Please Call Me When The World Is Normal Again

No, really. Call me when it's ok to come out.

9 black people were murdered in during their bible study by unknown stranger they worshiped with for over an hour in a historically significant church in Charleston, SC.

Fierce debates over flying the Rebel Confederate Flag on government properties.

Walmart, Amazon and other retailer rush to remove Confederate Flag from sales lines.

U.S. Supreme Court upholds legality of Affordable Care Act. Again.

6 other black churches  torched across other Southern U.S. cities in the 10 days following the #CharlestonMassacre.

U.S. Supreme Court paves the way for same-sex marriage recognitions as federal law.

Bipartisan Trans-Pacific Partnership (TPP) trade agreement passes almost undetected.

Yeah.

I'm gonna need another few weeks to process all that has taken place in the last 11 days in the United States of America.  In fact, I'm actually gonna take the rest of the summer "off." Well, not off from work or the major transition my family is embarking on in the next 39 days, but off from news and current events.

There is only so much an activist, Type A, do something gal like me can take. My head is literally spinning at all the information and endless commentary surrounding each and every topic listed above. My normal "to read" least is bursting at the seams and appears to be growing daily, yet my time to get to all that reading done seems to be shrinking.

A growing, thriving business to drive.

Public service in way of elected and appointed offices.

A weary marriage season.

Two amazing young people to shield from chaotic world and scary personal terrain.

An aching body and tired mind to keep sharp for all those things simply cannot process another world or current event in U.S. popular culture.

Uncle.

Please call me when the world in normal again.

Yeah, pretty sure my phone will never ring.

So, instead, I am implementing new rules for the remainder of this summer (or at least the next 8 weeks until Barreto kids go back to school). Only critical reading that will serve me, my family or my clients. Frequent walks in between all the hustle and bustle of my life. More time offline daily (haven't figured this one out yet but setting the intention and putting it into the Universe gives me a shot at reaching it.) More hugs. More conversations versus texts.

I feel better already having laid that out. I'd love to hear how others are coping this summer. Leave your thoughts below.

2 Ways To Stay Unshakable While All Trembles Around You

As 2014 closed and I narrowed in on my theme for 2015, I had no idea exactly how applicable this year's theme was going to be.

#2015Unshakable

Several online dictionaries define unshakable as not easily panicked or upset and strongly felt and unable to be changed. When I think about the highs and lows, me and my family has already experienced in the last six weeks of this very young year, it's no wonder unshakable was the word that felt best to assign to this year.

Regardless the circumstances, the ability to stay focused and move toward our best good is imperative. But one must first define "best good" in order to live and thrive in shaky times. We have to be clear on what the "end game" is in order to stay on task toward it. And we must have coping strategies in place to buoy us through rough terrain.

Defining The End Game

One of my intentions for 2015 is to be an unshakable force for good in our world. That is pretty lofty but I've got it broken down into a few key areas - first, my home. I identified what I must do to be a force for good with those I do life with most closely. Second,  I laid out what I can do to be a force for good in my work. Be it current clients or potentials, I teamed with my partners and contractors to list ways Relationships can add value in 2015 in ways we had not in the past. Finally, in my extracurricular activities - I clearly sought ways to add value in my volunteer and other commitments. That examination prompted me to let go of some commitments to which I could no longer devote my best talents and/or attention. Having a clear "end game" in all areas of life has made it easier to face the ups and downs that have come my way in all areas in this young year. And while I feel tossed and turned, my resolve to remain an unshakable force for good is one of the things that keeps me going.


Build Coping Strategies For Tough Times

The biggest surprise of 2015 so far for me was just how depleted my personal coping mechanisms are for extremes. The past few years have been relatively uneventful for both my family and my business. With my business growing rapidly and finally finding a rhythm, it was getting easier to integrate Relationships Matter Now with the rest of my life.  However, as our family dynamic has changed (kids moving from kiddie to pre-teen and teen years - normal marital drift - elderly parent care pressures) during the same time period, it has become clear that we do not have adequate support systems in place to buoy us when things are rough - primarily me. We have operated in a silo with little to no external systems to help when we hit icy patches in the road. We are currently course correcting but I find it helpful to share what I think is necessary. Having several outlets for perspective gathering - groups of friends to listen and encourage. Dedicated time to unplug and recharge. Without that, our minds race and interrupt sleep and creativity when you most need them both.  Getting outside impartial help - be a coach, counselor or therapist. Sometimes you cannot just muscle through.

Each day I am realizing that being unshakable does not mean not reaching out for help or vocalizing what's shaking us. In fact, casting out fear of all kinds is part and parcel for being unshakable. Nothing casts out fear more than facing it down with the support of many around you. So when you see me tweeting anything that ends with my #2015Unshakable hashtag - remember the 2 things that enable me to stay unshakable in 2015.

Grow Anyways Facing Drought Conditions

It is an extraordinary thing to be able to grow in a drought. Can you?

Recently, for 25 consecutive days, I'd say I was in a "drought" of sorts.  Literally, every other day from February 27 - March 22, I was challenged to my core on many topics related to race, gender, conflict - you name it - I was facing it.  But an amazing thing happened along the way.

I did not wallow.
I did not complain or whine.
I just felt it.
Absorbed the stress.
Resisted the urge to "runaway" or lash out.

I carefully and considerately asked with each blow - what is my lesson here? What am I to learn from this? How will I be different next time? Each incident revealed to me a nugget of wisdom, a clue of purpose and a theme that tied them all together.

Was I discouraged? Absolutely.
But more importantly, I was determined to grow in spite of what was happening to me. I was clear on how I'd make the most of each discouragement or disappointing situation. I was tuned in 100% to what I could do the next time I was faced with a similar situation. This stretch lead me to a glorious vacation where I was able to reflect and pinpoint almost EXACTLY why I'd just experienced such a season of turmoil.

I simply needed to adjust my coping mechanisms. Coping mechanisms can also be described as "survival skills." They are strategies people use to deal with natural changes in life, stresses and pain. Mine were outdated on several topics and the stresses and occurrences I faced over that 25 day period were simply a signal to me to re-evaluate them and adjust them to my current needs.

Ever feel like you are facing something over and over and over and you don't know why? Chances are you need to adjust the way you cope to that situation and the universe is giving you practice to realign your energy around it. That's exactly what happened to me recently. And because I didn't fight it or throw my hands up, I was able lean into the adversity and come out with a clear solution.

Change your relationship with adversity and you will change your life.