world watching, I was shocked to hear that he is chasing himself, his future self. But it did not take me long to realize how awesome that concept is and how I, too live that way.

For so many people in the world, the game of life is a game of comparison. We look at people similar to us and compare where we are versus where they are. Or we look at people extremely different from us but in similar circumstances and compare our little hearts out.  It's often about keeping up with and surpassing the proverbial Joneses in our lives.

The nugget of wisdom that flowed freely from one of Texas's most treasured natural resource's mouth is one of being only in competition with yourself. Looking ahead and figuring out how to top yourself in all you do. There is a strong sense of self-reliance in that statement and I can dig it.

3 years ago, when I started my business, it was very easy to compare myself to other female entrepreneurs. I was gobbling up all info I could on small businesses, business led by women and the fastest growing segment of businesses - minority women owned shops. One part of me was eager to absorb and learn all I could from the mistakes of others and take their insight into my journey. But another part of me was in full-on comparison mode. Where did these women work before they launched? Were their networks as strong as mine? Did they have clear objectives and goals? I'd read about a successful female entrepreneur and immediately dissect what I was reading with a side-by-side, tit-for-tat comparison of her business to mine - whether or not it made sense or even was relevant. It was tearing my creativity apart and within 9 months of intense "recognizance" as I called it, I stopped cold turkey.

I began to just look at where I was 6 months prior; what I was learning from my clients and how my business model was evolving. It was the best thing I ever did. Looking back now, I am certain that slight change in focus fueled the over 900% growth in my business year-over-year the last 2 quarters of 2013 that is continuing as we speak and move through 2014.

I'm my own target. I'm my own s/hero. Just like Matthew McConaughey, I only have the facts about me - where I've been, what I've faced and where I can possibly go. It is a complete waste of time to compare ourselves with anyone or chase anyone else's success. I often cringe when I hear folks say things like - "I'm gonna be the next Oprah, Tyra or fill-in-the-blank."  No,  you are not.  You are going to be the first YOU and that is absolutely fanfriggintastic if you allow yourself to feel and dream it. When I heard Mr. McConaughey say he is chasing "me 10 years from now," I got chills. I feel the same way. I've been growing my business steadily since I started it and based on what I've done and what I can do, I have visualized what I could be 10 years from now and it is sweet.

So like the Academy Award winning actor - I am going to challenge you to be your own hero. Chase your own dream and future self. Stop the comparison game. Start the competition with you.

Go.

Marriage Is Work - The Best Kind

Ben Affleck and Jen Garner during the 2013 Award Season - a good one for Ben

Way back in February, I wrote a post about 2013 Academy Award winning Best Picture Argo's Director, Ben Affleck. That post was solely about the work part of his triumph. Find it here. I was so impressed and did not get to actually see the movie until a few weeks ago. Fired up to cheer for Ben all these months later, I was reminded of his acceptance speech all over again. I loved the speech. Every word. And while before I chose to focus on the work part of the speech and pursuing your dreams, it is the other "work" part of the speech, I'd like to focus on today.  Ben said something to his wife, fellow actor, Jennifer Garner, about his marriage that sent the internet abuzz.

"I want to thank you for working on our marriage for 10 Christmases. It’s good, it is work, but it’s the best kind of work, and there’s no one I’d rather work with."

We are full speed into the 2013 wedding season now and what better time to shine a light on Mr. Affleck's wise statement.  Marriage is work. No doubt. Without question.

Many people tried to read into his statement as if something was "wrong" in their marriage. He went so far as to "defend" his statement in a SNL monologue months later, inviting his wife to join him. Ben, you needn't have worried. Those of us toiling in our own (12 years and counting over here) marriages get it. More people would be wise to listen to what you said. Even in his SNL defense - he touched on something I think most people can relate to as well.

"You define what’s important to you by what you dedicate your time to."

After seeing the masterpiece that is his work in Argo - I got it all over again. I have for the last few years been building a business and love my work. Just as I love my marriage and family. Work has such a huge impact on my life and I can see how easy it is to parallel almost every thing else to it.

Owning a business is work.

Anything worth having, requires work. 

Most valuable things are created with work.

Raising kids with someone else is work.

Wealth is created the first time with work.

And yes, marriages that go the duration also entail work. Kudos to a Hollywood star for being so brutally honest with us and sharing that they, too, experience some aspects of life like the rest of us.

I have always appreciated Ben Affleck. Thanks, Ben for validating that irrational appreciation.

2 Things Ben Affleck Said Directly to Entrepreneurs

Ben Affleck Receiving Best Picture Oscar for Argo - Mario Anzouri/REUTERS

Last night, a very unlikely hero emerged from the ashes.

Hot shot actor, overexposed for many years quietly comes back and triumphs big. His film nominated in many categories but he himself snubbed for Best Director, Ben Affleck had a message for everyone in Hollywood.

He is back. (after getting a 1998 Best Original Screenplay Oscar for Good Will Hunting with his best bud, Matt Damon) He is good enough. He is talented. And now, you all know it.

His speech was worth my two hours of lost sleep alone giving us entrepreneurs two great nuggets in his rushed, nervous and downright exhilarating speech.

"You can't hold grudges."

"Doesn't matter how you get knocked down in life, all that matters is you gotta get up."

Not all of us work in the chasm that is Hollywood but Affleck's advice is sound and solid for those of us who work for ourselves in any industry.

Like Affleck, we will be faced with doubters. People you think will be supportive of your endeavors will ignore your calls and not answer your emails. People who will tell you to get them "your stuff" and no matter how much you follow up - they don't do anything. You have to let those folks go. Why? Because then you'll meet the folks who will help.

Doubters and folks who reject us are often the targets of our grudges. Affleck mentioned a specific group of people in his speech, those "who extended themselves to me when they had nothing to benefit from it in Hollywood." Guys, if we are chasing the doubters trying to convince them - we miss the people Ben acknowledged - the people WILLING to extend themselves to us. When we hold grudges, the energy we give off repels the people we need to meet and work with.

My favorite line from Affleck's speech was this one, "And it doesn't matter how you get knocked down in life because that's going to happen. All that matters is you gotta get up." As an entrepreneur, this spoke to me, big time.  I'm particularly moved by his word choice of "how you get knocked down." Knocked down is knocked down, right? Wrong. Some blows are way more significant than others. The client who signs a contract and does not pay is much different from the person who begs for a proposal and doesn't agree to work with you.

Affleck's use of how you get knocked down was intentional. Look at his own fall from Hollywood graces. 15 years ago, Hollywood was making fun of Bennifer, Gigli and Daredevil. Ben Affleck was the butt of late night jokes and generally dismissed as a pretty face with little talent. Yet, he quietly settled down, built a family and got really selective on which projects he chose to lend himself to and little by little -  an amazing filmmaker has emerged from the ashes of a hot shot handsome actor who burned out quickly.

As entrepreneurs, we must get back up. Again. Again.  And again. Regardless of what struck us down. We need look no further than Ben Affleck who made history being only the fourth director to win Best Picture without a Best Director Nomination.

Thanks Ben - I'm fired up all over again for my work today. Even on a lot less sleep.