Family, Love, Acceptance: Relearned on A Beach Retreat

Family.


Love.

Acceptance.

The power and intensity around these words for me personally is practically indescribable. Each one a trigger of all kinds of emotions and deep seeded beliefs. As a person whose life work revolves around relationships and how to best grow and leverage them for good, I am intimately familiar with the contradictions that can accompany each word.

We all have family.

We all crave, want and need love.

We all deeply desire acceptance but know it's not always available so we can live without it.

I am deeply moved and forever changed by my experience with a "client", no less,  who showed me in a very real way that all those things are possible even in places where we least expect it.

This past Spring, a dear sister friend invited me to use my talents at a retreat for Black women executives who in work in philanthropy. Based on their desires, I created two workshops and quickly got the "thumbs up" from the planning committee. This event weighed heavily on my schedule as its confirmation fully booked my September 2015 calendar rendering me not one additional billable hour in May.  From day one, I knew this would be a history making event for me and my business, even if that the time I had not true idea why.

Fast forward to September 24 - my arrival day at the event. You could say I skidded to this event after 30 days of relentless travel. There were 9 workshops, 3 TED-style talks, 2 seminars in 5 cities touching countless people with my message of Engage, Collaborate, Lead in one form or another. The trip itself pushed me into American Airlines Gold status which was huge for me back in my days of corporate marketing travel on someone else's dime. I was exhausted yet completely stoked to lead and learn with a group of my peers - outstanding Black women executives. Don't even mention that the week was a great one for talented Black women in general. Even though I was on a plane, I did not miss the 2015 Emmy buzz around amazing Black actresses taking home statues  - Regina King, Viola Davis and Uzo Aduba.

Little did I know, that my contribution to the weekend would be the least impactful memory I'd have. From allowing me full participation in the planned weekend activities, to my divinely appointed work group Friday afternoon - every aspect of the ABFE Women in Philanthropy 2015 Leadership Retreat deeply touched me and renewed my faith in family, love and acceptance.

Family is a complicated matter with me. My family of origin is a complex and messy tale. Until recently, my marriage and family I built was my refuge and saving grace for the very word "family." While it is still together, many uncertainties abound about its future.

Love. Boy, do I struggle with this concept. See my Mother's Day post here, if you don't believe me. I have no problem giving love but receiving it is my achilles.

Acceptance is quite another story. I have learned to live without acceptance for much of my life. While I have always wanted it, especially from women who look like me, rarely was it extended to me. I've always been too different. Too loud. Too outspoken. Too smart. Too daring. Too driven. And now that I am well into my 40s, I simply don't give a damn if I am accepted or not. I have learned to live in that tension without diminishing who I am.

Imagine my sheer shock at getting all of these things - family, love and acceptance from a group of women who barely knew me.  Imagine feeling completely at home being who I am, delivering my best talents, sharing my heart and soul for a few days in paradise.  Imagine days later continuing to build those connections virtually and feeling the sense that someone - lots of someones - close to 30 someones HAVE MY BACK in all corners of this great country.

Thank you, ladies.

Thank you for sharing yourselves with me.

Thank you for allowing me to serve you.

Thank you for showing me that family, love and acceptance can be extended and shared in our community.

See you at the next retreat!

Signed,

Your new ABFE sister

No Online Scrapbooks For Me, Ever

My scrapbooking process could never be replaced

For the first time since December 2010 before I had my right arm surgically repaired for radial nerve damage, I sat down to create a scrapbook. It was a daunting task that I'd started preparing for since late spring.

Once I decided this was going to be the weekend to crank out a book, it was on. During my initial layout process, I was quickly overwhelmed at how much work, time and effort goes into these lovely masterpieces. My oldest has 7 of these to my baby's 3. And he cherishes the ones he has looking at them at least once per month. My intention is to finish two for him and catch both kids up to the calendar year 2010 and I'm on 2008 now. I'd even posted on social media that I'd only "catch-up" the old fashioned way until 2010 after which I'd buy the more efficient online versions of my scrapbooks.

Yet, once I started my creative process, saw the gorgeous photos of my sweet little boy and all the colors, stickers and markers - I ate those blasphemous words. I'll NEVER substitute my masterpieces for an online scrapbook and here's the reason why:

I love putting these books together.

These books represent much more than the pictures, scraps of paper and shells that hold them. Every loving moment I spend cropping pictures, reliving the moments I'm immortalizing - I am closer to my family. The process itself puts me in a state of gratitude that is rarely replicated with any other activity in my life. I only discovered that after NOT doing it for almost 4 years.  It really got me to thinking about how we replace things that are essential to our growth with lower value alternatives. I also love that for a fleeting moment, I thought I could replace this treasured process with a quick online substitute.

Thank goodness I cannot.

And while the process is much longer now with the urge to document it in social media, a nosy dachshund walking all over my materials and curious kids asking questions and giving input to photo selection, I would not ever change it.  My goal to get one book done this weekend looked more like 4 of 12 pages completed. I am completely overwhelmed at the thought of "catching up" and have no idea how, when I'll do it, but I know that I will complete my good old fashioned scrapbooks in due time.

No Shutterfly short cut will do.

Are You All In?

Are you all in?

Yeah, you! And yes, I'm asking you point blank.

Are you all in with your own needs, wants and desires? Have you identified those needs/wants/desires? Are you making progress toward the things that are most important to you? Are you taking responsibility for your time? Your behavior? Your priorities?

Are you "all in" in your relationships? Are you being honest with those folks you choose to do life with? Are you letting yourself be known? Are you allowing yourself to love fully? Are you engaged with the people you encounter on a daily basis? Do you let your partner/spouse/kids/parents/siblings see you for who you really are?

Are you "all in" in your community? How are you helping to make your environment better? What are you doing to contribute to the well being of your neighborhood? Do you know people you live near? Are you leveraging your own talents/resources/contacts to make life better where you live?

Are you "all in" at work? Do you bring your best self to your job every day? Do you understand the goals and objectives your workplace is trying to achieve? Have you asked? Are you engaged with your co-workers?Are you using your best talents every day?

I know that was brutal. Too many questions, not many answers but that was the point. You own your life. Too many times in the last few weeks, I've spoken with people who are not happy, have no direction and are flailing toward nothingness. They are lonely although they are doing life with many people. They are unfulfilled although they appear to have it all. They ask me "how I do it?" Well this post is the answer.

I hammer myself with all the above questions, constantly. I am never satisfied with less than positive answers. If I find during my internal "interrogation" that I am down or not very content with an answer, then I go on a quest to change it. I enlist people who love me to help. I keep pressing forward until I am at peace with what is coming back to me. I leave it all on the field - every day of every month of every year. I am "all in" in this one life I have to live.

Are you?