The Power of The Surrender

The white flag is not so bad in many situations

As a person who does not shrink from conflict nor passes up a fight, my whole psyche around the word surrender was so skewed.

Surrender was not a part of my vocabulary. The very thought of surrender takes me back to my childhood days of watching Tom and Jerry cartoons when after 10 straight minutes of abuse, Tom would wave that flag from around some corner signifying he was "done." Jerry had won. 

That imagery was my only frame of reference for the word surrender until a few years ago.  During one of my first Bio Energetic Synchronization Techniques (B. E. S. T.) sessions, I was enlightened to understand surrender a different way.  Looking at dictionary definitions only reinforced my resistance to surrender in the way that is truly healthy and life affirming. Then I found this definition online:

Surrender: To give yourself up to a new emotion or course or influence.

That definition captures beautifully the true power of surrender. For type A, Eneagram Type 8 or ENFJs like myself, it is the only way to look at surrender. Here are two ways I have converted surrender into a powerful life tool for me.

Better Energy Management

Surrendering has enabled me to better manage my energy. Without question, one of my biggest assets as a person is my high powered, influential and positive energy. I get so much done when I direct my energy well.  Over the last 3 years as I learned to surrender outcomes - specifically not being married to the "how" something comes about, I have been able to focus my energy in ways that are too numerous to list. The best area I've learned this has been in my relationships. Surrendering outcomes with people has benefited me the most and enabled me to focus my best energies on being with and enjoying the people I choose to do life and business with daily. Additionally, as a entrepreneur, it has benefited my bottom line. My prospecting and sales process has been transformed. Focusing my energy on what I do best and telling that story well consistently, has fueled my young business's growth. All my new energy management efficiencies can be attributed to my ability to surrender.

Broadened Possibilities 

With my energy free from resistance, I see bigger and better possibilities for almost all situations that come my way. Good or bad. Personal or professional. The power of surrender has enabled me to broaden my perspective on everything in every way. For example, more than a year ago, I made a decision for myself. I shared it with my husband and he was not too keen on it. Instead of focusing energy on convincing him, I gently withdrew the subject from our airspace and focused on my part of the decision. I focused my energy on bringing it about and let go of the specifics. Fast forward to now, not only are we moving in the direction I originally desired, but my entire family including my husband are all excited about the new possibilities that await us. Further, we have not been shaken by the unfortunate set of circumstances that have enabled the change of direction. We can all see how every bit of this transition has purpose for each one of us.  Without releasing my narrow view of surrender, I am certain this would not be possible.

Today, I challenge you to look at ways you may employ surrender - the way I have defined it above - in your life. Are there areas of your work life that need surrendering? Could a personal relationship of yours use some surrendering powers?

Wherever you find yourself running into similar circumstances with familiar results - take a moment to look at ways where you may surrender and take back your energy and broaden the possibilities.

3 Ways To "Be" When Trouble Comes To Town

When we hit crisis mode, our next steps matter most

If you live any length of time, you will face a crisis or some type of adversity.  Whether it be relational, vocational or deeply personal, crises are the great equalizer of human beings. Hardship is part of our human reality - a "given;" operating smoothly through hardship is optional.  Here's a few tips to help you exercise that option:


Be Still

When you hit a rough patch, it is normal to feel like you must "do something." Our senses are heightened. Often times, much is happening around us, related to us. We feel compelled to action. One very good way to react is to be still. Literally, do nothing. Don't make any declarations or decisions in the heat of your rough moment. Breathe more. Seek solitude. Withdraw from non-essential commitments and just be. There is no need to make any moves when crisis first hits you. You have to absorb what's happening so you can truly understand what you are to do next. That happens best when you are still. Find respite and do nothing as much as you can during your storm.

Be Discerning

Merriam-Webster defines discern as to detect, to recognize or or to come to know mentally. You need to discern whom to include in your crisis. Be very careful only to share your crisis with people who are known to be helpful and discreet. Identify that short list and keep to it. Equally, you have to recognize how things are different post-crisis. The temptation will be there to try and "normalize" life or get back to the way it was "before." Embrace your new normal. Resistance only causes more pain. Take time to notice how different things are and acknowledge your role. Only spend energy on things within your control, letting go of all else. Surround yourself with love. People you love. Activity you love.

Be Ready

Life has put out a challenge. Things are not as they were and now you must respond. Being ready for change is the hardest aspect of managing adversity.  We get angry and stuck reviewing what we could have done differently and in those moments, we miss opportunities to move forward. Push yourself to be ready for what your new normal will offer. For some people, that will mean examining areas where you just float through life and force yourself to "shake it up. " If the crisis didn't do that for you - you have to do it for yourself, now. If your crisis turned your routine upside down, embrace it. Look out for new ways to express and communicate what you are feeling. Notice people you did not notice before. Allow yourself to "go" places you don't normally go - both physically and emotionally. You would be surprised at what the universe can bring your way when you are ready to receive it.

Over the years, hardship and adversity has come my way many times. By implementing the advice I  just shared, I've found that my ability to manage those tough times has improved and stifled the long term impact them on my quality of life. I hope you find that, too.